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IA: The White Hawks (LASC 19) Version 1.0

Ace Debonair The Silver Circle Glastheim Rifts DIY White Hawks Liber Astartes LASC 19 And so the madness continues

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Ace Debonair

Ace Debonair

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"Men die, monsters die, only the glory of Heroes lives forever." - Talhonic proverb


Early History:

"Harken, Brothers; for I will sing you a tale of glories old, and heroes remembered!" - Kordran, Song-Brother of the White Hawks 4th Company, on the eve of the Battle of Kyband, 989.M40 
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A typical Battle Brother of the White Hawks


Born of the line of the Primarch Roboute Guilliman in the latter days of the Fifteenth Founding, the White Hawks began life as a crusading Chapter. Given a mandate to 'protect Imperial interests' and sent eastward, the Hawks found themselves taking part in a number of battles where their timely arrival tipped the scales in favour of Imperial victory.

Parades and celebrations in the wake of the White Hawks and their battle companies became a common sight over the next several centuries, as the white-armoured marines fought against every foe they could find. Be it orks in murky jungles or sprawling caverns, or Chaos Space Marines on ashen deserts and airless moons, the White Hawks never refused a battle, and they were happy to bask in the praise of the Imperial citizens on the worlds that enjoyed their assistance. Though they achieved a respectable tally of victories, the Chapter didn't really come into its' own until the closing days of M37.

A council of Inquisitors, with the blessing of the High Lords of Terra, selected the White Hawks to join a group of other Chapters in the permanent defence of a particularly perilous area of space called the Glastheim Rifts. This 'Silver Circle' of Space Marine Chapters would surround the Rifts and the worlds that bordered them, keeping the threat of xenos raiders out and penning the heretics within the Rifts in their self-appointed hiding place. The Inquisitors pressing the issue maintained that doing so would 'decisively protect Imperial interests in the area', and thus satisfy the Chapter's reason for creation. Grudgingly, the White Hawks deferred to the Inquisitors' demands, feeling it was pointless to argue.

Thusly assigned to the south-east of the Glastheim Rifts, the White Hawks set about looking for suitable worlds to draw recruits from. One in particular stood out - the mountainous, feudal death world of Talhon. Humans there dwelt in ancient stone cities, their walls thick and their towers perpetually manned with archers. The reason for this was abundantly apparent; monsters roamed the wild lands all over the world. From the fearsome, dragon-like Goliandr in the mountains, to the armoured Barghrex and winged Astraptors in the forests, and innumerable others besides, voracious carnivores made up the bulk of the wildlife on Talhon.

The people of Talhon were hardy and resilient, and trained from youth to fight and hunt these monsters, and in doing so, produced excellent potential recruits for the White Hawks. The Chapter set up a Fortress Monastery, dubbed the Hawk's Eye, atop a sturdy cliff in an isolated mountain range, and began inducting recruits as fast as they could find them. The people venerated their "sky warrior" guardians, recognizing them as scions of The Emperor and Angels of Death.

But just as the Hawks left their mark on Talhon, so too would their new homeworld leave its' mark on the White Hawks. It is unknown if the Chapter's hypnoindoctrination procedures became flawed over time, or if the Chapter willingly adopted as much of Talhon's culture as it eventually did. Regardless, within a century of settling on Talhon, the White Hawks had taken on many of Talhon's superstitions and the traits common to it's native warriors. Notably, Talhonic warrior culture makes much ado of sagas and songs of ancient days and heroic battles, and its' adherents are typically equally at home boasting and bragging about their exploits in their homes and holds as well as stalking and battling their prey in the wilds.

These traits have all bled into the Chapter over time, and a typical Battle Brother of the White Hawks will come across as brash, headstrong, boisterous and borderline arrogant in comparison to other Space Marines. Those that rise to leadership positions are not only the best fighters and tacticians in the Chapter's ranks, but also the ones with the most capability to keep the egos of their brothers in check.

In addition to cultural adaptation, the physiology of Talhonic natives, when combined with the genetic augments that create a Space Marine, lends itself well to high levels of hardiness and stamina , even by the standards of Space Marines. While the warriors of many Space Marine Chapters are more than capable of fighting for days at a time without cease, reports of the White Hawks doing so with nary a sign of fatigue are not unheard of.

The White Hawks themselves, previously used to adulation and celebration in the wake of their victories as errant crusaders, found they had little time to spare for either with the frequency and suddenness of enemy attacks on the worlds around the Rifts. The absence of this, coupled with the natural Talhonic love of sagas and songs concerning heroic deeds, left the Hawks somewhat unsatisfied with what they considered "guard duty" around the Rifts, and the Chapter has been known to send Battle Companies on distant crusades on several occasions, taking part in such diverse conflicts as the war in the Lauss Rift, or the Ensorcelled Stars Campaign.

Combat is a constant around the Glastheim Rifts, and the systems around Talhon have come under increasingly violent threats as the centuries have gone on. In the final decades of M41, the White Hawks found themselves often battling isolated splinters of an unidentified Hive Fleet that seemed to lack any real focus, seemingly picking its' targets at random and attacking worlds without any kind of rational reason to do so. This Hive Fleet - dubbed Hive Fleet Goliandr by the Hawks - has grown to recognize the white-armoured Space Marines who keep attacking it, and the creatures under its' thrall now tend to fly into berserk rages when confronted by Space Marines in battle.

Alongside this, Dark Eldar raids by the Kabal of the Shattered World have grown in frequency and daring over the last century, and a Chaos Warband calling themselves the [REDACTED (FOR THE MOMENT)] have made increasingly numerous sallies from the Glastheim Rifts to do battle with the White Hawks on a dozen worlds.

In spite of constant war on many fronts, the White Hawks remain undaunted by their current, precarious situation.

No matter the number of foes or the power they claim to wield, the White Hawks intend to weather the onslaught and come out the other side fighting, as they always have.


Recent History:

"You call this 'the age of nightmares and monsters'? We're the White Hawks! Don't you know what we do to nightmares and monsters?" - Captain Barandin Greystorm, in response to Lord Breiss of the Hatecrowned at the Battle of Kryndaia, 233.M41

The dawning years of the 42nd Millennium proved a difficult time for the White Hawks. From their position in the Glastheim Rifts, the entire Silver Circle bore witness to the distant creation of the Cicatrix Maledictum, an unnatural tear in space itself. Almost in concert with this horrifying event, uprising began all over the Glastheim Rifts. The heretics dwelling in the Rifts sought to overthrow and destroy the Imperium's hold on the area, putting aside their own rivalries and squabbles for power in the face of finally destroying a hated foe.

The homeworlds of three Chapters of the Circle came under attack. Acting swiftly, the White Hawks dispatched their companies to aid the besieged Chapters.

Of the three relief forces dispatched, only the force headed to Athlum arrived in time for the siege. The others were pulled aside by cult uprisings on worlds thought secure, or ambushed by heretic interception forces who had anticipated the Hawks' response.

The siege of Athlum was a time of loss and revelation in equal parts for the White Hawks.

