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The Strigoi - Update 06/29/20

3rd Founding Blood Angels Successor Infantry Assault Close Combat

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AHorriblePerson

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THE STRIGOI

gallery_108437_15926_508347.jpgCHAPTER NAME: .............. STRIGOI
FOUNDING: .................. 3RD [SUSPECTED]
CHAPTER WORLD: ............. VERIAD
FORTRESS MONASTERY: ........ ARX CREPUSCULA [LUNAR BASE]
GENE-SEED (PREDECESSOR): ... BLOOD ANGELS
KNOWN DESCENDANTS: ......... NONE








--

T
he Strigoi are a successor chapter raised from the gene-seed of Sanguinius, the progenitor of the Blood Angels. Choosing to display their Primarch’s curse openly, they are widely shunned and rarely trusted.
The chapter is noted to be extremely bellicose, resulting in or perhaps even because of their high activity. Task forces of the Strigoi are constantly scattered all over the galaxy, eager to slay the enemies of man wherever they may find them. Here is the nature of the chapter laid bare: they are war masons, filled with a grim pride for their work, unapologetic towards their censors. Alas, they may be justified in their bearing - mankind always has need of those who rage against the darkness, no matter how monstrous they may be. As the gears of war grind on and the Imperium braces itself to endure fresh horrors, the Strigoi stand ready to fight, their blades whetted and their thirst unslaked.


HERITAGE

Wayward Sons
Although concrete information regarding their beginnings and early history has been lost to the currents of time, the sources at hand reveal that the Strigoi were created from Blood Angels gene-seed some ten millennia ago, suggesting that the chapter is a product of either the third or fourth founding. Indeed, the Liber Angeli describes the genesis of a chapter bearing a strong reminiscence to their profile:
 

Alas, this new fraternity took to the stars, the Revenant at their head leading them into new wars among uncaring stars in an attempt to quench his thirst for vengeance. Forged centuries later, made of whole cloth and minds unblemished, they nonetheless daubed themselves in the grey heraldry of ages past, for the Great Angel’s crimson was not theirs to wear anymore. The Revenant and his butchers only halted on their quest for blood when they discovered a world fit to bear their burden, where they would begin to create a legacy of their own.

 
Records pertaining to the chapter’s activity steadily become more prevalent towards the end of M.32, citing the Strigoi as crucial to the containment of several chaotic incursions around the Cadian Gate. Particular emphasis, however, is placed on both their characteristic brutality and frustratingly dismissive interactions with anyone not of their number, concluding the assessment by labeling them a powerful, if difficult ally to work alongside.
Curiously, their disdainful behaviour extends as far as to other chapters of sanguinian descent, the circumstances admitting this icy relationship unknown to any not of the brotherhood. In contrast, the Strigoi have never sired a successor chapter of their own, a fact they seem to view with marked indifference.


HOMEWORLD

Veriad - The Crucible
The chapter is based in the Veriad System, close to the galactic core. Nearly bereft of all sentient life, it serves as an ideal stronghold for a brotherhood as fiercely independent as theirs. Only the system’s eponymous capital planet provides ample ground for mankind to prosper, making it the Strigoi’s primary source of recruits.
Of its history before the coming of the chapter, little is known. Evidence seems to suggest that the star system was settled by human colonists shortly before the nightmares of the Age of Strife became reality. It may have been this infamous period of psychic madness and burning worlds that tore the fledgling civilisation asunder and permanently rendered it down to primitive remains.
 
Veriad would be rediscovered towards the end of the 30th millennium by the 805th expeditionary fleet. Having made the arduous journey deep into Ultima Segmentum, these dutiful pioneers anchored long enough to record their findings before leaving for the frontlines of the Great Heresy, the world slipping into obscurity for centuries more. The Strigoi of M.32 found a world of gloaming beauty to call their own, bedecked with mist-laden forests and blue oceans. Not that the chapter had eyes to spare for this most unusual si, for their attention lay elsewhere. The treetops hide a deadly clash of man and monster that moulds prime material for the Adeptus Astartes.
 
Human life on Veriad is a privilege rather than a right. The barbaric clans that roam its wilds carve out their existence with the edge of a blade, each of them a killer of prodigious skill, be they man or woman, a child or fully grown. Truly, nothing less would suffice. The thicket around their meagre dwellings is rich with nocturnal megafauna that would drag careless veriadans into the wild given the chance. To remain a step ahead thus sees them able to not only weather their predations, but also turn the tide against them, hunting the creatures for food and raw materials. Each kill made strengthens a clansman’s reputation, earning him the regard of his kin - perhaps even that of the mysterious grey huntsmen from the skies.
 
A Fortress between the Stars
Besides their recruitment drives, the astartes have little to no contact with the Veriadans. Recluses by nature, they make a quality out of solitude as they exemplify through the bulwark of stone and metal that is their fortress-monastery.
The Arx Crepuscula (Low Gothic transl.: Duskhold) is no creation of the Strigoi, its artless spires and black-metal ramparts having existed before they first arrived at Răugol, Veriad’s moon. Initially identified via auspex as a number of simple subterranean facilities, week-long expeditions performed by first company kill teams revealed that nearly the entire satellite was hollowed out to accommodate an old space station of Terran origin. Though little power flowed through its systems and no trace of the structure’s occupants remained, the discovery was deemed a sign of the Emperor’s favour and the Strigoi claimed it by right of conquest.
 
Centuries later, the Duskhold still stands firm as a symbol of Imperial supremacy. The fact that it is confined to Veriad’s orbit does not impede its deadliness, far from it: the Strigoi have taken every measure to ensure that the monastery’s numerous defences can obliterate any threat to Veriad at a safe distance. Its enormous firepower is controlled by the chapter’s host of serfs, skilled menials that administer the daily goings-on of the keep and oversee the maintenance of it and the belongings of their masters. Răugol is scarcely attended by more than a handful of marines as the endless wars in the galaxy demand their attention elsewhere. This may go some way in explaining why much of the Hold’s halls and corridors remain unexplored to this day - indeed, with the chapter preoccupied, hardly anyone has dared to descend into the moon’s bottomless depths over the millennia. Of those driven enough to try, not all have returned; more than likely lost in labyrinthine corridors that seem impossible to map. A fortunate few, however, would see the light of day once more, sometimes bearing the fragments of technology thought lost to time.
 
Veriad's riches is kept far away from prying eyes not simply by means of the Duskold’s blistering weapons batteries; the space near the galactic core is also ripe with cosmic phenomena, making the knowledge of safe travelling routes an invaluable resource closely guarded by the chapter. The Veriad system has remained unconquered for over nine thousand years - even so, there was certainly no shortage of attempts.

  
CULTURE AND TRAITS

Addendum: The Bloodied Maw
Inspired by the coming-of-age rituals of their homeworld, the mark of the Bloodied Maw represents a rare example of veriadan influence in the chapter and is treated like an informal veteran’s honour, none without it ever having been elevated into the first company elite. Similarly to its spiritual predecessors, the Maw is bestowed for extraordinary accomplishments ranging from lengthy service records over displays of strategic awareness to participation in notable military campaigns. It can best be described as a splash of arterial crimson on the brother-marine’s helmet - individual as they are in their iconography, the marking takes a different form for each bearer.


gallery_108437_15926_3005.jpg

Wrath of Angels
Sanguinius’ gene-seed provides his sons with qualities unique among the Adeptus Astartes. The spawn of the IX legion have proven themselves tenacious, uncannily resilient and possessed of the singular ability to recruit from almost anywhere as the Blood Angels themselves exemplify by transforming the rad-poisoned nomads of Baal Secundus into potent warriors cast in their master’s fair image.
 
