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Working Title: The Faceless Death


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#### Epilogue ####

 

+++Begin Report+++

 

MEMORANDUM FOR RECORD

 

CLASSIFICATION: FOR INTERNAL USE ONLY

 

DATE OF RECORD: 2 423.009.M42

 

DATE OF INCIDENT: 2 267.009.M42

 

FROM: LT MAGNUS

 

ATTN: SKALD JOHANN JARNSMIÐUR, CPT SIGURD OLAFSONN, VEIÐIMAÐUR KRISTJAN KARLSONN

 

RE: ARGOTH GENESTEALER CULT INVESTIGATION; ARGOTH HIVE WORLD, JERICHO REACH. SEGMENTUM ULTIMA CASE NUMBER 91044678

 

We had been engaged in search operations for a genestealer cult for three weeks prior to the event in question. For the purposes of clarity I will include details related to the raid on the day in question.

 

The Inquisitor, Carolus, had been very cagey about sharing details on his source for the information. We suspect that his source was someone closely associated with the cult, though we could not confirm this at the time. We would learn that it was, in fact, the Magos we captured during the raid. Unthinkable that a herald of the swarm would turn against it, though we suspect it has something to do with deeper understanding of the swarm, likely gained through inadvertent contact with the hive mind itself. 

 

In the weeks leading up to the raid, we tracked cultists, and purestrain genestealers through the sewer system of Habitation Center Eretrius of Hive Ajakis. This lead us to narrow down what would become our primary target.

 

Our Inquisitor had been less than forthcoming with details regarding the operations. He seemed less concerned about finding the source of the infestation, and more concerned with the scale of the infestation. He seemed to want it contained, and not eradicated. We knew that the Ordo Xenos was strange, but we did not figure them as callous. His was a scientific curiosity, and he seemed not to intend us to eradicate the infestation. It seemed he wanted to run an experiment, to see how the biology of the cultists would assert itself, and how the reproductive cycle worked.

 

Upon our own interrogation of the captured magos, we learned that she had indeed touched the Hive mind, and felt it's hunger. This terrified her, as she knew what fate would befall her and her mutant brethren if the swarm actually did land on her world. She had no desire to be consumed. While she is a mutant, this desire was understandably human, and her desire to survive was genuine.

 

The capture of this magos gives us a potent weapon, as she is a valuable resource to the chapter. We can now gain real time information on the movements of the hive fleets, as well as the locations of new cults so that we may destroy the swarm's vanguard.

 

What is of paramount concern is less the capture of the magos, not an unimportant intelligence find, and more the threat the inquisition poses to humanity. The Inquisition has lost its way, and this inquisitor's experiment threatened the population of an entire world.

 

Skald Johann recovered a dataslate from an inquisitorial aide. This dataslate contained information which was obtained through the interrogation of the magos. The dataslate was a veritable gold mine of information on the inquisition.

 

Upon further inspection of said dataslate, it contained full details of the inquisitor's works. He was a sadist, we found holovid footage of him torturing Eldar, T'Au, experimenting on Orks, vivisecting Kroot, and other heinous acts. He was apparently a known deviant as well, and we now have reason to suspect that he was in communion with many Dark Eldar, not surprising given his proclivities, and he had made an extensive study of their Haemonculi. We have seen video results of his, heretical seems inadequate, works. He was also well known for exterminating entire planets to cover up his atrocities. He had unnaturally extended his life through the use of Xenos technologies and procedures, but the Inquisition had been covering up his actions for many decades now.

 

Inquisitor Carolus was justly tried and executed for his numerous crimes. He had intended for us to be lost on that world when his experiment failed. Instead, we were able to thwart his efforts, and secure the planet by eliminating the infestation. Much of this information was secured for us by our men in the Deathwatch.

 

I will never forget Our Captain's final words to the inquisitor, "Quis custodiet ipsos custodes". We are those who watch the guardians.

 

Til Veiða!

 

++++ END RECORD ++++

Edited by Ulrik_Ironfist
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Good job.

