Defenders of Lornage

[Bruce Malcom]

Possibly nitpicky suggestion:

Edit this scene like so:

"Brothers! Where is Brother-Lieutenant Markan?"A flash drew their attention to the explosion that destroyed the autocannon turret, scattering the burning flesh of foul xenos- and likely, that of the Lieutenant- in all directions.

Sejanus shook his head. "He died, in service of the Emperor..."

The additional sentence (in italics, though that shouldn't be necessary when you edit your story) is meant to show Markan died (or seemingly died) the way Sejanus said. Of course, if you omit it, it will seem like Sejanus and Dobbman simply abandoned the LT- something the World Eaters can use to further destroy Markan's loyalty to the Imperium, if/when the traitors attempt to transform him into Zhufor 2.0.

Added a situation similar.

[Bjorn Firewalker]

 

Possibly nitpicky suggestion:

Edit this scene like so:

"Brothers! Where is Brother-Lieutenant Markan?"A flash drew their attention to the explosion that destroyed the autocannon turret, scattering the burning flesh of foul xenos- and likely, that of the Lieutenant- in all directions.

Sejanus shook his head. "He died, in service of the Emperor..."

The additional sentence (in italics, though that shouldn't be necessary when you edit your story) is meant to show Markan died (or seemingly died) the way Sejanus said. Of course, if you omit it, it will seem like Sejanus and Dobbman simply abandoned the LT- something the World Eaters can use to further destroy Markan's loyalty to the Imperium, if/when the traitors attempt to transform him into Zhufor 2.0.

Added a situation similar.

You did well.