Of course it is their more aberrant quirks for which the bloodline is famous; the twin flaws that have coloured their history for millennia. Most prominent of these is the Red Thirst, that primal craving for a foe’s flesh and blood which has to be held in check constantly lest its bearers tear themselves apart. The Black Rage on the other hand manifests itself only at the end of a battle-brother’s lifespan. Simultaneously the strongest tie to their Primarch and the greatest burden they possess, it forces them to experience their progenitor’s final moments in a delirium from which there is no escape. It is a wicked irony that their own flesh ensures that these space marines die as they lived; caked in gore, screaming oaths to a father that cannot hear them.
 
In the Strigoi, the Blood Angels and their ilk once again show themselves inextricably linked to their gene-coded features as they feed on the viscera of the battlefield dead. Indulging this archaic carno-ritualism likely provided the catalyst for their chapter’s own mutations, rendering the curse in their genes visible to all. Many appear strained by some unseen effort as their faces, so famously reminiscent of their Primarch’s features are marred by pallid, craggy skin. The more poetic among their censors have spoken of their ancestors’ sins writ large, whereas others see unforgivable deviancy in a chapter of malign stature.

The fell practises of the chapter are no mere attempt to still their urges, though. Cause for the excessive bloodletting is their belief that the Red Thirst is not part of their curse, but the greatest weapon bestowed upon them by the Emperor of Mankind himself. Their purpose is to turn these powers upon the alien, the daemon and the traitor with unrelenting force and prove the will needed to restrain their inner brute once the day is won. Such a path holds opportunities for glory and madness in equal fashion, but the Strigoi march on undeterred. Sanguinius’ blood boils in their veins by design, and to neglect its call is to neglect their duty.

Credo Martialis
It is a sickening truth that the practices of the chapter do not halt at the defilement of enemy remains, but going farther to dictate the consumption of their own dead. Most grotesque in this matter is that the astartes ascribe their morbid ways a twisted sense of honour. As their memories are preserved by virtue of the omophagea, the fallen are granted a measure of immortality, an eternal life more vivid than the likes of unread records or corrupted pict-feeds could provide. Only the death of the last Strigoi could end their chapter’s legacy: an ever-evolving archive of battlefield experience.

A strong focus on the martial honour of its warriors can be found in several of the chapter’s myriad traditions. This is hardly a surprise given their belligerent nature, yet easily missed as their savage get belies any sophistication. A disciplined mind and strategic brilliance are as imperative to a model battle-brother as his skill with blade and boltgun, and thus all are drilled to the highest standard. A significant part of these drills are regular duels, fought with edged weapons and overseen by their peers. These bouts serve to settle disputes and, of course, establish the participants’ skill-at-arms, but also as an outlet for the mania that perpetually gnaws at their spirits. Fatalities among the contestants are not unheard of despite the cathartic purpose of the duels, surely the consequence of injustices corrected and slights avenged.

As a space marine’s body is covered in battle scars and devotional tattoos, so does their armour bear testament to their many achievements. All Strigoi are encouraged to add to and display their personal heraldry, adorning their suits with trophies, campaign badges and kill-marks. Their ‘Respect through Renown’-type of approach even extends to potential allies, a habit that makes successful relations with the chapter notoriously difficult. The Strigoi’s ceaseless warmongering has sometimes defamed them as dull or shallow among their breed. Nothing could be further from the truth, as these sons of the Angel simply understand that their role in the Imperium is that of a bloody weapon; never the artisan, never the statesman.
 
 
ORGANISATION AND TACTICS

Addendum: Chapter Arsenal
Every war the Imperium wages is an endeavour of herculean proportions. To win an engagement, its armies need appropriate equipment and steady supply lines. Being a crusading force, the Strigoi are particularly hard-pressed to meet these requirements during their long voyages through hostile territory. As a result, the chapter’s armoury is highly compartmentalised. The chapter’s strike cruisers and battle barges all maintain a number of transport vehicles, tanks and assorted material, leaving the great vaults of the Duskhold rather empty. Many of these items are produced by the forge-wrights of Medea Prime, a Mechanicus-held world bound to the chapter through treatises now recalled by none save their venerable dreadnoughts. Only through the artifice of the Medean priesthood are the Strigoi able to field the sturdy, easily maintainable tools they desire as well as those intrinsic to the Blood Angels and their successors. Especially noteworthy in this regard is their impressive number of Land Raiders, allowing each line company to call upon the might of one of these long-lived hulks of war.

Combat Doctrine
Any conflict involving the Strigoi is an unsubtle and grisly affair. Their inherited bloodlust compels them to seek their foes out as fast as possible, rending them to pieces in the mayhem of close combat. Most often, this translates into massed infantry assaults supported by mechanised elements, making their transport vehicles a crucial component in most maneuvers - Impulsors, Razorbacks and venerable Land Raiders weathering opposing firepower before disgorging frenzied squads of Tactical Space Marines and Assault Intercessors directly into the face of the enemy are a sight most familiar to onlookers. Many line units carry additional melee armaments as a result, wielding an assortment of chainblades, wickedly edged combat knives and short-range pistols as often as boltguns and -rifles. The high speed and intensity of these operations regularly leaves their allies far behind them, a consequence that serves the chapter well enough. The Strigoi form the tip of the Imperium’s sword, striking hard and fast as dictated by the tried and tested doctrines of the Codex Astartes.
 
Deep within enemy lines, the warriors of the chapter gladly undo the mental locks keeping their Thirst in check, unleashing inhuman violence and turning their combat zones into abattoirs. Nobler men may have attempted to dispel the legends of these atrocities, denounce them as an insult to their honour or silence the detractors. The Strigoi embraced their ill repute, becoming a byword for brutal subjugation. Yet the most dreadful aspect of their work is witnessed after the killing is done, when the marines gather the bodies of the slain and the priests speak their litanies of sanctification. Only then do they indulge in the acts that earned them the reviled title of Voratores Mortem - the Eaters of the Dead.

Order of Battle
Over the course of their long and storied existence, the chapter has developed an organisational structure divergent from codex standard. Based on the guidelines presented by Primarch Guilliman, the Strigoi are divided into ten companies, each with a nominal strength of 100 space marines. Of these, eight are outfitted as battle companies, a circumstance attributed to the Strigoi’s pragmatism and insatiable hunger for war. Providing them with additional flexibility, the adjustments allow the space marines to hold multiple fronts scattered throughout the galaxy, scout- and veteran formations being distributed among them as the situation demands.
These are ideal conditions. In truth, the Strigoi are continuously undermanned as they endure the ravages of blood and battle, numbering approximately 700 full-fledged astartes. There is little to be done against this severe attrition bar upholding an aggressive recruiting policy spanning all of their tributary fiefdoms. Veriadan culture may consider conscription an honour, but from the noisome hives of Mundus Vilis to the dead grounds of Corageddon, grief meets the day when ships bearing skulls and blood drops hang in the sky.
 
The armies of Răugol are led by their chapter master, a warlord of supreme skill bearing centuries worth of experience. In him, everything a member of the chapter strives to be is united, fit to lead his kinsmen to glory in the name of the Emperor and his Angel. He is advised by his masters of the reclusiam, librarius, armoury and apothecarium respectively, forming a pentad charged with guiding the Strigoi through the Imperium’s struggle for survival. Often, when matters are at their gravest, the council is expanded with the addition of the company captains, equerries and dignitaries such as a representative of the Fraternis Ferrum, the chapter’s dreadnoughts. Together, they are the wit, the strength and the will of Sanguinius’ sons made flesh; the red-stained hand capable of wielding a weapon as vicious and as ardent as the Strigoi.

Unique Formations
Like their progenitors, the Strigoi field a number of specialist units and officers. As they are hardly known as a spiritual brotherhood, the distinction of these marines is invariably owed to their exceptional characteristics or unusual obligations. None of them operate truly outside of the command hierarchy of the chapter, though all stand - in their own ways - alone.