It seemed he wanted to run an experiment, to see how the biology of the cultists would assert itself, and how the reproductive cycle worked.

So the Inquisitor deliberately infected an Imperial world with Genestealers, for the purpose of his experiment? That does deserve capital punishment.

Upon our own interrogation of the captured magos, we learned that she had indeed touched the Hive mind, and felt it's hunger. This terrified her, as she knew what fate would befall her and her mutant brethren if the swarm actually did land on her world. She had no desire to be consumed. While she is a mutant, this desire was understandably human, and her desire to survive was genuine.

This unconventional attitude is an original idea, for a story about a Genestealer cultist.

The capture of this magos gives us a potent weapon, as she is a valuable resource to the chapter. We can now gain real time information on the movements of the hive fleets, as well as the locations of new cults so that we may destroy the swarm's vanguard.

Problem: Genestealers also serve as psychic beacons that draw Tyranids to their positions, as noted in the Ciaphas Cain novel Duty Calls (republished in the Ciaphas Cain: Defender of the Imperium omnibus). The Genestealer Magos may INVOLUNTARILY draw a Hive Fleet to her position. I hope the Stormcrows are aware of the risk, and take appropriate countermeasures.

He was a sadist, we found holovid footage of him torturing Eldar, T'Au, experimenting on Orks, vivisecting Kroot, and other heinous acts.

It is NOT in-character for a Space Marine to give a damn about the pain and suffering of xenos who seek to inflict pain and suffering upon humans, either intentionally (Dark Eldar/Drukhari, Orks seeking a good fight) or callously in the course of pursuing their goals (Eldar/Aeldari seeking to achieve or avert some prophecy, Tau seeking to bring humans under their "Greater Good" via conquest, Kroots eating human bodies in search of genes to further evolve). The Emperor created Space Marines to defend humanity, NOT to defend xenos, unless the latter somehow helps the Marines defend humanity, e.g., the Aeldari offer the Chapter intel on an Iron Warriors fortress world's defenses (allowing Imperial forces to reclaim it with minimal losses) in exchange for aid in diverting a Hive Fleet from a Craftworld.
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It is NOT in-character for a Space Marine to give a damn about the pain and suffering of xenos who seek to inflict pain and suffering upon humans, either intentionally (Dark Eldar/Drukhari, Orks seeking a good fight) or callously in the course of pursuing their goals (Eldar/Aeldari seeking to achieve or avert some prophecy, Tau seeking to bring humans under their "Greater Good" via conquest, Kroots eating human bodies in search of genes to further evolve). The Emperor created Space Marines to defend humanity, NOT to defend xenos, unless the latter somehow helps the Marines defend humanity, e.g., the Aeldari offer the Chapter intel on an Iron Warriors fortress world's defenses (allowing Imperial forces to reclaim it with minimal losses) in exchange for aid in diverting a Hive Fleet from a Craftworld.

It's not that LT Magnus cares about the suffering, simply that he's using supporting evidence of wanton cruelty and disregard for all life, as well as his apparent cavorting with alien species. The Inquisitor is villainous, and he deserves punishment, for his crimes against humanity. The LT doesn't care about the suffering on Xenos, he cares that there was no point to it. It didn't serve humanity, it only served as pleasure for the Inquisitor, something which only feeds a certain chaos deity.

 

The StormCrows are paragmatists, they don't do things unless there's a point to it. If it doesn't serve humanity's interests to murder Xenos, they're not going to go out of their way to pick a fight. If they can use Xenos to achieve a goal that is aligned with humanity's benefit, they'll work with those Xenos until such time as the task is complete or the Xenos become an exigent threat.

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I'm going to do another Chapter in my anthology so buckle up.

