Brother Bjorn makes a good point when he says get some proof readers who are familiar with the setting..... that's why we're here and hopefully that's one of the reasons you are posting. We should all listen to thoughtful advise from knowledgeable and well meaning Fraters, but..... that does not mean we necessarily have to take their advise I've said it before and I'll say it again, ultimately it's your chapter and you ultimately decide where to take it. Where're not GW so, as Brother Messor says, "the stakes probably aren't that dramatic for someone's personal IA." That also gives us a lot more freedom to explore different possibilities.
Some advice will help you to edit your IA and some will assist you in examining points that you haven't given much thought to and need to expand on, or even rethink. Some comments will challenge your resolve. Maybe your IA isn't what you wanted it to be and you need to make the big redo, or MAYBE it IS what you want it to be and your critic just needs to chill
So, Brother Bruce, from my point of view the Revenant Fists are lookin' good and you should stay the course and see where it takes you