  • The Impalers - Assumed to be the equivalent of the Sanguinary Guard, the Impalers have devolved into an instrument of violence rather than virtue. Their members are undoubtedly the chapter’s most murderous elements brought together, armed and armoured with the finest wargear available. Impaler charges are terrifying things accompanied by frenzied howls and a thirst for blood that comes too easily to even these astartes, a trait that has caused the assault cadre to remain a source of concern despite their undeniable efficiency.
  • The Wardens - Sometimes referred to as the Sin’s Watch, these sullen figures are much akin to the chaplains of other space marine chapters. Alongside serving in their roles as war-priests, ritual guides and retainers of the Strigoi’s most precious relics, it is they who must watch their fellows for traces of madness. In this matter, they are the sole authority within the chapter, acting at their own discretion to remove the stain. A Warden must therefore be a brother of unbreakable resolve, lest the weight of his duties utterly crushes him.
  • The Death Company - The chapter’s afflicted are called the Morituri, for the sentence of all who wear the red saltires is death. Dispersed among the chapter’s strike forces, each group is overseen by a Warden intended to usher them into one last fight. With the readiness at which Strigoi officers throw these lost souls into ‘forlorn hope’-assaults, estimating their strength is nigh-impossible. Some have looked to the pits of the chapter’s fortress-monastery in search for answers, its darkness parted by the fitful cries of caged beasts...

 

 

APPEARANCE

gallery_108437_15926_145108.jpg
Brother Alek, 5th Tactical Squad, 9th Company
Heraldry
Strigoi power armour typically bears the grey of unpainted ceramite mixed with fields of white, black and gunmetal. Even with the significance of their chosen colours - or lack thereof - unknown, they reinforce the astartes’ cold, disparaging demeanour in the presence of others.
 
Conversely, the rest of their livery betrays the beast beneath. The rugged, bullish type V warplate they favour emanates the same violence the chapter has quickly become synonymous with, its characteristic molecular bonding studs having found their way onto many other suits since. All but gone are the blood drop pendants and chalices closely associated with the sons of the Great Angel, replaced by grim reminders of mortality. Flensed, hollow-eyed skulls are chained to belts, oath papers and armorials promise an unquiet death to those who would fall upon the dominions of man.
 
True to their ad-hoc nature, the Strigoi have long ago resolved to using only the most crucial markings to denote their strategic disposition. Usually borne on the right pauldron are the appropriate symbols for either veteran status, battleline-, close support- or heavy support duty while company designations are foregone completely. Squad numeration is limited to the respective sergeants’ armour, lessening the effort of merging depleted squads and serving to identify unit leaders.

Chapter Badge
The sigil of the Strigoi is known as the Vultus Monstri. Displayed here is the visage of the victorious predator, tearing its eyes from its quarry to stare down another adversary - a warning and an unspoken challenge both.
 
 
 
NOTABLE PERSONNEL

Ionel Ardelan, ‘Crimson Crow’, Master of the Strigoi
Many a chapter master of the Adeptus Astartes is a paragon of his brotherhood, displaying the key virtues of his chapter and inspiring awe and respect in those around him. Chapter Master Ardelan is no exception to this - few battle-brothers in the history of the Strigoi can match his ferocity, his skill with blade and boltgun or his callous disregard for the allies he deploys his space marines alongside. When the Crimson Crow leads the fiends of Răugol to war, nothing that blocks the path of his sledgehammer-like assaults stands for long, be they friend or foe.
Away from the front, Ardelan's personality displays the dour streak commonly found among the chapter as he buries himself in casualty reports, tactical analyses and the numbers of the Morituri, counting the days until the Strigoi's extinction and wondering whether it will come by the hand of the Imperium's enemies, or the realm they serve.
 
Piotr Rednich, ‘The Shepherd’, High Warden
It is said that of the personalities of the Strigoi's command echelon, the High Warden cuts the most sinister one of them all. Piotr Rednich is widely known for his uncompromising nature, and a reputation like that is not easily earned in a chapter made from murderers and madmen. Less prone to the boundless rage that grips the rest of his brothers, Warden Rednich's wrath is cold and focused, having found its mark among his chapter's ranks almost as often as the foe. As a member of the Reclusiam, it is his sworn duty to watch the Strigoi for possible signs of the Flaw, isolate the affected and bring them under his control. But the litanies and catechisms of focus only bring a chaplain so far, which is when Rednich's crozius maul tastes the blood of Sanguinius, bludgeoning his brothers into submission or ending their lives outright when they cannot be restrained. The practice has earned him the epithet of the 'Shepherd', referring to an ancient terran parable of a man going to considerable lengths to return one of his animals to his flock - a noble duty taken to its violent extreme.
 
Atticus Bronn, First Captain
Atticus Bronn’s promotion to captaincy of the esteemed First Company was as much a symbolic gesture as it was an acknowledgement of his talents as a warrior and a commander. As one of the first primaris marines awoken by Belisarius Cawl, Bronn fought in Primarch Guilliman’s Indomitus Crusade before being reassigned to reinforce the Strigoi alongside a small number of fellow sons of Sanguinius. It was also them who provided their new brethren with the necessary knowledge to produce more of their number, an enormous boon for the chapter’s demanding war effort. Though not all Strigoi initially accepted the ‘new breed’, resistance against their induction began to recede when Master Ardelan made his perspective on the matter clear by replacing the deceased First Captain Nemitz with Bronn.
It did not prove easy, but the primaris marines eventually came to terms with the identity of their new chapter, earning their place among the ranks of the Strigoi. The First Captain in particular became an exemplar of the chapter - ruthless, cunning and possessed of a thirst for blood that is the match of any firstborn Strigoi, Atticus Bronn continues to prove that he is deserving of the trust placed in him by his liege lord.
 
 
SELECTED BATTLE HONOURS

ca. 900.M32: The Battle of the Nemean Gulf
The Strigoi engage elements of the World Eaters in a massive void battle near Cadia Prime during the 3rd Black Crusade. Severely outnumbered, the young chapter prevails nevertheless as a boarding party led by Captain Costyne successfully breaches the enemy flagship. Sixth Company breaching teams cleave themselves through decks upon decks of maddened cultists and frenzied Khornate berserkers before they finally reach the bridge. Costyne proves unable to best the 12th legion warlord, yet still the dying captain manages to slay the command crew using a demolition charge. Without a strong leader to hold the chaos fleet together, the World Eaters’ ranks begin to fester with dissent and disarray, allowing the rest of the chapter to run them down.
 
ca. 001.M36: The Aenean Massacres
In the aftermath of the Nova Terra Interregnum, the newly unified Imperium is wracked with insurgencies caused by the collapse of the Ur-Council in Segmentum Pacificus. One such revolt is the civil war of Aenea Majoris, a hive world of extreme importance to the Departmento Munitorum on account of its production of Accatran-Pattern lasguns. Unable to quell the riots by themselves, the desperate planetary government sends a plea for assistance into the void, which is answered by the Storm Giants and the Strigoi. Though the former extend the hand of comradeship, the Strigoi, unwilling to cooperate, make planetfall upon Aenea early and begin to butcher the incensed civilians. The killing proceeds for four days, by the end of which the global population had dropped to a critical 13% of its former size. Both the planetary governor and the chapter master of the Storm Giants demand the commander of the self-appointed censure host to explain the excessive violence applied to the populace. The reply they receive is as simple as it is accurate:
“Condemn us if you must, but our work here ensures that the thought of such heresy won’t cross their minds for generations to come. We are Judgement and we are Death. No misplaced sense of mercy will keep us from our duties, and never will we let a crime go unpunished.”