 

+++++ Part 1 +++++

 

Brother-Sergeant Torstein shifted anxiously, as the Storm Eagle plunged through the planet's upper atmosphere. It was his first mission since his promotion. His squad was to make a covert insertion, and set up a landing zone for the rest of the Second Company. Their callsign was Pathfinder. They would find and secure a landing zone, set up teleport homers and begin preparing defenses. They were all very lightly armed, but their job did not require heavy firepower as they were to remain undetected. The Bumpy ride suddenly smoothed out as the craft entered the crossed the from the thermosphere into the stratosphere. The Pilot took a steep dive, Torstein's stomach felt like it leapt up into his throat. The sharp descent leveled off at around 5000 meters and a dim red light came on. The squad of Astartes all stood up. They lined up at the rear hatch of the craft. Each man checked the grav-chute of the man ahead of him. The rear ramp began to lower, and a loud roar echoed through the troop bay, as the winds swirled into the interior of the craft. The men all lined up, the jumpmaster checked Torstein's grav-chute, tapping him on the leg to notify him that everything checked out. The men all lined to the rear of the craft, the light turned green and one by one the astartes jumped from the craft, into the silence of the night air...

 

*****

Captain Sigurd had received a message from the Agri-World of Gault, in the Segmentum Pacificus, the world had come under the gaze of marauders and the citizens were requesting help. These marauders were apparently rogue astartes, and renegade guardsmen. It was unclear if Chaos was involved, but it was the sworn duty of the StormCrows to respond to calls for aid, and this they would not ignore.

 

Upon their arrival, they were met by two inquisitorial retinues. One of them was an Ordo Malleus Inquisitor who had come to investigate possible chaos involvement, while the other a far more modest looking fellow, Identified himself as being from the Ordo Arcanum. The Daemonhunter acted as if he had never heard of it, declaring, rather arrogantly, that this was his investigation, and that all Imperial resources present were now at his disposal, and under his direct authority.

 

Sigurd knew that the Ordo Arcanum was a very small order, but one with a very large mandate; They were the watchdog over the Ordo Malleus and Ordo Hereticus. Of all the Inquisitorial Ordos, this was the one that the StormCrows actually respected. Sigurd scoffed, internally, at the idea that the Deamonhunter was in command of anything given his present company. The StormCrows had never bowed to the Inquisition, and never would.

 

Sigurd Imagined this would be a very interesting mission...

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Finally, the Inquisition's Internal Affairs department shows up! Here to investigate the Daemonhunter?

Possibly.

 

 

Will the Renegade Marines be from a Chapter of your own creation, or will their name be one I can find on Lexicanum?

I haven't figure that one out yet.

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+++++ Part 2 +++++

 

Torstein and his squad plummeted through the dark night sky. Each of the men falling into a loose formation around him. Scans had indicated that there was a renegade encampment 4km from their drop zone. The drop zone was to be the insertion point, by teleport, for the company's infiltration units. After setting up the teleport homers, Pathfinder squad was to begin scouting the area and blaze a trail to the renegade encampment.

 

Torstein noticed the ground getting larger at an increasing rate, and he looked at his altimeter, 500 meters above ground level. He thumbed the control which activated his grav-chute. his descent slowed rapidly, until he almost seemed to float. The rest of the squad quickly followed suit. They would now glide gently to the surface. Several minutes later they touched down, exactly on target. They had seen the encampment off in the distance, due west of their current position. It was about half way to the nearest farm town settlement. Corporal Lukas began to set up the teleport homer. Within moments he had it set up and Pathfinder squad was moving out. The first to arrive the rest of the company's infiltrators. They silently moved to secure the perimeter, as they watched pathfinder move off to the west.

 

The Incursors were next, closely followed by a pair of Invictor warsuits, and finally the Eliminators. The Incursor squads and the Invictor warsuits formed into two strike teams, and moved out. The eliminators moved on ahead to take up overwatch positions. The Infiltrators moved out to take up supporting positions around the enemy encampment. The entire second company strike force was in postition...

 

****

 

Far above the future battle, Captain Sigurd looked on. He monitored the helmet cam footage as it streamed onto the bridge of the StormCrow's Strike Cruiser the Invincible Might. There were standards, mostly indicating an allegiance to the chaos god Khorne. There were renegade astartes and guardsmen milling about, as well as a throng of cultists. The scene was alive with the sounds of pounding war drums, and ecstatic dancing, violent convulsions as the renegades whipped themselves into a frenzy of bloodlust. The banners indicated that they were a group calling themselves the Crimson Rite. This was the first indication that they were a Khornate warband.