The Hawks lent three Companies to the defence of Athlum, throwing themselves into the midst of the war with typical fervour. The traitors, daemons and heretics arrayed against them, though, were numerous and deadly. Though they fought bravely, the loyalists were driven back to the gates of the Champions' Fortress Monastery by the fiendish cunning and relentless fury of the forces of Chaos.
 
Then, the unthinkable happened. The Indomitus Crusade arrived. Alongside half a dozen regiments of Imperial Guard, over five hundred Primaris marines dropped into the fray, turning what had been a slow, crushing defeat for the Imperium into a complete rout in their favour.
 
- Excerpt from 'Warsongs of Talhon, translated
Even the fiercest storms abate in the end
When the enemy falters, we will still stand

Raise your shields, sons of Talhon, be strong
Let your swords sing in the gale, a deathsong

Be resolute now, and 'gainst all endure
When the storm breaks, let the Hawks fly once more!
Of the three hundred non-Primaris Hawks committed to this battle, less than sixty survived to tell the tale.
Fewer still were pleased about the circumstances in which they'd done so - almost forced to sit back and lick their wounds whilst 'outsiders' seized the victory. Being given the technology to make Primaris marines of their own felt like further salt in the wounds. Marines who had trained, fought and bled to be the best they could be for the Imperium over the last centuries were hardly delighted to see these 'New Brothers' presented as the Chapter's future. Only the accompanying news that the Primarch himself had ordained these reinforcements and seen fit to accommodate them in his own plans kept the White Hawks from shunning Primaris marines entirely.
 
It became commonplace in the following years for Non-Primaris (or 'First-Generation') Hawks to airily dismiss the accomplishments of their New Bothers, pinning any of their successes solely on their 'Cawl-given enhancements' rather than skill or daring, and denying any claims they truly shared the warrior spirit the Chapter is known for.

Over time, however, the Primaris marines' stoic endurance of these taunts, their adherence to the Chapter's traditions, and their willingness to prove their worth in battle to their Older Brothers gradually won the grudging respect of many within the Chapter.
 
With the exception of integrating the New Brothers into the Chapter, the coming of the Great Rift and the Indomitus Crusade overall did little to change the day-to-day life of the White Hawks.
 
 Though the heretics from within the Rifts were dealt a serious blow at the Siege of Athlum, the survivors continue to scheme and weave insidious plots against the Imperium, striking wherever the capricious whims of their foul deities direct them to.

Elsewhere, the myriad xeno threats that seek to prey on the worlds under the Hawks' watch muster their forces and prepare for war. The Kabal of the Shattered World used the distraction caused by the Siege of Athlum to launch a raid on Talhon, burning a city to the ground and abducting several thousand men and women as prisoners. Hive Fleet Goliandr's splintered hordes wander closer to the Rifts, their maddened, howling ships disgorging swarm after swarm of feral, frenzied monsters on the worlds unfortunate enough to be in their paths.

It is a time of great peril for all around the Glastheim Rifts, and surely only a matter of time before repercussions from events in the larger galaxy are felt keenly by the Chapters of the Silver Circle.

But until then, the White Hawks endure.

Homeworld:

"On Macragge they train youths in schools to make soldiers of them. On Talhon, we teach our young to slay monsters, and make heroes out of them!" - Captain Ambrose the Wild, White Hawks 1st Company

The world of Talhon is rugged and perilous in equal measure. The cities scattered across its' landmasses are bustling with life, safe behind the towering, thick stone walls that border them. The walls are buttressed, battlemented, reinforced with technology far beyond the level of the native humans there. In some places, the ruins of ancient gun emplacements can be seen, most if not all of the metal of which has long ago been taken and melted down for weapons or armour. Here and there, ancient buildings still stand, their original use long forgotten, now repurposed as shrines to The Emperor.

Talhon's people are largely dedicated to the simple matter of survival in a world where nearly every creature outside of the cities is a deadly predator. Children are trained from infancy to not only survive monster attacks, but how to fight back against creatures many times their size and strength.

Recruits for the Chapter must prove their mettle by successfully hunting deadly monsters as part of a group, monitored discreetly by members of the Tenth Company. Interestingly, the Chapter allows females an equal chance to participate in these trials - those that pass are inducted into the Chapter as serfs, and once fully grown are essentially granted the right to select any man on Talhon as their mate, to better increase the chances of the next generations producing viable recruits.

The traditions of Talhon greatly influence the White Hawks. Perhaps the most obvious one is the taking of trophies from defeated enemies - this practice quickly became a rite of passage enacted by recruits who would take trophies from monsters they slew. Scales, pelts, horns or fangs - anything that could potentially channel the slain beast's power, hardiness or fury. These trophies were invariably added to the nascent marine's power armour upon graduation from Scout. Many veteran Marines boast multiple pelts or decorative scale armour attachments for their armour, taken from defeated beasts on many worlds. This gives the Chapter a savage, feral appearance quite unlike the rest of the Silver Circle.

Coupled with this is an inherited tradition of placing great importance on the humble Combat Knife. Special hunter's knives are used by the warriors of Talhon to finish off 'worthy' enemies, as doing so is thought to amplify one's own warrior spirit. The White Hawks are known to execute defeated enemies with their knives for roughly the same reason, another custom that is looked upon as proof of the Hawks' primitive and uncivilised mindset.

Beliefs:

"My ancestors are smiling at me, traitor - can you say the same?" - Last words of Brother Ingrad, White Hawks 3rd Company, at the fall of Veir's Gate, 155.M38

A key element of the White Hawks' mindset is their admiration for heroes of long-gone days, such as the loyal Primarchs and those who fought beside them. These heroes are known across the length and breadth of the Imperium for their valour, and the Hawks seek to emulate the great warriors of olden days by fighting unceasingly against the enemies of mankind.

So although they are quite well-known in the systems around the Glastheim Rifts, the White Hawks yearn to achieve the same level of prestige and respect afforded across the known galaxy to far more decorated and venerable Chapters, such as the Ultramarines, or the Imperial Fists. Though such a goal is certainly admirable, and the Hawks certainly pursue it with dedication, virtually everyone outside of the Chapter can see how utterly unattainable such lofty ideals are. For the White Hawks, however, this is simply considered the ultimate test of endurance - to withstand whatever the galaxy throws at them until their names are sung in admiration even in the halls of Macragge and Holy Terra.

It is to be noted that even crushing defeats have little impact on the Chapter's overall psyche. The Third Company was utterly destroyed in early M38 by attempting to defeat the Nurgle Warband called the Hollow Knights in a war of attrition. When the Imperial Guard embarked on a victorious campaign against the traitors two years later, the Hawks were quick to laud the bravery of the Guard, but also to claim that the Hawks had successfully blunted most of the traitors' strength, enabling the victory.

A battle in M41.989 on the desert moon of Akrilla against Hive Fleet Goliandr's mad hordes saw a similar result, the Sixth Company losing four fifths of its' strength in pitched battle with tyranid warriors after a failed decapitation strike on what was thought to be the enemy's leadership. The Hawks nevertheless touted this harrowing slaughter as a victory, albeit quietly.