ca. 906.M41: Of Snakes and Slayers
Preparing to disband after bringing the Varus Crusade to its successful conclusion, a Strigoi force at near-chapter strength is informed of the reappearance of the Arclight, a 9th legion vessel reported as lost during the closing years of the Horus Heresy. Fully intent on reclaiming the vessel for the sons of Sanguinius, the Strigoi experience a rude awakening when the seemingly dead ship is revealed as an elaborate trap set by the Alpha Legion. A merciless space battle ensues, with the coveted Victory-class battleship reaping a fearsome tally among its would-be liberators. Even so, the chapter manages to free the Arclight and destroy the last remaining traitor legionaries.
Bloodied, but unbroken, the Strigoi tend to their wounds; ninth captain Ionel Ardelan is chosen to replace their fallen chapter master. As the Arclight is given to the Adeptus Mechanicus for repairs and ritual cleansing, the Strigoi return to Veriad to replenish their worryingly low numbers, dismissing the call to join the Badab War.
 
ca. M42: The Fiends that stalk the Stars
Reinforced by newly created primaris space marines, a strike force consisting of the third and seventh harrows alongside elements from the veteran and scout formations makes haste for the Eastern Fringe. Led by Master Ardelan, the Strigoi plan to ravage the Tau expansion fleets and exterminate the myriad xenos races lingering in the outer rim of the galaxy, hindering them from exploiting the chaos in the wake of the Great Rift.


Edited by AHorriblePerson, Yesterday, 11:30 PM.

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#2
AHorriblePerson

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So, I finally got around to posting my homebrew. This is my chapter, the Strigoi!

 

The article in its current state is far from finished; posting it here made me realise that I put the focus on the wrong topics for the beginning... but characters and relics just happen to be a lot more alluring to write about on the short term than fleshing out a chapter cult, talking about the arsenal or even padding out their early history. I'll get around to it, though - either way, the information provided should be sufficient for the LASC.

 

Hope you enjoy reading this, C&C are always appreciated!

 

-Horrible



#3
Bjorn Firewalker

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Excellent work. You demonstrate good imagination throughout the IA. I especially like the Bloodied Maw as an honor marking.

It can use more polishing, e.g., adding blank lines between paragraphs, so the IA won't be an unintelligible "wall of text." (Remember, the tabs that differentiate paragraphs in a *.txt or *.doc file, are automatically omitted when it's converted into an *.html file.)

More nitpicking, with suggested corrections put between the "[" and "]" symbols:
Spoiler

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 29 October 2019 - 11:23 PM.

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Wolf Scout- Catachan barking toad eggs+ Thousand Sons Marine= Fun! (Wolves of Catachan)

Warhammer 40,000+ Star Wars- Rian Johnson- Reylo= AWESOME! (Knights of Renaissance)

Reasons to use the Steel Crusaders ('Codex: Space Marines' supplement) or the Iron-hearted Angels ('Codex: Blood Angels' supplement): Because you think giving Sternguard Veterans a heavy bolter wtih special issue HEAVY BOLTER ammunition is ALMOST as much fun as shoehorning an Earthshaker cannon into a Land Raider.

#4
Ace Debonair

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I like this Chapter. No frills, nothing fancy, just blood-hungry destroyers out to slaughter as many enemies of Humanity as they can find.

The only C&C I have to offer so far is this:
 

As descendants of Sanguinius, the Strigoi suffer from their bloodline’s twin flaws: the Red Thirst and Black Rage, though the chapter does not seem to make any effort to find a cure for their ailment. In fact, the Red Thirst in particular is seen as a weapon to be used to its fullest extent in battle, to be honed, directed and unleashed when called upon, explaining the terrifying bloodlust and cannibalistic rituals referenced in a plethora of testimonies made by witnesses of the chapter’s work.


To be an Impaler means to be both greater and lesser than the rest of the Strigoi. Their members are without a doubt the most gifted slayers of the chapter, their kill-tallies and thirst for blood without equal. It is this last fact that sheds unwelcome light on them however, as many of them stand accused of surrendering themselves to the Red Thirst. How much truth clings to these accusations may very well depend on the individual, though that means little to the chaplaincy. The chapter’s soul wardens keep a close eye on the Impalers and have not refrained from putting the headsman’s axe to their necks in the past.


If the Red Thirst is a weapon to be used to it's fullest extent, why does the Chapter look down on those who embrace it?

 

Furthermore, if their best warriors are embracing the Red Thirst, why would the whole Chapter not follow suit?

 

 

That minor nitpick aside, this is a very fine Chapter and a worthy addition to the LASC. Top stuff!


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AHorriblePerson

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Excellent work. You demonstrate good imagination throughout the IA. I especially like the Bloodied Maw as an honor marking.

It can use more polishing, e.g., addimg blank lines between paragraphs, so the IA won't be an unintelligible "wall of text." (Remember, the tabs that differentiate paragraphs in a *.txt or *.doc file, are automatically omitted when it's converted into an *.html file.)

More nitpicking, with suggested corrections put between the "[" and "]" symbols:

Spoiler

Thanks a lot, I'll get to reformatting the text once I'm at home!


I like this Chapter. No frills, nothing fancy, just blood-hungry destroyers out to slaughter as many enemies of Humanity as they can find.

The only C&C I have to offer so far is this:

As descendants of Sanguinius, the Strigoi suffer from their bloodline’s twin flaws: the Red Thirst and Black Rage, though the chapter does not seem to make any effort to find a cure for their ailment. In fact, the Red Thirst in particular is seen as a weapon to be used to its fullest extent in battle, to be honed, directed and unleashed when called upon, explaining the terrifying bloodlust and cannibalistic rituals referenced in a plethora of testimonies made by witnesses of the chapter’s work.

To be an Impaler means to be both greater and lesser than the rest of the Strigoi. Their members are without a doubt the most gifted slayers of the chapter, their kill-tallies and thirst for blood without equal. It is this last fact that sheds unwelcome light on them however, as many of them stand accused of surrendering themselves to the Red Thirst. How much truth clings to these accusations may very well depend on the individual, though that means little to the chaplaincy. The chapter’s soul wardens keep a close eye on the Impalers and have not refrained from putting the headsman’s axe to their necks in the past.

If the Red Thirst is a weapon to be used to it's fullest extent, why does the Chapter look down on those who embrace it?

Furthermore, if their best warriors are embracing the Red Thirst, why would the whole Chapter not follow suit?


That minor nitpick aside, this is a very fine Chapter and a worthy addition to the LASC. Top stuff!
First of all, thanks for the kind words! Let me clear the thing about the Red Thirst up for you, I think you either misunderstood something or my writing is just really murky.

The way the Strigoi look at the Red Thirst in comparison to the Blood Angels is as an extremely useful tool rather than a true flaw, though both chapters seek to gain a measure of control over it. The Strigoi don't see any reason to hide their savagery behind a cultivated nobility like their parent chapter. Generally, the Impaler Squads are some of the chapter's space marines that seem to have mastered this "philosophy". Some among their ranks have taken it a bit further, though.

Here is where the difference between embracing and surrendering comes in.

If you happen to have read Devastation of Baal, you will be familiar with the Knights of Blood and the occupants of the Tower of Amareo, those space marines who have given in to the urges of the Red Thirst, forfeiting control over themselves to it - so much so that it manifested physically. That's the path a number of the Impalers are on, and the reason why the rest of the chapter - the chaplains especially - are wary of them. The Strigoi walk a dangerous path with the Red Thirst, and not everyone of them takes the same risks.

I hope that makes more sense, feel free to get back to me if you think it still doesn't add up.

Edited by AHorriblePerson, 29 October 2019 - 11:47 AM.