 

The scene was a surreal festival of bloodshed and carnage. The warband slaughtered a few of the cultists, apparently in some sort of ritual. Sigurd did not know what he was witnessing, but he did not hesitate when the Ordo Malleus Inquisitor spoke.

 

"Stop them, launch your attack and kill them all, before they can finish!"

 

Sigurd gave the signal, their chapter's warcry, to launch the attack, "Til Veiða!"

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I presume the Marines used grav chutes because the light and the sound a jump pack generated would alert their targets. What does "Til Veiða" mean?

That is correct. The name of the game is stealth, and a roaring jet pack does not say stealthy. "Til Veiða" means, "For the Hunt". It's the Chapter's warcry, alluding to thier adoption of the Wild Hunt Persona. I had used a different translation when I first did my fluff but this one is more accurate, I believe.

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+++++ Part 3 +++++

 

The words crackled over the Vox, "Til Veiða!" The signal was given, and the strike force commenced their attack.There was an urgency to the call, which spurred the men to act quickly. Rounds from the sniper's bolt rifle pierced the air dropping sentries with lethal precision. The Infiltration teams surged forward staying low and sticking to the shadows as they made their approach.

 

****

Far above, the Malleus Inquisitor looked worried. Sigurd could sense the fear rolling off the Inquisitor. The Arcanum Inquisitor looked on in morbid curiosity, seeming to be more interested in what the Malleus Inquisitor knew that he did not.

 

****

The Infiltration teams quickly entered the camp, their silenced bolt carbines spitting death at any foe who fell under the weapon's one eyed gaze. Sergeants Huginn and Gunnar led their squads through the camp, quick and efficient, killing everything in their way. Slaughtering heretic guardsmen was one thing, the true challenge would be once they began to encounter the renegade Astartes.

 

Torstein spoke a silent prayer to the ancestors for protection. Despite his conditioning in the Imperial truth, he fell back on his lifetime habit of prayer, as it gave him comfort to seek protection from something greater. He and his squad tore through the renegades, until suddenly he stood face to face with a Heretic in full terminator armor. It towered over his nearly three meter frame, it seethed with malice and hatred. Torstein's enhanced reflexes kicked in as he registered the massive talon rear back to swipe at him. He ducked and rolled into the strike, It swept over his head as if in slow motion.

 

Torstein's roll put him back on his fee and sprung into action climbing the Terminator's carapace as it began to thrash about violently. Torstein jammed the muzzle of his bolt gun into the collar and pulled the trigger. It let out a stream of kraken bolts each of which tore through the terminator's lightly armored neck. It killed him instantly, and the terminator slumped forward. Torstein deftly rolled with the tumbling bulk and he again regained his footing. He spun, a flawless pirouette, on his the ball of his lead foot, immediately dropping to a knee and fired two rapid shots. Each shot tore through a renegade's helm, before exploding and showering the surrounding area with gore. The forms of the two renegades crumpled like marionettes with their strings cut.

 

Torstein noted that the bolt of his weapon had locked back. He pushed the magazine release with his trigger finger allowing the spent magazine to drop free and he inserted a fresh magazine. He thumbed the bolt release, sending the bolt forward with a satisfyingly chunky clack. He shouldered the weapon's retractable stock and proceeded to press forward with his squad.

 

Ten minutes later the camp had been cleared and the Command staff arrived with full thunderhawk support. Soon Torstein would make contact with the local magistrate to begin finding information. The Captain arrived with his Valkyrja bodyguard squad, a fact which seemed to make the Ordo Malleus Inquisitor who had just arrived uncomfortable. Apparently he had heard the stories and knew better than to cross the StormCrows, the Other Inquisitor was a mystery to Torstein, but he figured that if he needed to know, he would be informed. Still, the other Inquisitor was... disconcerting...