The White Hawks do, of course, have Librarians to record the Chapter's history and deeds. But whether born from their own obsession with proving themselves, or simply inherited from Talhonic traditions, the Chapter developed their own system of recording their victories and defeats in the form of songs and sagas. The marines most capable of composing suitable verses are given the unofficial rank of Song-Brother, and it is their duty not only to fight beside, but to observe the valour of their brothers in battle, so that it may be remembered until the day The Emperor lives again.

It is common practice, on the eve of a great battle, for many sagas and songs to be recited, to better remind Battle-Brothers of the glories that may await them if they prove triumphant, or to remind them of past battles with hated enemies.

On the subject of Librarians, the White Hawks are known to be openly wary of their psychically-gifted kin. Their superstitious nature makes them simply view psychic power as 'magic', and most non-psyker White Hawks simply regard their gifted brothers as dangerous, different, and something to be wary of.

One lingering annoyance prevalent in the Chapter is that they are yet to be chosen to sire a successor Chapter, in spite of millennia of honourable service in the Imperium's name. Given that every other Chapter around the Glastheim Rifts is suffering from a degree of mutation in their geneseed, the Hawks assume the High Lords of Terra are simply being unnecessarily cautious about potential geneseed degradation.

The White Hawks venerate both The Emperor and their Primarch, Roboute Guilliman, as ferocious and resolute warriors. To the Hawks, both Emperor and Primarch embodied the virtues of warrior-kings, unflinching in the face of danger and strong enough to dominate any battlefield they strode onto. The White Hawks seek the chance in every battle to demonstrate the inherited might of their great ancestors, felling great and powerful enemies and thus ensuring the defence of the realm.

According to some rumours, the Primarch himself fought at Ramosha, homeworld of the Abyssal Host, whilst the Siege of Athlum was underway. The notion that their own Primarch may have visited the Glastheim Rifts but completely ignored the White Hawks is a thought that many Hawks struggle with. The current prevailing thought is simply that Guilliman, if he was truly at Ramosha, knew perfectly well that his own sons didn't need his presence to guarantee their victory.

Further to the point, while the White Hawks are quick to brag how the traitors were too scared to even attack Talhon alongside the homeworlds of their Circle-Brothers, some of the more dour amongst the Chapter take the wildly unpopular view that even the Chapter's most hated adversaries don't consider them a worthwhile target.


Battle Doctrines:


"If you see your False Gods when you die, tell them to try sending their best after me next time!" - Brother Sergeant Halmund the Vigilant, White Hawks 4th Company, before slaying Dark Apostle Gexeras Vold during the First Prontera Crusade, 810.M39

Since their inception, the White Hawks have favoured bold, aggressive tactics. Many of their early victories involved them appearing to reinforce Imperial forces already in battle, and the White Hawks quickly learned the value that sudden reinforcements could have not only in the physical sense, but on both allied and enemy morale.

To this end, the Hawks favour what some derisively call the "Big Entrance" approach to combat - either deploying via Drop Pod or Thunderhawk right into the thick of the battle whenever doing so would be advantageous. Furthermore, the Hawks have a long-standing tradition of bellowing challenges and taunts at enemies, even in the midst of bloody melee. This tradition is thought to have originated from further attempts to amplify their effects on morale - encouraging allies and scorning enemies in equal measure.

Proudly following the teachings of their Primarch, the White Hawks will make use of diverse strategies and tactics, especially in the early stages of battles. A notable trend in the Chapter is for the White Hawks to focus their early strategies around taking out the largest and strongest enemies as soon as possible - whether to better illustrate their skill-at-arms or as another blow to an enemy's morale tends to vary from battle to battle. Another near-constant in the Hawks' methods of war is for hard-fought battles to eventually devolve into gruelling tests of endurance, mostly in close quarters combat. The White Hawks will gladly admit to making use of their prodigious vitality to simply outlast enemies in battle when more decisive tactics fail to find purchase.

Though such tactics can prove costly in lives against suitably deadly or numerous foes, the White Hawks proudly point to a significant number of their victories that were earned through sheer unyielding stubbornness, knives in hands, long after ammunition had run out on both sides of the conflict.
 
The inclusion of Primaris marines into their doctrines has had little overall effect on the methods of the White Hawks, although it is noted that even the Primaris marines carry knives into battle, much like their Older Brothers. 

Organisation:

"See him, rookie? That's old Ferrin, the one they call Broadblade, the Slayer of Sinnerath the Eviscerator. One day you could be that renowned, if you've really got what it takes to fly with the Hawks." - Sergeant Egram, White Hawks 7th Company
gallery_46204_9220_6948.jpg
The Chapter Symbol of the White Hawks.

While largely adherent to the dictates of the Codex Astartes, there are several of differences in how the White Hawks apply their gene-father's teachings when compared with more traditional Chapters.

While the Chapter boasts both a Veteran Company and a Scout Company, in practice both companies are virtually never fielded as a complete unit, instead operating in task forces alongside one of the Battle or Reserve Companies.

Furthermore, in the traditions of Talhon, it is considered very unlucky to count something broken or intentionally divided alongside or before things that remain whole or intact. Given how much of their homeworld's traditions influence the Chapter, it is perhaps little surprise to see the White Hawks name their Veteran Company as the Ninth Company. The First Company is instead simply the first of four Battle Companies. Fifth to Eighth Companies act as Reserve Companies, in Codex-approved fashion, and the Scout Company remains the Tenth Company.

Since the Codex originally made no provision for the inclusion of Primaris marines, the White Hawks simply incorporated the New Brothers into the Battle and Reserve Companies. The Veteran Ninth has only a handful of Primaris brothers in its' ranks; partly as a result of the Hawks' early dislike of the new marines, and partly as a result of comparative inexperience.

Geneseed:

"Our Primarch is famed for his wisdom, but we never forget that his hands, too, held bolter and blade." - Chaplain Braxas Ferredun, White Hawks 1st Company

The White Hawks proudly trace their lineage to Roboute Guilliman, Primarch of the Ultramarines and author of the Codex Astartes. The Chapter's geneseed has remained stable in spite of the radiation from the Glastheim Rifts, which the White Hawks have long taken to symbolise their gene-father's approval of the Chapter and their deeds.
 
Though the Chapter was slow to truly adopt the use of Primaris marines, the White Hawks have gradually committed more and more recruits to the path of the New Brothers, resulting in a roughly equal split between First-Generation and Primaris marines amongst new recruits.

Battlecry:


Call: "For the Emperor!"

Response: "Let the Hawks fly!"

This war-chant is often repeated several times before clashing with enemy lines.


-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
 
 
EDIT: 2/10/2019
 
I can call this version 1.0 at this point, I think!
 
Hopefully it's a worthy read - any thoughts, comments, barely-contained-disgust or accusations of completely dropping the ball with the Hawks yet again are welcomed and encouraged, so... What d'you think? unsure.png


Edited by Ace Debonair, 02 October 2019 - 08:11 PM.

