Coming along very nicely Brother Ace I've got just a couple of observations if I may.....
I'm considering the name Abyss Wardens for the Chapter. My reasoning being: the name can refer to the XI Legion's time spent in exile, and also their constant watch for incursions by the now-distant aliens that slew their Primarch.
As a bonus, it sounds like a Chapter that stoically watches and combats the forces of Heresy in the warp-storm-saturated Glastheim Rifts.
I mean, of course, that is also true of the Chapter, but the primary reasons for the name will remain tied to their own secret heritage.
This looks good. However, imho "Abyssal Wardens" sounds more natural than "Abyss Wardens". Of course a number of chapters use two nouns in their title and it works fine... Space Wolves. I just think the adjective "Abyssal" works better with "Wardens" whereas "Spacial Wolves" ..... not so much. Or.... it could just be me
* Last survivors of the XI Legion are eaten by a freak Warp Storm on the galaxy's edge, en route to Terra with the body of their slain Primarch. Roughly 250~300 marines.
* Said survivors are spat out near the Glastheim Rifts, millennia later.
* They attempt contact with an Imperial world, which turns out to be a backwater agri-world with a respectable, devout population, and manage to attain some basic information (namely the approximate date and the fact The Emperor is now The God-Emperor, Blessed-He-Who-Is-Entombed-On-Holy-Terra to most people in the Imperium)
* Trying not to freak out, they look for signs of another Legion, and find a Chapter called the [Placeholders] of Ramosha, an Imperial Fists successor from the recent 10th Founding.
* The [Placeholders] and their brother Chapter, the Daggers of Drakon, are battle-worn and battered by heretic and alien attacks. When the Oceanborn offer to help both Chapters fight their enemies in exchange for information, the [Placeholders] agree to the terms. The Daggers do not, instead attacking both the [Placeholders] and the Oceanborn, accusing the Oceanborn of being heretics and the [Placeholders] of being seduced by Chaos.
* The fight would have gone incredibly badly for the Daggers, had they not (in a fit of MASSIVE hypocrisy) fallen into the grasp of Chaos once the battle began, flooding the [Placeholders] home world of Ramosha with un-natural, daemonic foes. As it stands, the battle was fiercely fought. The island containing the [Placeholders] fortress monastery was destroyed, sinking under the turbulent seas.
* The Daggers were eventually driven off by the [Placeholders] and the Oceanborn. The former's strength was all but spent, their numbers dwindled to the point of inevitable extinction.
This looks really good
* The [Placeholders] made the XI Legion a deal: they would give the last of their geneseed to the Oceanborn (for use with geneseed tithes, maybe even maintaining a Company that is actually of Dorn's line, not 100% sure yet) and teach the Legion how to become a Chapter, but in return the Oceanborn must inherit the duties of the [Placeholders] - to protect the Glastheim Rifts and bring it back under Imperial control, and to avenge their bitter loss to the Daggers of Drakon.
On the whole, this is good, but I'm having a hard time visualizing a Dornian chapter ceeding its gene-seed to a non-Dornian group of Marines of unknown origin. The sons of Dorn are a particularly stubborn and proud lot. I'd have an easier time visuallizing them launching into a Kamikaze Crusade against their traitorous brothers, the Daggers of Drakon. The rest (orienting the Oceanborn in the ways of a Space Marine Chapter, promising to honor the duties of the Placeholders of Dorn after they die, etc.) seems plausible. With some slight modification the story as a whole is an excellent reentry into the Realm of the Emperor.
You are still left with the problem of turning the Oceanborn into an "official" chapter, recognized as such by the Imperium. I think the answer to that problem lies here:
In a fury, the Emperor exiles Nerius and his Legion, to wander the empty void beyond the galaxy for a thousand years as penance, with no man permitted to speak, write or otherwise make mention of the Emperor's Wayward Son or his Legion until such penance is completed.
When the Oceanborn meet up with Guilliman he is likely aware of this, and....... the thousand year penitent crusade of the Oceanborn is over. I think with a few stipulations (change your name, don't ever mention XI Legion, etc.) an official charter could be arranged.
I begin to see how ridiculously good writing skills are a legitimate requirement for projects like this, and so doubt begins to set in.
Perhaps this task is beyond me, but then again, what good is a challenge that doesn't push one's skills to the limit?
I like to think that we have room for all skill levels in these various projects in the Liber. However, I do consider you to be in possession of those "ridiculously good writing skills" therefore, you will accordingly be held to a higher standard
Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 14 January 2020 - 08:02 PM.