Edited by Ulrik_Ironfist
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Good job so far. It's strange the Chaos (Renegade?) Terminator bore no identifiers, e.g., Chaos stars, Marks of a Chaos God, defaced Chapter symbols (including pauldrons painted over with black paint), etc. Was the Terminator actually a loyalist, i.e., the Ordo Malleus Inquisitor is a traitor who tricked the Stormcrows into attacking a loyalist position and committing an act of treason?
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Good job so far. It's strange the Chaos (Renegade?) Terminator bore no identifiers, e.g., Chaos stars, Marks of a Chaos God, defaced Chapter symbols (including pauldrons painted over with black paint), etc. Was the Terminator actually a loyalist, i.e., the Ordo Malleus Inquisitor is a traitor who tricked the Stormcrows into attacking a loyalist position and committing an act of treason?

More will become clear with the next installment.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm currently trying to figure out  how to do the next installment. there are some feelings and experiences that I'm trying to figure out how to convey properly. And I haven't had a lot of time for writing lately, searching for a new job has been a bit rough.

Edited by Ulrik_Ironfist
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I have now managed to catch up too.  Your pacing is good and it's easy to read and grasp what's happening.  Feels very comfortable in the setting and your action scenes are put together well.

 

Will be interesting to see how it develops on the solid foundations so far.

 

MR.

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+++++ Part 4 +++++

 

The inquisitor walked around the scene, surveying the carnage that the StormCrows had wrought. The daylight was beginning to fade, and the evening air was choked with thick smoke. The pyres were built high, with astartes throwing the corpses of the heathen traitors on the burning piles. Squads of the Valkyrja stood with their heavy flamers adding burning promethium to the pyres, to keep them burning through the night.

 

The sky darkened as the camp was dismantled. The Scribes catalogued artefacts and documented the rituals that were being performed. They worked under the watchful eyes of the inquisitors. The Inquisitor from the Ordo Arcanum seemed more interested in the magics at work, and the Malleus Inquisitor in particular. The Scribes continued their work unfettered, the workings of the inquisition were of little concern to them.

 

Torstein entered the Company command tent to deliver his report. By final count, they had lost three Marines, while the total traitor count was fifteen traitor astartes, and about thirty traitor guardsmen. They had accounted for forty locals, about twenty had been the subject of ritual sacrifice, while the remaining twenty, were catatonic. On the Malleus inquisitor's direction the twenty sacrificed locals were deposited in a pit, and their bodies burnt. The air was thick with the smell of burning promethium, and charred flesh. The grim task continued through the night, and the priests of the Inquisitorial retinues saw to the survivors, attempting to make sense of the seeming nonsense they were spouting about a daemon.

 

They had stopped the ritual, according to the Inquisitor that meant that nothing had come through.

 

*****

A blood curdling shriek pierced the darkness surrounding the burning camp. It's shrill tone cut through the night like a knife. Explosions rocked the town over the hillock, and the night began to glow as fires lit in the town. Torstein signaled his men, and the Malleus inquisitor gathered his forces as well. They boarded two rhino transports and sped off towards the village.

 

There was an unholy scene before them as they piled out of the transports. A massive daemon, loomed in the town center, swarms of bloodletters sped around the villiage tearing through houses cutting down the occupants. One man stumbled towards them he was clearly disturbed, and he collapsed at their feet. The Inquisitor turned to address the Astartes. The man who had stumbled up suddenly moved with preternatural speed, and rammed his arms through the two stormtroopers next to him. The Astartes took a step back, and leveled their bolters, but were unable to track their target as light bent around it while the daemon manifested. The Inquisitor was oblivious. The kneeling man began to rub his face with the blood, and then began to tear at his skin. his fingernails gouged deep, peeling the skin away. He began to morph, growing larger than an astartes, the newborn bloodletter loomed over the inquisitor. The inquisitor's chest exploded as the bloodletter rammed it's bony fingers through him. The Inquisitor's gore and entrails splattered Torsein's armor, lodging gore and entrails in the crevices of the carapace.

 

The daemon grasped the inquisitors spine, and pulled it from his corpse as if the creature were drawing a sword. blood swirled around, rising off the ground swirling and forming the heinous blade of the wicked khornate swords. The Astartes and remaining storm troopers shook themselves back to reality. They opened fire one and all, burning the daemon to the ground.

