Good start on your Homeworld background You have a nice narrative style that's easy to follow. I do have just a few questions and observations.
Are you still going with the Mars-sized world idea and if so have you decided on how to handle the whole mass, gravity, atmosphere challenge?
The world was originally colonised during humanities golden age, chosen for it's location away from the galactic trade routes and a lack of extensive natural resources made it a prime location for a set of gene-labs not unlike the Emperors own facilities on Terra. Extreme experimentation on local and imported fauna was undertaken for reasons now lost to time. When humanities fall came, Vvardenfel's labs were overrun and it's experiments escaped into the wild, adding to the chaos. Only desperate holding actions by the worlds last defenders prevented total genocide.
I like this. It has just enough information to explain the presence of the predators touched with a little mystery. I think this is done just right. No need for further explanation.
Technology has not disappeared completely on Jardenfel, but has been severely stunted as the millennia passed.......Household artisans can still make what would be common items in the wider imperium, yet are considered almost priceless and heirloom items.
What kind of technology has survived and how is it supported and protected? What sorts of items are household artisans producing that are now considered "priceless and heirloom items"?
Eventually it became tradition for once every decade for a great hunt to be undertaken to cull the worst of the beasts. The tribes and clans would lay down their arms against each other and pursue the beasts that threaten their homes. The youths of the world are expected to defend their homes while the warriors are gone.
I like this a lot too. In this case also, a few words say a lot. The predators present enough of an existential threat that all are willing to put aside all grievances (not an easy thing to do) to deal with it in a traditional hunt of epic proportion. Does the hunt have a name? Are the youth trained in arms at home or is there some kind of scholum?
Grammatical nitpickery: .....colonised during humanities golden age…….When humanities fall came
I think you mean "colonized" and "humanity's"
Good stuff Brother. I'm looking forward to reading more.
Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 08 December 2019 - 07:47 PM.