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#6
Bjorn Firewalker

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The way the Strigoi look at the Red Thirst in comparison to the Blood Angels is as an extremely useful tool rather than a true flaw, though both chapters seek to gain a measure of control over it. The Strigoi don't see any reason to hide their savagery behind a cultivated nobility like their parent chapter. Generally, the Impaler Squads are some of the chapter's space marines that seem to have mastered this "philosophy". Some among their ranks have taken it a bit further, though.

Here is where the difference between embracing and surrendering comes in.

If you happen to have read Devastation of Baal, you will be familiar with the Knights of Blood and the occupants of the Tower of Amareo, those space marines who have given in to the urges of the Red Thirst, forfeiting control over themselves to it - so much so that it manifested physically. That's the path a number of the Impalers are on, and the reason why the rest of the chapter - the chaplains especially - are wary of them. The Strigoi walk a dangerous path with the Red Thirst, and not everyone of them takes the same risks.

I hope that makes more sense, feel free to get back to me if you think it still doesn't add up.

This is well-reasoned. I wonder how the Strigoi would get along with my Iron-hearted Angels?

By the way, as the Strigoi behave similarly to the Night Lords, does the Chapter have any bitter rivalries with the Night Haunter's sons, e.g., the Night Lords once raided Veriad for slaves, which made the Strigoi Chapter Master ordered an entire Company to devote itself to annihilating the warband responsible, which made a Night Lords Captain attempt to breach the Duskhold and reclaim a relic weapon the Strigoi took as a trophy, etc.?

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 29 October 2019 - 03:15 PM.

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#7
AHorriblePerson

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Having them have a vendetta against the Night Lords seems like the obvious way to go, doesn't it? I do want to write about a battle for Veriad sometime, but I'm not sure wether they'll be fighting Night Lords, or even Chaos Space Marines. I was thinking about Dark Eldar. We'll see once I get there, I suppose.



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Bjorn Firewalker

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I apologize for the thread necromancy, but it took me time to articulate a proper reply.

Though the image of the Hold has been interpreted in countless different ways by the world’s inhabitants, yet all of them share a single constant, for the sight of the Duskhold is always associated with deep feelings of dread, loss and, most of all, hatred.

If the Duskhold and its inhabitants fail to inspire any positive feelings in the Veriadans, then they are practically begging for any two-bit Chaos cultist to bring the Strigoi's own Chapter planet under his thrall, by promising the Veriadans a "better life." (How did the cultist get past the black holes to reach the planet? Never underestimate the powers the Chaos Gods will grant those pawns they find most useful. How did the cultist bamboozle the Veriadans? A desperate person will believe anything, try anything, to get out of a bad situation- and you described the Veriadans' as very bad.)

There should be a comprehensive propaganda campaign to remind the Veriadans how they benefit as the Strigoi's subjects- maybe a campaign the Chapter serfs conduct, after the Strigoi return them to the Veriad to serve as mayors, sheriffs, priests, and other authority figures, allowing the Astartes to maintain their control over the planet.

Note that the Veriadans do not give up their young willingly - the natives despise the chapter for leaving them to fight the horrors of their world alone.

How about the Chapter requiring all able-bodied young men to accompany them on "pilgrimages" to the Duskhold? Those who cannot join the Astartes on this pilgrimage, are sterilized. (The latter is a selective breeding measure.)

While they're at the Duskhold, the Strigoi trains these young men in the ways of war. The best among the "pilgrims" will receive gene-seed, becoming Strigoi themselves; the second-best will become serfs; the remainder will be lobotomized and made into servitors.

The serfs will accompany the Strigoi on at least one campaign, so they may learn what horrors threatens their world from beyond the stars, and why they need the Astartes' protection; those that survive are returned to Veriad, to rule the planet on the Strigoi's behalf, teach native Veriadans how to defend themselves in support of the ideal of self-sufficiency, and conduct the propaganda campaign I proposed.

These foreign souls tend to be a cause for tension among the aspirants, who sometimes go as far as killing one another rather than learning to forge bonds of brotherhood. Such individuals are damned from the beginning - fraternity is essential to the space marines, and those who fail to live by this truth have no place amongst the Strigoi.

It's wasteful to allow the recruits to kill each other. Better to use a more extensive hypnotherapy program to force the recruits to view each other as brothers. Naturally, the program dehumanizes the Strigoi, making them seem far more monstrous than those under the Blood Angels' hypnotherapy program.

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 16 November 2019 - 12:43 PM.

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#9
AHorriblePerson

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Definetely some interesting ideas, but I have a few issues with some of them:
 

 

If the Duskhold and its inhabitants fail to inspire any positive feelings in the Veriadans, then they are practically begging for any two-bit Chaos cultist to bring the Strigoi's own Chapter planet under his thrall, by promising the Veriadans a "better life." (How did the cultist get past the black holes to reach the planet? Never underestimate the powers the Chaos Gods will grant those pawns they find most useful. How did the cultist bamboozle the Veriadans? A desperate person will believe anything, try anything, to get out of a bad situation- and you described the Veriadans' as very bad.)


There should be a comprehensive propaganda campaign to remind the Veriadans how they benefit as the Strigoi's subjects- maybe a campaign the Chapter serfs conduct, after the Strigoi return them to the Veriad to serve as mayors, sheriffs, priests, and other authority figures, allowing the Astartes to maintain their control over the planet.

 

The chaos cultist idea is an interesting point, though I'd imagine that the chapter likes to keep their base of operations isolated and largely forbids foreign ships to approach the planet and its moon. Maybe the world should be declared perditas to outsiders. That said, I like that thought! As I mentioned, a conflict on or about Veriad would be cool to write about.

 

Regarding the propaganda campaigns, I think you've got the wrong idea about Veriad. A good way to look at them is like Cretacia or Fenris. Veriad is supposed to be just as deadly, with civilisation being limited to small settlements a few hundred people large at best. Whatever these settlements are made of, they're barely enough to keep the creatures indigenous (and "less" indigenous) to the world at bay, and so people die every day. I don't believe there's any need to take measures to keep Veriad compliant in lieu of the Strigoi's recruitment - the population simply endures this because their immediate concerns are elsewhere. What could mere mortals even achieve when demigods decide to take their young ones? Besides, the chapter is really not the type to spread propaganda among the mortals. They like Veriad the way it is, and have no intent to change it.

 

 

How about the Chapter requiring all able-bodied young men to accompany them on "pilgrimages" to the Duskhold? Those who cannot join the Astartes on this pilgrimage, are sterilized. (The latter is a selective breeding measure.)


While they're at the Duskhold, the Strigoi trains these young men in the ways of war. The best among the "pilgrims" will receive gene-seed, becoming Strigoi themselves; the second-best will become serfs; the remainder will be lobotomized and made into servitors.

The serfs will accompany the Strigoi on at least one campaign, so they may learn what horrors threatens their world from beyond the stars, and why they need the Astartes' protection; those that survive are returned to Veriad, to rule the planet on the Strigoi's behalf, teach native Veriadans how to defend themselves in support of the ideal of self-sufficiency, and conduct the propaganda campaign I proposed.

 

 

I don't like the concept of them conducting selective breeding. The population of Veriad is likely scarce as it is; the dangers of their homeworld forge worthy enough aspirants. My idea is that the chosen few are little more than slaves given an opportunity to achieve greatness. That they recieve training at the duskhold is quite obvious, and I had the same system in mind when it comes to their processing.

 

Again, the Strigoi don't concern themselves too much with mortals, in this case teaching them about the bigger picture. My belief is that after their aspirants recieve basic training, the best among them are elevated and join the tenth company.

 

 

It's wasteful to allow the recruits to kill each other. Better to use a more extensive hypnotherapy program to force the recruits to view each other as brothers. Naturally, the program dehumanizes the Strigoi, making them seem far more monstrous than those under the Blood Angels' hypnotherapy program.