 

****

 

On the Hill over looking the town, Captain Sigurd stood, directing his forces to begin their attack. He readied himself, his shield and hammer slung, he checked his weapons, an ancient volkite serpenta and a Combi-volkite, both given to him by the Chapter Master himself. They were relics from the heresy, and had seen the Veiðimaður through many dark days. He secured his weapons, clutched his shield and hammer and with his loyal Valkyrja at his side they took flight.

 

****

The reserves descended from the skies on pillars of flame. The Inceptor squads slammed into the ground, scattering groups of bloodletters. The inceptors assault bolters belching gouts of flame and high explosive shells.  Meanwhile the aggressors marched in from the edge of town, their Auto Boltstorm Gauntlets belching death at any daemon that dared cross their path. It was utter chaos, a grand melee from days of yore. It was as the Loremaster had described the days of the Horus heresy in his training. The Loremaster was now their chapter master, and Was the wisest among them. His words echoed in Torstein's head Trust your brothers, for their strength is yours!

 

"Shield wall!" Torsterin shouted. His squads immediately formed a firing line, shielding the beleaguered stormtroopers behind them. "YOU! Watch our backs!" He shouted to the stormtroopers. "Advance!" Torstain shouted, and their firing line did so.

 

They marched forward, gunning down daemons left and right. Finally it seemed like they had turned the tide. Roaring comets appeared overhead. Captain Sigurd and his escort flew towards the greater daemon looming over the village plaza.

 

Captain Sigurd and his escort pulled up sharply. Sigurd cut his jump pack's thrust and began to fall. He plummeted, using his jump pack to make minor corrections. He achieved terminal velocity quickly, as he dove head first towards the massive daemon. he reared back with his hammer seconds before his shield arm struck the daemon in the face. He delivered the full force of meteoric descent through the shield and crashed through the daemon's defense. Sigurd unleashed his thunder hammer upon the great beast catching it square in the sternum. The crunch of bone and the squelch of tearing sinew let him know he had landed a solid blow upon the foul abomination.

 

The monster stumbled, falling to a knee mere meters from Sigurd. The fell beast's head was at eye level, Sigurd closed the distance and swung his hammer with all his might letting the weapon slip through his hands to full extension, to increase the speed of the hammer head and it landed with a meaty crunch. The skull of the great monstrosity shattered, blood splattered all over the plaza. The Daemon was grievously wounded and Sigurd did not hesitate to light his jump pack to deliver a final meteor strike.

 

The Daemon was not done though. It was a champion of Khorne, after all. It swiped with it's great axe, catching Sigurd mid leap with the flat of the head. Sigurd went careening through a building. He sprung back to his feet, but fell as the floor beneath him collapsed. His fall ended as he slammed into the floor of the building's basement. He climbed out of the hole he had made, his armor now caked with congealed daemon blood and masonry dust. He leveled a threatening gaze at the daemon which stood before him. The Daemon lifted a hand and motioned for him to come. The eyes of Sigurd's helm glowed an ethereal blue, the families that were cowering in their homes, now reduced to rubble, looked on Sigurd in awe. To them he appeared to be the emperor's will incarnate, the sum of all humanity's rage and hate. He exited the building, lumbering forward into a loping sprint. He cooked off his thrusters and streaked towards the daemon. Shield first he slammed into it's chest like a massive bolter round. The daemon stumbled again, and Sigurd pressed his attack, slamming hammer blow after hammer blow into the creature's massive form. Crushing the beast's femur he brought it low and with one fell handed strike he brought his hammer down on the crown of the daemon's skull. It caved in and the contents of it's head came spilling out, a wave of gore washed over Sigurd, threatening to drown him. But he stood in the face of it.

 

Crazed cultists came streaming out of the sewers, determined to see their lord's will done. Sigurd drew his sidearm, and fired. A loud choom burst forth from the weapon and torched the wave of cultists as he swept it's ray across their number. He limbered his combi-volkite and swept a second wave of cultists. They burst into flame and were rendered unto ash in nanoseconds. Sigurd holstered his sidearm, slung his rifle and gathered his shield and hammer. He braced for another assault.