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#2
Ace Debonair

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EDIT: Here's a copy of my original First Post in case it comes in useful later:
 

So; back to the grind. happy.png

I've enjoyed working on the Warminds, but it's nagging at me that I haven't done my primary Chapter any justice with my previous attempts to write them up. ermm.gif

The biggest problem, in hindsight, is that I have a hard time nailing down the personality of the White Hawks, even when trying to sum them up in my head. Let me give it a try here:

They're heroes, at least in their own minds. Each White Hawk is utterly convinced he's only one battle away from being immortalized in saga and song, held high before The Emperor as an exemplary marine. They're big on sagas, have a soft spot for courage in the face of impossible odds, and are proud and boisterous by nature.

...Hmm. That's a good summary, actually. (It's only taken me like a decade to write one tongue.png)

But although they're most like Space Wolves in personality, they're proudly Codex Marines at their core. No throwing the rookies into power armour, or taming giant beasts for use in battle - where the Hawks come from, monsters are for hunting.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, I've done a lot more work on Talhon (the homeworld of the White Hawks) than I have on the Chapter itself. It too has many of the traits I most like to see in a Space Marine homeworld - Talhon is rich in deadly wildlife, including lots of large monsters for aspirants to fight, with plenty of thick forests, high mountains, and other less friendly terrain for added fun. Humanity lives in primitive, low-tech cities bordered with tall, thick stone walls and lots of defensive emplacements for archers and javelin throwers. Talhon's people are typically courageous by nature, and their culture is a warrior culture - virtually all children spend their early lives training to hunt and, if lucky enough, kill the monsters that roam Talhon's wild lands.

...There's a lot more, but I'm going to do my best to make this an article about the White Hawks rather than about Talhon. sweat.gif



So with that in mind, here's a picture of some White Hawks, and my overview of what I'm thinking for the Chapter so far:


gallery_46204_9220_53014.jpg
[ Brothers Vakar and Haystan pictured just before they ruin something's day with their knives ]


* 15th founding, Ultramarines successors. Start as a crusading Chapter who enjoy the heroic reputation they build up, before being assigned to basically sit still at the Glastheim Rifts. A lot of their later personality bleeds through from their duly assigned homeworld, Talhon.

* Talhon is a primitive, feudal, death world. Its cities have mighty thick stone walls and lots of ways to drive off attackers. The reason for this is that everywhere outside of the cities is 'Here Be Monsters' country - creatures the size of small buildings that are impervious to all but the mightiest attacks by the sturdiest steel blades or most accurate shots. Talhon's people seldom war against each other, instead producing viable recruits for the Chapter by training from infancy to hunt, fight and slay these monsters.

* Personality: Brash, headstrong and boisterous. Prone to taunting and trash-talking enemies even in the midst of battle. Given to certain superstitions, carried over from their homeworld. Hungry for glory and recognition, the fact they aren't really noteworthy on a galactic scale is vexing to the Hawks and drives them to keep fighting, in the hopes everyone will one day know their names.

* The humble Combat Knife is a big deal to the Chapter - they're used for striking the finishing blow on suitably wounded 'worthy' enemies, alongside the usual use as an emergency melee weapon. Probable ties to the homeworld here, need to think more about this

* Marines often wear pelts, tails, scales or fangs taken from the monsters of Talhon or other worlds, to channel that creature's strength/fury/toughness, etc. into themselves.

* Speaking of which, the White Hawks' greatest strength is their endurance. They're tough and virtually tireless, even by Space Marine standards. This works well for them, because:

* Combat Doctrine: The Hawks don't do stealth or fancy, complex strategies much. They prefer to either drop right on top of their enemies or otherwise make a 'big entrance'. Most of their tactics are straightforward, with the ever-present backup plan of 'keep fighting, they'll get tired before we do' coming into play when things go sideways.

* Organisational Quirks: Following a Talhonic tradition, the Chapter labels it's often-divided Veteran Company as the 9th Company, placed after the 'whole' battle companies (1-4) and reserves (5-8). The Scout company, also frequently split into smaller forces, remains the 10th company. With that exception, they are essentially codex-adherent.

* Geneseed Quirks: Vanilla Ultramarines. Can't decide if the Hawks' famed endurance should be a trait native to Talhon's people or a quirk of their geneseed.

* Primaris: The White Hawks are slow to trust Primaris Marines, and for the first few decades the Hawks don't see the New Brothers as equals, playing down their accomplishments and abilities. But, like all White Hawks, the Primaris win their recognition in the Chapter by endurance, weathering the scornful disdain and coming out the other side fighting every bit as ferociously as when they started. The Hawks eventually maintain a roughly even split of recruiting Firstborn and Primaris marines.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

So that's what I've got so far for my boys in white - what d'you think so far? Is this a workable Chapter or just a load of total drivel?

Any and all thoughts, C&C, strongly worded objections or other repsonses are much appreciated. happy.png


Edited by Ace Debonair, 09 September 2019 - 10:20 PM.


#3
Bjorn Firewalker

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Your OP is competently written.

Talhon is a primitive, feudal, death world. Its cities have mighty thick stone walls and lots of ways to drive off attackers. The reason for this is that everywhere outside of the cities is 'Here Be Monsters' country

Can Talhon's people build new cities by themselves? Or are these "thick stone walls" artifacts from the "golden age" that existed before the monsters- maybe Tyranids that went feral after they lost contact with the Hive Mind, in a prehistoric incursion, like Catachan Devils and Fenrisian Krakens- came?

Talhon's people seldom war against each other, instead producing viable recruits for the Chapter by training from infancy to hunt, fight and slay these monsters.

"We have better things to do than wage war against our fellow man- chief among them, fighting for survival in the face of these monsters," is a good attitude.

Following a Talhonic tradition, the Chapter labels it's often-divided Veteran Company as the 9th Company, placed after the 'whole' battle companies (1-4) and reserves (5-8). The Scout company, also frequently split into smaller forces, remains the 10th company.

Is this so the Veterans can provide the Scouts with training, passing on knowledge hard-earned via their extensive experience? Or are there additional reasons, e.g., nine is considered a significant number? (For comparison, in China, the numbers four, eight, and nine sound similar to the respective Chinese words for death, prosperity, and longetivity, making their use significant to the superstitious.)

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 04 September 2019 - 11:42 AM.

Wolf Scout- Catachan barking toad eggs+ Thousand Sons Marine= Fun! (Wolves of Catachan)
Sisters of Battle+ Fenrisian Beer- Inhibitions- Sanity= Trouble! (Order of the Blazing Heart Rocket Punch Pimp Magnet She-Wolf)

 

Reasons to use the Steel Crusaders ('Codex: Space Marines' supplement): Because you think giving Sternguard Veterans a heavy bolter wtih special issue HEAVY BOLTER ammunition is ALMOST as much fun as shoehorning an Earthshaker cannon into a Land Raider.