 

I think you're right here. I thought it'd be a good idea to let brotherhood come naturally as part of the aspirants' development, but more involved hynpo-indoctrination would likely be the smarter way to play it. I'll keep it in mind once I start making the first big revisions.



#10
Bjorn Firewalker

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I don't like the concept of them conducting selective breeding.

The impression I get from your writing, is the Strigoi view the Veriadans as a resource to exploit, not as people they should protect in order to win the latter's trust. Viewing the Veriadans as beasts of burden to use and abuse- and to selectively breed, as necessary- is the next step.

Naturally, the "chosen ones" get harems, to maintain Veriad's population numbers. The women will be trained to defend themselves from Veriad's native horrors.

The population of Veriad is likely scarce as it is; the dangers of their homeworld forge worthy enough aspirants. My idea is that the chosen few are little more than slaves given an opportunity to achieve greatness.

Fair enough.
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The impression I get from your writing, is the Strigoi view the Veriadans as a resource to exploit, not as people they should protect in order to win the latter's trust. Viewing the Veriadans as beasts of burden to use and abuse- and to selectively breed, as necessary- is the next step.

Naturally, the "chosen ones" get harems, to maintain Veriad's population numbers. The women will be trained to defend themselves from Veriad's native horrors.

 

While I can follow your train of thought, I'm not a fan of the concept. With Veriad's population being low already, selectively breeding them seems like a wasteful and ultimately unnecessary procedure to me that'd ultimately result in less potential canidates. Besides, the ones accepted by the Strigoi won't have time to maintain their homeworld's population. Their lives are now utterly dedicated to serving the chapter in ways that are ultimately more fruitful. Keep in mind that the chapter recruits from worlds other than Veriad aswell; they have no need to create "perfect" aspirants when they have virtually infinite recruits to choose from.



#12
Brother Lunkhead

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Hail Brother Horrible,

 

Congratulations on the creation of a most excellent IA. The Strigoi are going to be a chapter both great and...… horriblethumbsup.gif

 

I've looked at your IA in detail and have a few observations and questions. I hope you find them helpful.

 

First, the name.... Strigoi is an excellent choice. It evokes dread and ancient memory of old earth vampiric myth. I like that a lot.

A Fortress between the Stars

Known as the Duskhold, the chapter’s home is found on Bastyr, their world’s sole moon. The louring structure is in fact visible from Veriad’s surface, which has made it the subject of veriadan folklore amongst hundreds of villages. Though the image of the Hold has been interpreted in countless different ways by the world’s inhabitants, yet all of them share a single constant, for the sight of the Duskhold is always associated with deep feelings of dread, loss and, most of all, hatred.

"The louring structure"...… I think you mean "towering".

 

You say the sight of the Duskhold elicits mostly feelings of hate among the folk of Veriad. That's very strong and mostly very dangerous. Those who feel hate will eventually throw off their fear and dread and embrace rebellion. What draws out this hate? From what you have written so far I see the Strigoi more as feared protectors among these primitive people. Unless the Strigoi savagely prey on these people, fear and dread wonder would more likely be their strongest feelings towards these Astartes.

 

The Duskhold, a great name and the description really does evoke fear and dread wonder.

 

In fact, the Red Thirst in particular is seen as a great weapon to be honed, directed and unleashed when called upon, explaining the terrifying bloodlust and cannibalistic rituals referenced in a plethora of testimonies made by witnesses of the chapter’s work.

I'll be very interested to see how you play this out.

 

Just as with their tactics, the chapter clings rather closely to the Codex bar a few notable exceptions regarding their organization.

From your descriptions, it looks like there are more exceptions to the Codex than similarities.

 

You've laid a very solid foundation for your Chapter. Much of what you've written begs for further explanation. However, I hope you'll withhold some to maintain the air of mystery. But as you withhold some answers to the many questions people will have, make sure you know the answers. It's fine and actually good to hold back some of your story, but make sure you know it in detail to prevent inconsistencies in the tale. I hope this has been of some small use to you.


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#13
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Hi!

First of all, thanks for taking the time to read the entire article. I know going through paragraphs upon paragraphs of text can be exhausting, so I appreciate everyone who makes it to the end.
 
Secondly, thanks for the kind words! I had to think long and hard about how to make them sound exactly like I want them to be: Grim, distant figures in grey that turn into a wrathful, ravenous tide of violence as soon as they enter combat. Glad to see that came through!
 
Lastly, your observations. You've pointed out quite a few important things, and I'll do my best to adress them all. Like my use of the word "louring"... I actually wrote that word down deliberately, buuut I see that the context doesn't support it being there. Oops - gonna fix that as fast as possible. happy.png
 
On to what I think is the main issue: The relation between the veriadans and the Strigoi.
Let's start with a bit of out-of-universe context. At the end of last year, I got my hands on the limited edtion of ADB's Spear of the Emperor (Copy #267 - so glad I bought that thing! biggrin.png) and have re-read the book every couple of months since. As the novel explored the Emperor's Spears, one thing I kept being intrigued by is how the inhabitants of their homeworld Nemeton see the space marines with sorrow. They see them as condemned.
 
What follows is a short excerpt from the Index Astartes booklet that came as part of the LE:

Spoiler

 

Pretty cool, right? I decided that I want a similar kind of relationship for the Strigoi - similar, but different.

 

In my head, the veriadans live in settlements a few hundred people strong. Every night, they fend off attacks from monstrosities they can barely make out in the dark - they do this with swords and axes, clubs and bows, primitive weapons that take great skill to master. Somehow, the veriadans always make it to the next morning. And always, their communities grow smaller. The beasts of the forests have claimed yet more victims, and the struggle for survival becomes ever greater.

And then, every few years, the grey-clad brutes appear. They descend from the skies in loud, roaring carriages, and they round up their young. They examine them closely, and then they sort them out. They take five or six, sometimes a dozen. Sometimes even more. They rally them together, and then they herd them into the bellies of their sky-wagons. And then they leave, unharmed, unbothered.

Why?

The veriadans witness the Strigoi. They see their weapons, their armour. Their vehicles. They can see that they are so much more capable than the best of them. Then, they hear their voices. See their faces. They look them in the eye, and they see the same ferocity the monsters in the woods possess; monsters they can barely protect themselves against as it stands.  The Veriadans came to the conclusion that to resist the Strigoi would mean certain death, and so they simply stand idly by as their young boys are shipped off to Bastyr, to become the next generation of their oppressors. After all, what is better: To invite certain death or to have a small chance at survival?

The people of Veriad have made their choice long ago.

 

I hope that makes sense, and that it's just my insufficient writing that seems to throw people off the concept I have in mind for the Strigoi through Veriadan eyes - child-stealing monsters, impossible to best, unwise to resist. If not, I'll have to think of something else.

 

An expanded chapter history and revised sections about homeworld and recruitment are definetely what's next on the table now, after that I'd better get into stuff like their rituals and such. I'll also briefly reformulate their adherence to the codex now until I expand on their organisation. As it stands right now, the chapter is still very much a WIP.

 

So, again, thanks for taking your time to read and comment on my homebrew. I hope my... err... rambling clears things up a little, or at least opens up new points of discussion. I want to keep this thread both alive and interesting! smile.png

 

-Horrible



#14
Brother Lunkhead

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Greetings Brother,

 

I'm going to do a 180 degree turn on your use of "louring"dry.png unsure.png…… aaand I'm going to say it actually works based on your description of the Duskhold. I mulled over it again, and I think it's just a word you don't hear or see very often anymore, so it just sounded odd in my head..... but I'm over that now. So, I say use ityes.gif

 

I finally got around to reading A D-B's Spear of the Emperor a few moths ago, and boy am I glad I did. Great insight into the grim life in Imperium Nihils. I too found the relationship between the people of Nemeton and the Emperor's Spears very interesting. Which brings me to the only real problem I see with your chapter, the relationship between the Strigoi and the Veriadans.

 

In my head, the veriadans live in settlements a few hundred people strong. Every night, they fend off attacks from monstrosities they can barely make out in the dark - they do this with swords and axes, clubs and bows, primitive weapons that take great skill to master. Somehow, the veriadans always make it to the next morning. And always, their communities grow smaller. The beasts of the forests have claimed yet more victims, and the struggle for survival becomes ever greater.

 

The veriadans witness the Strigoi. They see their weapons, their armour. Their vehicles. They can see that they are so much more capable than the best of them. Then, they hear their voices. See their faces. They look them in the eye, and they see the same ferocity the monsters in the woods possess; monsters they can barely protect themselves against as it stands.  The Veriadans came to the conclusion that to resist the Strigoi would mean certain death, and so they simply stand idly by as their young boys are shipped off to Bastyr, to become the next generation of their oppressors. After all, what is better: To invite certain death or to have a small chance at survival?

The people of Veriad have made their choice long ago.

 

I see what you are going for, but based on these two paragraphs the Veriadans don't seem like Astartes material. The look to me to be a people headed for extinction. Bear with me as I try to explain.

 

In the first paragraph, you describe a people living in small communities beset by monsters. Unrelenting attack, night after night, after night. The Veriadans barely survive and their population gets smaller and smaller. How long has this been going on? In the second paragraph the Strigoi come out of nowhere and steal their boys. Sure they are powerful and terrible, but do they just acquiesce without a fight or at least a few sharp words. It doesn't seem like these people have anything going for them but a base desire to live to see another day..... that's a recipe for death. They can't last.

 

On the many deathworlds of the 40kverse the people that the Astartes recruit from somehow make things work for them. They survive and thrive. Caliban had the knightly orders, Medusa has it's mobile clans, and Fenris has it's sea raiding clans. Plus, even though they don't have close relations with their respective Space Marine Chapters, they respect and are in awe of them. Even the clans of Nemeton have grudging respect for the Emperor's Spears.

 

Just an idea off the top of my head..... 

 

At sometime in Veriad's distant past, the Strigoi come down from the sky in great birds of metal and fire. Without explanation of who they are or what they might want in return, they go from village to village, build proper defenses, train the people to properly defend themselves and show them how to make weapons to not only survive, but to thrive. While doing this, they defend these communities until they can "properly" defend themselves. Then, as quickly as they came, these monstrous warrior giants from the stars leave. The next time they come, is to take their tithe in boys. Once again no negotiation, no explanation, they just take. They fear and dread, these vampiric looking knights from the sky, but they remember that sometime in the distant past they saved them.

 

I'm not suggesting that you should do this. It's just an idea.

 

Like I said, this is the only problem I see with your lore. All else looks really good to me. The rest of your lore just needs to be fleshed out. I hope that was helpful.


Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 21 November 2019 - 02:22 AM.

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#15
AHorriblePerson

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Hmm... I think I see the problem. I suppose the veriadans do come off as kinda helpless; perhaps I jumped the gun on certain aspects of their homeworld and their relation to the Strigoi.

It's not like they don't respect them, but they resent the fact that they simply take their young in exchange for effectively nothing. It's a theme I really want to keep - child-stealing, monstrous knights instead of "simply" awe-inspiring, mysterious sky-warriors. I realise that it's a tough nut to crack, though, so I'll take some time this weekend and make a few major changes to the information on the chapter's homeworld and recruitment. Maybe I can make the concept work without the veriadans sounding like they're entirely subjugated by the chapter...



#16
Brother Lunkhead

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I definitely think the resentment theme is a good one and a keeper. I think you just need to work on the narrative to make them look less like sheep.

 

Ideas:

  • Strigoi helped them long ago with the night beasts..... but that was long ago.
  • Strigoi saved them from an Ork/Eldar/Dark Eldar/Tau/Chaos invasion..... but that was long ago
  • You helped us ONCE, and we're grateful...... but that was long ago, and all you do now is take take take...…SHEESHverymad.gif unsure.png eek.gif

There's definitely no problem with your description of the Strigoi…… they are great monsterous child stealing warriors from the sky.... and horrible to behold...... all much like yourselfmsn-wink.gif biggrin.png 


Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 21 November 2019 - 07:00 PM.

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#17
Bjorn Firewalker

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In my head, the veriadans live in settlements a few hundred people strong. Every night, they fend off attacks from monstrosities they can barely make out in the dark - they do this with swords and axes, clubs and bows, primitive weapons that take great skill to master. Somehow, the veriadans always make it to the next morning. And always, their communities grow smaller. The beasts of the forests have claimed yet more victims, and the struggle for survival becomes ever greater.
And then, every few years, the grey-clad brutes appear. They descend from the skies in loud, roaring carriages, and they round up their young. They examine them closely, and then they sort them out. They take five or six, sometimes a dozen. Sometimes even more. They rally them together, and then they herd them into the bellies of their sky-wagons. And then they leave, unharmed, unbothered.

As Brother Lunkhead noted, it seems the Veriadans are becoming extinct. As their numbers dwindle, they will either become increasingly resigned to death- becoming sheep-like as their depression makes the very idea of "resistance" seem futile, and thus, unworthy of recruitment into any Chapter- or increasingly desperate, to the point they will attack the Strigoi for stealing away their children, i.e., the Veriadans' very future.

Hence my suggestion the Strigoi reintegrate Chapter serfs into Veriad as leaders, to maintain the Marines' control over their own Chapter planet. If you do NOT accept my suggestion, then you should revise the IA and write the Veriadans' situation as considerably less dire, or your readers' ability to suspend disbelief will be broken. (Regarding Fenris and other death worlds serving as Chapter planets: William King and his competent peers have never described the death worlds' human inhabitants as being threatened with extinction, i.e., the death world can spare those youths recruited into the Chapters.)
Wolf Scout- Catachan barking toad eggs+ Thousand Sons Marine= Fun! (Wolves of Catachan)

Warhammer 40,000+ Star Wars- Rian Johnson- Reylo= AWESOME! (Knights of Renaissance)

Reasons to use the Steel Crusaders ('Codex: Space Marines' supplement) or the Iron-hearted Angels ('Codex: Blood Angels' supplement): Because you think giving Sternguard Veterans a heavy bolter wtih special issue HEAVY BOLTER ammunition is ALMOST as much fun as shoehorning an Earthshaker cannon into a Land Raider.

#18
Brother Lunkhead

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Hence my suggestion the Strigoi reintegrate Chapter serfs into Veriad as leaders, to maintain the Marines' control over their own Chapter planet. If you do NOT accept my suggestion, then you should revise the IA and write the Veriadans' situation as considerably less dire, or your readers' ability to suspend disbelief will be broken. (Regarding Fenris and other death worlds serving as Chapter planets: William King and his competent peers have never described the death worlds' human inhabitants as being threatened with extinction, i.e., the death world can spare those youths recruited into the Chapters.)

 

 

Although you've come up with a fine idea, I don't think Brother Horrible NEEDS to take anyone's suggestion to solve this little conundrumno.gif I'm sure with time and a little space, our fellow Liberite will come up with something to settle this issue. Perhaps it will be a solution none of us thought ofhappy.png

 

So, Brother Horrible, take your time and mull this one over. I'm looking forward to seeing what you have for usyes.gif


Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 23 November 2019 - 03:29 AM.

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#19
AHorriblePerson

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...And we're back! I wanted to get this done sooner, but real life's been real busy.
 