 

Reasons to use the Iron-hearted Angels ('Codex: Blood Angels' supplement): Because you think the Librarian Dreadnought needs Furious Charge AND It Will Not Die to beat down a Chaos-worshiping punk and his Defiler, while a Stormraven needs a Vanquisher cannon to beat down this punk's Heldrake.


#4
Chaplain Dosjetka

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Moved. ;)

 

Solid start on your Hawks. If I may, I'd suggest endurance being inherent to the people of Talhon; after all, to track beasts over many miles and finally kill it you must have large reserves of endurance (and patience).


tn_gallery_45765_15430_660.pnggallery_45765_12339_44045.pngtn_gallery_45765_11834_1547.png

 

You carry the Emperor's will as your torch, with it destroy the shadows.

Accept all challenges, no matter the odds.

Suffer not the Heretic to live.

Abhor the Typo.

 


#5
Ace Debonair

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Moved. msn-wink.gif


Many thanks!

I think my zeal to get started got the best of me there. sweat.gif
 

Solid start on your Hawks. If I may, I'd suggest endurance being inherent to the people of Talhon; after all, to track beasts over many miles and finally kill it you must have large reserves of endurance (and patience).


Makes sense, when you put it like that. happy.png

Consider that point taken on board!
 

Your OP is competently written.


It's been a long time in the making, to be fair! laugh.png

 

 

Talhon is a primitive, feudal, death world. Its cities have mighty thick stone walls and lots of ways to drive off attackers. The reason for this is that everywhere outside of the cities is 'Here Be Monsters' country

Can Talhon's people build new cities by themselves? Or are these "thick stone walls" artifacts from the "golden age" that existed before the monsters- maybe Tyranids that went feral after they lost contact with the Hive Mind, in a prehistoric incursion, like Catachan Devils and Fenrisian Krakens- came?

 


Oh, I like that idea. There can be ancient buildings whose original purpose is lost to time, with most of them converted to shrines to The Emperor, and the occasional site where old, arcane automated defences used to be (before past generations of Talhonic peoples melted them down for the metal, perhaps).

I did also plan to give the Hawks a splinter fleet of 'nids as a particular nemesis... perhaps the continuous killing of proto-tyrannic-species could go some way to draw the rogue fleet's ire towards the Hawks.
 

 

Following a Talhonic tradition, the Chapter labels it's often-divided Veteran Company as the 9th Company, placed after the 'whole' battle companies (1-4) and reserves (5-8). The Scout company, also frequently split into smaller forces, remains the 10th company.

Is this so the Veterans can provide the Scouts with training, passing on knowledge hard-earned via their extensive experience? Or are there additional reasons, e.g., nine is considered a significant number? (For comparison, in China, the numbers four, eight, and nine sound similar to the respective Chinese words for death, prosperity, and longetivity, making their use significant to the superstitious.)

 

 

I like both of these ideas, and might use both of them. Talhon's packed with superstitions, so having nine as a lucky number will fit right in with no problems.
 
Having veterans on hand to dispense useful advice to the newbies is an angle I hadn't considered, but does make a lot of sense too.

 

In fact, I'm increasingly liking this reasoning, since I could also include the angle that it gives the new blood a visible example of the prestige and glory they might grow to achieve. happy.png



#6
Brother Lunkhead

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Ace Debonair
Posted Today, 02:17 AM
So that's what I've got so far for my boys in white - what d'you think so far? Is this a workable Chapter or just a load of total drivel?

Definitely total drivelmsn-wink.gif .…... just kidding (I'm in a spunky mood todaywoot.gif). Look's very solid Brother Aceyes.gif

 

I'm with Brother Chaplain Dos where it comes to the endurance factor. Space Marines already have crazy endurance so outside genetics would give them the extra boost

 

Back story looks solid and models look good toothumbsup.gif .... looking forward to seeing more.

 


Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 04 September 2019 - 06:12 PM.


#7
Brother Cambrius

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Ahhh the nutty boys from Talhon, I've missed seeing them since the Lauss Rift Campaign. :D

 

A solid start already Ace, with all the ingredients necessary to build and define the White Hawks. I had forgotten about their endurance trait, as it mirrored my Vanquishers a lot. Best thing is with the new Codex's Chapter Tactics, there is already one there for Endurance-oriented Astartes too. I think it would befit more from it descending form Talhon's culture rather than the geneseed as it suits the inhabitants' methodology of hunting and surviving out in the wilds with patience and living through everything it throws at their mortal bodies.

 

So in terms of them gaining Primaris marines, what happened in the centuries after M41 and the splitting of the Imperium to the White Hawks? How much of their number were whittled away as the horrors of Chaos and sundry ran rampant and their genefather returned from the near dead? Do the Hawks see this as the ultimate test of outlasting the true horrors the universe can provide as the relentless pace of attacks form the Imperium's enemies increase?

 

All in all, a great start. Now to build it up.

 

Cambrius


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#8
Ace Debonair

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Definitely total drivel;)

Ah, drat. pinch.gif
 

.…... just kidding (I'm in a spunky mood today:woot:). Look's very solid Brother Ace:yes:
 
I'm with Brother Chaplain Dos where it comes to the endurance factor. Space Marines already have crazy endurance so outside genetics would give them the extra boost


Oh, phew. I was about to scrap the whole lot for another decade then! tongue.png

Natural Talhonic endurance is making more sense by the day - I think that's what I'll run with.

 

Ahhh the nutty boys from Talhon, I've missed seeing them since the Lauss Rift Campaign. biggrin.png


Captain Ambrose is still around and still fighting, for what it's worth.
Happy with that model (except maybe the shield - might need to do something to Hawk it up a bit) so I've no plans to kill him off.
 

A solid start already Ace, with all the ingredients necessary to build and define the White Hawks. I had forgotten about their endurance trait, as it mirrored my Vanquishers a lot. Best thing is with the new Codex's Chapter Tactics, there is already one there for Endurance-oriented Astartes too. I think it would befit more from it descending form Talhon's culture rather than the geneseed as it suits the inhabitants' methodology of hunting and surviving out in the wilds with patience and living through everything it throws at their mortal bodies.


Which trait are you thinking of?
From my point of view the Hawks should have Stalwart and Born Heroes - it's like a three word summary of the Chapter! laugh.png


 

So in terms of them gaining Primaris marines, what happened in the centuries after M41 and the splitting of the Imperium to the White Hawks? How much of their number were whittled away as the horrors of Chaos and sundry ran rampant and their genefather returned from the near dead? Do the Hawks see this as the ultimate test of outlasting the true horrors the universe can provide as the relentless pace of attacks form the Imperium's enemies increase?


It's honestly just another day and another duty to the Hawks.

 

 

Without talking FOREVER about everything that happened in the Glastheim Rifts around the time of the 13th Black Crusade, the White Hawks were spread thin at the time everything went to hell. 

 

Athlum, homeworld of the Champions, came under siege, as did Ramosha (where the Abyssal Host live) and Drakon Primus (Brotherhood of Crows). The Hawks sent three companies to Athlum, two to Ramosha and two to Drakon Primus. The latter four didn't make it - they were pulled aside dealing with enormous cult uprisings on a bunch of worlds thought to be secure.

 

Then the Primaris marines arrive to save the day (stealing the Hawks' thunder in the process, according to the Chapter) and in the great scheme of things, everything carried on more or less as normal.

The New Brothers were a bit of a concern to start with, and the fact that their Primarch didn't seek the White Hawks out (there are rumours that Guilliman himself fought at Ramosha) is a stinging blow to their pride, but the Glastheim Rifts are still imperilled, and the White Hawks will weather the storm, come what may.

 

The Hawks do brag a bit about how the heretics were too scared/smart to even try and attack Talhon, but that might be masking their worry that the enemy simply didn't think they were worth the effort.

 

All in all, a great start. Now to build it up.
 
Cambrius

 

That's the trick, isn't it? laugh.png

 

Outlines are easy, fleshing them out is the difficult bit.

 

Takes a long time, too.

 

...One might call it a feat of endurance.

Hmm.

 

[Talhonic heritage intensifies]



#9
Messor

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A lot of great development already, Ace. I'm particularly entertained that they trash-talk in combat, and I desperately hope you'll give us some examples. Those helmets are awesome, too. Those are extremely intimidating!

 

Does their preference for open, direct combat mean they enjoy siege campaigns, or is it more that they like pitched battles on a contested field?


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#10
Ace Debonair

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A lot of great development already, Ace. I'm particularly entertained that they trash-talk in combat, and I desperately hope you'll give us some examples. Those helmets are awesome, too. Those are extremely intimidating!


I have a few examples that might make it into the article.

I'll definitely have one for the quote atop the Combat Doctrine section. biggrin.png

The helmets are actually Chaos Warrior helmets with the horns cut off, because for the longest time I simply didn't have the brush control ability required to paint eyes on regular helmets. Jittery hands and a love of painting models go together poorly! I eventually improved enough to paint moderately good lenses - but by then the Talhon-pattern helmets were THE defining visual feature of my lads, so I stuck with it.

 

Does their preference for open, direct combat mean they enjoy siege campaigns, or is it more that they like pitched battles on a contested field?


Hmm.
I think they'd prefer pitched battles on a contested field, but their stamina and durability would lend itself to sieges and counter-sieges quite nicely, and the Hawks never were one to shy away from a challenging battle.
 

I think the correct answer, therefore, is that both options would appeal quite strongly to the Hawks.happy.png

 

It's campaigns that lack or limit any chances to go head to head with a significant enemy force that really throws the Hawks off their game. Any Campaign stalled out by espionage or subterfuge, so the Space Marines can't find a target to decisively strike at.



#11
Nomus Sardauk

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The Boys are back! I have to say, out of the original four Chapters of the Iron (or is it Silver now?) Circle the White Hawks are probably my favourite due to the sheer gall of them, a small-time, no-name Chapter charged with guarding a backwater sector with three other no-name misfit Chapters, and they have the sheer, unadulterated cahones to believe themselves the Emperor's greatest servants? Not to mention how violently upset they get with anyone who so much as questions that belief, be they their fellow rift wardens, guardsmen, Inquisitors or even 1st founding chapters!
Honestly, the fact that they've survived as long as they have is nothing short of a miracle. 😅

Regardless, I'm looking forward to seeing you develop them further as if I recall correctly I helped contribute to their homeworld's lore in the original thread, so hopefully I can be of use this time around as well. Speaking of which, I'd suggest maybe checking out the monsters, weapons and armour in Monster Hunter: World for conversion and cultural inspiration, they're really interesting. 😁

Edited by Nomus Sardauk, 08 September 2019 - 05:32 PM.

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#12
Ace Debonair

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The Boys are back! I have to say, out of the original four Chapters of the Iron (or is it Silver now?) Circle the White Hawks are probably my favourite due to the sheer gall of them, a small-time, no-name Chapter charged with guarding a backwater sector with three other no-name misfit Chapters, and they have the sheer, unadulterated cahones to believe themselves the Emperor's greatest servants? Not to mention how violently upset they get with anyone who so much as questions that belief, be they their fellow rift wardens, guardsmen, Inquisitors or even 1st founding chapters!
Honestly, the fact that they've survived as long as they have is nothing short of a miracle.


Every space Marine Chapter believes themselves the best - the White Hawks were just more honest about it than everyone else. tongue.png

That was one of the things I found hard to balance - in all honesty the Hawks are great fighters, impeccably loyal and utterly steadfast - but not more so than the Ultramarines, Space Wolves, Salamanders or even really any of the other Chapters all across the galaxy by the time of their founding.

In truth, I plan to play down the scale of their ego slightly, but also make it more of a handicap and make it a bit more clear there's some delusions of grandeur going on in the Chapter's collective psyche.

 

Regardless, I'm looking forward to seeing you develop them further as if I recall correctly I helped contribute to their homeworld's lore in the original thread, so hopefully I can be of use this time around as well. Speaking of which, I'd suggest maybe checking out the monsters, weapons and armour in Monster Hunter: World for conversion and cultural inspiration, they're really interesting.


You may rest assured that nothing Monster Hunter related gets by me, it's roughly 80% of the homeworld's inspiration. laugh.png

I'm going to do my darnedest not to turn this IA into "Talhon: A Documentary (featuring the White Hawks)", though, so I'll deliberately be a little light on details.

 

Time Emperor willing, I'll get my actual 'first draft' of the IA up soon. thumbsup.gif

 



#13
Ace Debonair

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Time Emperor willing, I'll get my actual 'first draft' of the IA up soon. thumbsup.gif

THE EMPEROR WILLS IT BROTHERS!

[ Talhonic Heritage Intensifies Further ]
 
I've updated the First Post with a rough draft of the IA, barring Recent History and Beliefs for the moment.
 
I need to figure out how to cover Recent History without it just being a list of recent battles. wallbash.gif

 
If anyone has any thoughts, C&C, or ideas, I'm always happy to hear them, so... let me know what you think! happy.png
 
EDIT:
Edited and further updated, 10/9/2019

By the Throne of Terra, this IA is a huge wall of text.
My apologies, brothers - I didn't intend for this to get so wordy, so quickly.

Edited by Ace Debonair, 10 September 2019 - 06:42 PM.


#14
Ace Debonair

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Another update!

 

I've got my beliefs section up now. Apologies again for the wall of text this IA is becoming. sweat.gif

 

C&C is very much welcome (for any section, let me clarify, not just the new stuff!) if anyone has the patience for a long read. laugh.png facepalm.png

 

 

EDIT: Egads, a triple-post. May the Emperor forgive me for my sins. pinch.gif


Edited by Ace Debonair, 11 September 2019 - 09:48 AM.


#15
Inquisitor Van Horn

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Which trait are you thinking of?
From my point of view the Hawks should have Stalwart and Born Heroes - it's like a three word summary of the Chapter! laugh.png


 

So in terms of them gaining Primaris marines, what happened in the centuries after M41 and the splitting of the Imperium to the White Hawks? How much of their number were whittled away as the horrors of Chaos and sundry ran rampant and their genefather returned from the near dead? Do the Hawks see this as the ultimate test of outlasting the true horrors the universe can provide as the relentless pace of attacks form the Imperium's enemies increase?