Apart from several minor changes concerning phrasing, I've added and/or supplemented text passages in the Heriage, Homeworld and Recruitment sections. I'll explain them briefly:
 

Hidden Content


I rewrote this bit to make it a bit more thorough. At the same time, I thought it'd be cool to muddy history of the Strigoi up a bit, make it less clear-cut. People who are familiar with a few of the Forge World sourcebooks might even discover some new information on their origins! Don't tell the others, though. msn-wink.gif

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Again, I fleshed this part out. This and the recruitment section were the two problem childs the other week; what I tried here is making the veriadans sound more like the staunch warriors I intended them to be instead of the human dregs then apparently came across as. I also alluded to past battles inside of the system, which I thought were a good idea by Bjorn.

Hidden Content


Lastly, Recruitment, the other point of contention. Brother Lunkhead gave me the idea to have the veriadans catch a glimpse of the "bigger picture" without them and the Strigoi becoming the best of friends. I think this is far more agreeable and still makes the chapter seem like a bunch of censored.gif s, which, let's be honest, they totally are.
 
Well, I'm excited for the feedback. Over to you!
 
-Horrible


Edited by AHorriblePerson, 03 December 2019 - 04:54 PM.

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#20
Brother Lunkhead

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Nice work on your updates Brother Horriblethumbsup.gif I'm off for the next couple of days and hope to delve more deeply into them and give you some comments. However, from the hasty readthrough I did I really like what I saw. 

 

Rather than double post I'll just update this one......

 

Just finished a more detailed readthrough...... aaannnd it still looks greatthumbsup.gif sweat.gif

 

I've generally enjoyed your narrative style, and the fact that you keep a lot of details intentionally vague.... but there are a few areas that I think need further extrapolation......

 

such as:

 

 

The Bloodied Maw
Of the various battle honours of the Adeptus Astartes, few are as central to the Strigoi's own chapter cult than the Mark of the Bloodied Maw. Applied in red around the vox grill of the armour in individual fashion, the Maw denotes the wearer as having fully embraced the bloody-handed nature of the chapter and an admirable combatant. It is ultimately essential for ascendance through the chapter ranks, as no battle-brother without the mark has ever been admitted to wear terminator armour or membership in one of the First Company's Impaler Squads.

 

How does a Battle Brother win this most valued honor? ".....fully embrace the bloody-handed nature of the chapter and an admirable combatant" is a bit too vague.

 

or this:

 

In fact, the Red Thirst in particular is seen as a great weapon to be honed, directed and unleashed when called upon, explaining the terrifying bloodlust and cannibalistic rituals referenced in a plethora of testimonies made by witnesses of the chapter’s work.
For all their dismissiveness towards their gene-curse, the Morituri - the common term for the Strigoi’s Death Company - do not reach the dangerously high numbers of chapters like the Flesh Tearers or Exsanguinators. Speculations made by various imperial scholars over the millennia reach from the use of the chapter’s sarcophagi to other, far darker practices that would warrant an Edict of Obliteration.

 

Very intriguing, but if there is witness testimony, let's see an exampleermm.gif yes.gif I don't think you need to go overboard and explain everything, just an example or two of the "rumors". Are they as bad as the Angels Vermillioneek.gif..... I hope sobiggrin.png (shame they don't put fangs on these emojis).

 

and maybe this too:

 

Fright and Ferocity

"........to their choice of weapons..... "

 

What kinds of weapons?...….. perhaps something more appropriate to the Night Lords or the World Eaters and not an honorable Astartes loyalist chapter.

 

I certainly don't consider what I've highlighted as real problems, but you might consider fleshing them out a bit more.

 

I think that this is one amazing chapter, and you've put your own unique brand of Horrible in it. Good work Brother.


Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 04 December 2019 - 08:37 PM.

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#21
AHorriblePerson

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You're absolutely right, the parts you adressed could definetely use some extra attention. Some concepts and ideas for the chapter cult (and by extension the Maw) already exist, but I'm gonna have to take some time to figure out something worth writing down properly. I think I'll get to that sometime next year, as the rest of the month is reserved for spending time with friends and painting some models happy.png. If the previous issues are resolved, that's good enough for now.

 

I've got more plans for the Strigoi, though. When the time comes, I wanna do stuff like expanding the character sections to a degree similar to a codex character entry, getting a proper art slate done (maybe several) and finishing the heraldry section - I feel like the visual aesthetic of the Strigoi isn't pointed out clearly. When I'm happy with their lore, I'll format it properly and write a PDF in the style of the Black Books from FW.

 

That said, thanks for the feedback! Apart from more tweaks to the phrasing, it's back to the drawing board (or rather, back to the painting table).


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#22
AHorriblePerson

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I'm finally working on the Strigoi again! Aside from more changes in phrasing and getting rid of 'Harrows' as a name for their companies, the big updates concern the "Organisation and Tactics"-section. They're obviously in the master post, but I'll also include them here for convenience:
 
Hidden Content

 
These two blurbs are pretty straightforward, but I tried to go for more of a 'show, don't tell'-approach with the first one as suggested by Brother Lunkhead last year. Up next are updates to the 'Appearance'-section (both of the written and the visual variety) and then I'll decide on whether I want to finally flesh out their chapter cult or revisit Veriad and their recruitment methods for a second time.
 
As always, feedback and constructive criticism are appreciated!
 
-Horrible

Edited by AHorriblePerson, 08 March 2020 - 11:01 PM.

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#23
Bjorn Firewalker

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The additional details are welcome.
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Wolf Scout- Catachan barking toad eggs+ Thousand Sons Marine= Fun! (Wolves of Catachan)

Warhammer 40,000+ Star Wars- Rian Johnson- Reylo= AWESOME! (Knights of Renaissance)

Reasons to use the Steel Crusaders ('Codex: Space Marines' supplement) or the Iron-hearted Angels ('Codex: Blood Angels' supplement): Because you think giving Sternguard Veterans a heavy bolter wtih special issue HEAVY BOLTER ammunition is ALMOST as much fun as shoehorning an Earthshaker cannon into a Land Raider.

#24
Brother Cambrius

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A fine addition to their character, especially with the horrors of their appetite for the fallen corpses of their enemy. Do the Reivers tend to form their skull masks into open maws or fanged varieties to add further to their aspect of causing fear whilst brutally assaulting? Might push them a little too close to Night Lords territory, but if balanced could work with the Blood Angels' afflictions.

 

Cambrius


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#25
Bjorn Firewalker

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A fine addition to their character, especially with the horrors of their appetite for the fallen corpses of their enemy.

The fact the Omophagea is one of the gene-seed implants a Marine receives, easily justifies such actions as efforts to gather intelligence, as well as spread terror among enemy and ally alike (in the latter case, convince Imperial allies it's a VERY BAD IDEA to switch sides).

Do the Reivers tend to form their skull masks into open maws or fanged varieties to add further to their aspect of causing fear whilst brutally assaulting?

This is a good idea for the Sanguinary Guards' death masks, providing room for psychic amplifiers with which to generate a terrifying aura. I joked that Yosef Hausakluif's Chaplain installed a meltagun in his skull helm's open jaws.
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Wolf Scout- Catachan barking toad eggs+ Thousand Sons Marine= Fun! (Wolves of Catachan)

Warhammer 40,000+ Star Wars- Rian Johnson- Reylo= AWESOME! (Knights of Renaissance)

Reasons to use the Steel Crusaders ('Codex: Space Marines' supplement) or the Iron-hearted Angels ('Codex: Blood Angels' supplement): Because you think giving Sternguard Veterans a heavy bolter wtih special issue HEAVY BOLTER ammunition is ALMOST as much fun as shoehorning an Earthshaker cannon into a Land Raider.





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