It's honestly just another day and another duty to the Hawks.

 

 

Without talking FOREVER about everything that happened in the Glastheim Rifts around the time of the 13th Black Crusade, the White Hawks were spread thin at the time everything went to hell. 

 

Athlum, homeworld of the Champions, came under siege, as did Ramosha (where the Abyssal Host live) and Drakon Primus (Brotherhood of Crows). The Hawks sent three companies to Athlum, two to Ramosha and two to Drakon Primus. The latter four didn't make it - they were pulled aside dealing with enormous cult uprisings on a bunch of worlds thought to be secure.

 

Then the Primaris marines arrive to save the day (stealing the Hawks' thunder in the process, according to the Chapter) and in the great scheme of things, everything carried on more or less as normal.

The New Brothers were a bit of a concern to start with, and the fact that their Primarch didn't seek the White Hawks out (there are rumours that Guilliman himself fought at Ramosha) is a stinging blow to their pride, but the Glastheim Rifts are still imperilled, and the White Hawks will weather the storm, come what may.

 

The Hawks do brag a bit about how the heretics were too scared/smart to even try and attack Talhon, but that might be masking their worry that the enemy simply didn't think they were worth the effort.

 

All in all, a great start. Now to build it up.
 
Cambrius

 

That's the trick, isn't it? laugh.png

 

Outlines are easy, fleshing them out is the difficult bit.

 

Takes a long time, too.

 

...One might call it a feat of endurance.

Hmm.

 

[Talhonic heritage intensifies]

 

 

Really enjoyable read so far, I would suggest adding the history you list above into a "Notable Conflicts" header, they really add depth to your chapter. 

 

And a wall of text can always be lessened with some formatting so don't hold back! thumbsup.gif


gallery 26154 15777 7710

 


#16
Messor

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Not wall-of-texty at all; it's looking great! The Hawks are full of great character and detail. Also loved the Skyrim reference.


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#17
Brother Lunkhead

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Great work Brother Ace.  Your White Hawks are shaping up very nicely. I especially like the barbaric touch to their culture and the importance of sagas.

 

Livery looks good..... heraldry?..... looking forward to seeing that.

 

Nice touch with the quotes placed throughout..... you have a good touch of the bard in you I thinkyes.gif

 

Just so I don't swell your head too muchlaugh.png I've just a couple of minor critiques for you.

 

A battle in M40.989 on the desert moon of Akrilla against Hive Fleet Goliandr's mad hordes saw a similar result, the Sixth Company losing four fifths of its' strength in pitched battle with tyranid warriors after a failed decapitation strike on what was thought to be the enemy's leadership. The Hawks nevertheless touted this harrowing slaughter as a victory, albeit quietly.

First official contact with the Tyranids was in M41.741. Although there is evidence of probing activity as far back as M34, no major contact is recorded. I suggest the easiest fix is to change date to M41.989.

 

In addition to cultural adaptation, the physiology of Talhonic natives, when combined with the genetic augments that create a Space Marine, lends itself well to levels of hardiness and fatigue resistance that border on the incredible, even by the standards of Space Marines. While many Space Marine Chapters are more than capable of fighting for days at a time without cease, reports of the White Hawks doing so without showing any signs of fatigue are not unheard of.

"....bordering on the incredible" ermm.gif This "human" genetic trait I think will give them a good edge, but "incredible" is a bit overstated. Or.... there could be physical consequences.... such as.... after exhibiting "incredible" feats of endurance for days on end the Battle Brother drops dead from total exhaustionyes.gif .....no.gif or..... after exhibiting "incredible" feats of endurancd for days on end the Battle Brother immediately takes a naptongue.png IMO Space Marines are already super soldiers with super powers, I don't think they need any super-dooper powers.

 

Coupled with this is an inherited tradition of placing great importance on the humble Combat Knife. Special hunter's knives are used by the warriors of Talhon to finish off 'worthy' enemies, as doing so is thought to amplify one's own warrior spirit. The White Hawks are known to execute defeated enemies with their knives for roughly the same reason, another custom that is looked upon as proof of the Hawks' primitive and uncivilised mindset.

That's a nice bit of lore..... I like that a lotcool.png

 

On the whole, your chapter looks aces Brother Acethumbsup.gif


Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 11 September 2019 - 07:10 PM.


#18
Ace Debonair

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A battle in M40.989 on the desert moon of Akrilla against Hive Fleet Goliandr's mad hordes saw a similar result, the Sixth Company losing four fifths of its' strength in pitched battle with tyranid warriors after a failed decapitation strike on what was thought to be the enemy's leadership. The Hawks nevertheless touted this harrowing slaughter as a victory, albeit quietly.

First official contact with the Tyranids was in M41.741. Although there is evidence of probing activity as far back as M34, no major contact is recorded. I suggest the easiest fix is to change date to M41.989.

 


I actually originally meant to put M41.989 - I'd even looked up when the Hive Fleets turned up and everything. facepalm.png
Truly, writing at midnight can negate even carefully done research! sweat.gif

 

 

In addition to cultural adaptation, the physiology of Talhonic natives, when combined with the genetic augments that create a Space Marine, lends itself well to levels of hardiness and fatigue resistance that border on the incredible, even by the standards of Space Marines. While many Space Marine Chapters are more than capable of fighting for days at a time without cease, reports of the White Hawks doing so without showing any signs of fatigue are not unheard of.

"....bordering on the incredible"  This "human" genetic trait I think will give them a good edge, but "incredible" is a bit overstated. Or.... there could be physical consequences.... such as.... after exhibiting "incredible" feats of endurance for days on end the Battle Brother drops dead from total exhaustion:yes: ..... or..... after exhibiting "incredible" feats of endurancd for days on end the Battle Brother immediately takes a nap:P IMO Space Marines are already super soldiers with super powers, I don't think they need any super-dooper powers.

 


Yeah, perhaps I'm overplaying the resistance to fatigue a little. ermm.gif

I'll have a go at reining it back in a bit and see how it looks then.
 

Really enjoyable read so far, I would suggest adding the history you list above into a "Notable Conflicts" header, they really add depth to your chapter. 
 
And a wall of text can always be lessened with some formatting so don't hold back! 

 Those battles will turn up when I get my Recent History section into some kind of coherent order!

 

...This might take me a little while.
 

Not wall-of-texty at all; it's looking great! The Hawks are full of great character and detail. Also loved the Skyrim reference.

 

It's a Chapter big on sagas, heroes and yelling. I had to have a Skyrim quote in there. laugh.png

 

 

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

Cheers for the votes of confidence, brothers!

I'll keep plugging away and see if I can get the Chapter polished enough to reach the 'Version 1.0' mark sooner rather than later!

 

 


Edited by Ace Debonair, 11 September 2019 - 10:05 PM.

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#19
Brother Lunkhead

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Lookin' good Brother Acethumbsup.gif

 

Truly, writing at midnight can negate even carefully done research!

 

Truthyes.gif I am with you on that one brother! 



#20
Ace Debonair

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Updated! biggrin.png

 

Now featuring: Less fatigue resistance, Tyranids who arrive on time, and a brand new Recent History section, replete with Primaris marines and grudging acceptance.happy.png



#21
Ace Debonair

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I'm almost about to run the risk of thinking the Hawks are more or less OK at this point, brothers. ermm.gif
 

I just need a couple of pictures (one for the very top of the article, showing off my fancy Reiver squad, one further down showing off the Chapter symbol) and another short sidebar or two, once I figure out what should actually go in them.sweat.gif

 

EDIT:

By all of which I mean: "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this article is almost out of things to add / adjust". laugh.png

I am not good at communicating meaning once the clock strikes midnight. facepalm.png


Edited by Ace Debonair, 01 October 2019 - 11:47 PM.

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#22
Brother Lunkhead

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I did a detailed read of your IA last night so, yeah..... I'm thinkin' the Hawks are pretty much okthumbsup.gif  You've turned this thing into a really solid piece of work, and you've got a lot here to be proud ofyes.gif You'll never actually be "out of things to add." An IA is going to always be a work in progress as you consider new adventures and other nuances to their back story. You can add that anytime. I'm thinkin' a side bar or two for atmosphere and some heraldry and you're good to go.

 

Lest I leave you starved of criticism, here's some nit pickery for you to munch onmsn-wink.gif


Hive Fleet Goliandr's splintered hordes wander closer to the Rifts, their maddened, howling ships disgorging swarm after swarm of cannibalistic, frenzied monsters on the worlds unfortunate enough to be in their paths.

You might want to replace "cannibalistic" with something like "ravenous" unless they really are eating each otherwacko.png

 

There was one other area where I found an even smaller nit to pick, but I'm running out of time to look for it againteehee.gif Maybe you can find it yourself.... I'll give you a hint. You use the word "couple" where "several" would have been more appropriate and less informal. Good luckbiggrin.png

 

Gotta go.... looks great!



#23
Ace Debonair

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I did a detailed read of your IA last night so, yeah..... I'm thinkin' the Hawks are pretty much ok You've turned this thing into a really solid piece of work, and you've got a lot here to be proud of

I'm glad you think so! biggrin.png

Just think, all it took was about fifteen years of figuring out what I really wanted from my very own Chapter, and then about two months of frantically hammering out stuff in notepad afterward. laugh.png
 

You'll never actually be "out of things to add." An IA is going to always be a work in progress as you consider new adventures and other nuances to their back story.


Preach it, brother. I've got some examples that are a decade old and still waiting for a fresh update. ermm.gif

There's always next year's LASC, of course...

 

 

But for the Hawks, I think at this point I'll just wait for inspiration to strike regarding a little sidebar or two.

 

Lest I leave you starved of criticism, here's some nit pickery for you to munch on

Ah, here we go. happy.png
 

You might want to replace "cannibalistic" with something like "ravenous" unless they really are eating each other:wacko:

Ah. Good catch.

 

...Thing is, technically they ARE eating each other.

Hive Fleet Goliandr's gimmick is that whatever Hive Mind (or facet thereof in the case of all fleets being controlled by one being) is controlling it is incurably insane, even by Tyranid standards.

 

This insanity includes not only eating their own wounded after battles for the purpose of recycling biomass, but actually developing something of a taste for consuming Tyranid life forms, meaning sometimes you've only got to cause enough bloodshed and the Mad Hive Fleet's troops will tear each other apart in a feeding frenzy.

 

On the other hand, the White Hawks wouldn't know about any of this, because the other thing that makes Goliandr dangerous is that it has the capacity to feel hatred.

In particular, raw, blistering hatred for Space Marines, that overrides even the Mad Hive's usual delirious, self-destructive hunger.

 

So given the White Hawks both A:] Wouldn't know about Goliandr's cannibalism and B:] wouldn't care about it, I've changed the word for 'feral', which still conveys the right feeling without the implication of knowledge beyond what the Hawks would know.

 

 

 

TL;DR: Well spotted, I've changed it. laugh.png

 

There was one other area where I found an even smaller nit to pick, but I'm running out of time to look for it again:teehee: Maybe you can find it yourself.... I'll give you a hint. You use the word "couple" where "several" would have been more appropriate and less informal. Good luck:D
 
Gotta go.... looks great!

 

That is some next level stuff - making the writer search for his own mistakes. tongue.png

I could see this catching on as a sort of C&C mini-game! laugh.png

 

I found the error, and substituted the word 'several' to better describe the number of differences between the Hawks' organisation and the Codex Approved kind.

 

 

EDIT:

Also, Update!

 

Now with pictures of my Reiver squad at the top and my shockingly plain, badly painted and odd-angled heraldry on the sergeant of the same down in organisation.


Edited by Ace Debonair, 02 October 2019 - 08:11 PM.


#24
Trokair

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It sounds to me that there is a bit of a space wolf mentality that has crept into the Hawks once they settle on Talhon. Is this because you are or plan on using Space wolf rules on the Table, or just coincidental due to a shared heritage in inspiration?

 

I am also senescing quite a bit of self doubt in the underlying Chapter psyche, is this a setup for some of them later turning renegade (not necessarily chaos, just not Imperium) at a later date in search for the glory that appears to be so denied to them?


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#25
Ace Debonair

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It sounds to me that there is a bit of a space wolf mentality that has crept into the Hawks once they settle on Talhon. Is this because you are or plan on using Space wolf rules on the Table, or just coincidental due to a shared heritage in inspiration?


Definitely the second option - I don't actually play anything other than Space Crusade (with some modified rules to account for all the new fancy stuff). sweat.gif

The Hawks draw a lot from traits I like to see in other Space Marine Chapters. Warriors, rather than soldiers. A love of sagas and songs, a preference for close combat (but not to the point of exclusivity) and feats of heroism in the face of impossible odds. Leaders and veterans who win their place through countless battles, earning their reputation through strength, skill, and daring.

Which does sound a lot like the Space Wolves, if you take away most of the Wolf/Viking theme. happy.png

Ironically the White Hawks started out nothing like this, and a lot more like the Dark Angels, 'cause I didn't like the Wolves' character much at all. Fast forward a decade or so, though...laugh.png
 

I am also senescing quite a bit of self doubt in the underlying Chapter psyche, is this a setup for some of them later turning renegade (not necessarily chaos, just not Imperium) at a later date in search for the glory that appears to be so denied to them?


I've left my options open there quite deliberately. ph34r.png

I'm pretty sure canonically most Chapters have had at least some of their number fall to Chaos - so I think it's fun to think about how such a thing could happen in my Chapters, and maybe leave a little space for something... dark... to happen in case I need it to.


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Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Ace Debonair, The Silver Circle, Glastheim Rifts, DIY, White Hawks, Liber Astartes, LASC 19, And so the madness continues

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