 

Across the Village, piercing shrieks sounded as the bloodletters fell. A ghostly cavalcade came riding through town. dragging the daemons back to the warp from whence they came. The Valkyrja descended their weapons spewing flame, torching the remains of the daemonic incursion. Ensuring that no taint shall persist. Now only cultists remained, sobbing heaps that they were, as they witnessed the true power of the Wild Hunt. They were gathered up and executed. Their corpses burned in stinking pits of charred remains.

 

As Sigurd walked through the village, he saw young Sergeant Torstein, assisting in the disposition of the inquisitor's butchered corpse, His armor splattered with most of it. As the young astartes moved, the welter of gore sloughed off his armor. One particularly large clump, possibly the inquisitor's large intestine, fell at his feet. As young Torstein went about his grim duty, he stepped, squarely on the clump of gore. It was just large enough to lubricate his foot, and he fell squarely upon his rump. He impacted the ground with a thud, cratering the cobblestone pavement. A moment of stunned silence passed and some of the men began to visibly shake, attempting to retain their composure, and apparently failing, one squad member doubled over, falling to his knees laughing. His head was pressed to the ground and his fist was pounding the ground. The entire squad lost their composure and began to laugh as Torstein sat, stunned and covered in his shame, for a few moments before one of his squad offered him a hand up. One of the laughing troopers reached his arm around Torstein and draped it over his shoulder, patting Torstein's chest, and they all began to laugh.

 

Sigurd smiled, the danger was past for now, and some levity returned to break the stress. This would not be the end for this particular campaign...

Edited by Ulrik_Ironfist
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Nice.

 

I particularly liked this:

 

 The crunch of bone and the squelch of tearing sinew let him know he had landed a solid blow upon the foul abomination

 

Meaty! :devil:

 

Your latest episode has a lot of urgency to it, which certainly helps the pace and I think you twist from fracas to farce well at the end with the tension break, a good dramatic technique.  Your action sequences are logical and work well, but I think there's a couple of things you could explore to really unlock the potential in your writing.

 

Firstly, the fight with the Big Baddie.  I think for an avatar of war, it goes down well, but pretty easily.  You work in some nice push-back when he catches Sigurd and spills him to the ground, but after that, it ends a bit quickly. Do you think there's a way you could beef up the grief here? 

 

Secondly, I'm wondering about the Marines too shocked to fire - I understand what you're trying to achieve with this, but it doesn't seem terribly Marine-like.  Is there any way you could work this to keep the drama and yet prove the Marines' action-driven character?

 

Just my pennies, feel free to ignore me - it's still great reading!

 

MR.

Edited by Mazer Rackham
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Nice.

 

I particularly liked this:

 

 The crunch of bone and the squelch of tearing sinew let him know he had landed a solid blow upon the foul abomination

 

Meaty! :devil:

I'm glad it got the right sensation across.

 

Your latest episode has a lot of urgency to it, which certainly helps the pace and I think you twist from fracas to farce well at the end with the tension break, a good dramatic technique.  Your action sequences are logical and work well, but I think there's a couple of things you could explore to really unlock the potential in your writing.

Thanks, I appreciate the positive feedback, it's nice to know that someone is enjoying my work.

 

 

Firstly, the fight with the Big Baddie.  I think for an avatar of war, it goes down well, but pretty easily.  You work in some nice push-back when he catches Sigurd and spills him to the ground, but after that, it ends a bit quickly. Do you think there's a way you could beef up the grief here?

I didn't mean to suggest that he was soloing a bloodthirster or something. Tey just saw a bigger meaner daemon and assumed it was something of that scale, but it was more than likely just a mid tier daemon. I ended it quickly because I didn't want to drag it on for 5 paragraphs (I certainly could have, but I wasn;t confident that I could keep the attention of the reader for that long), and I wanted to show off Sigurd's power, before the full climax of the story (so when the real big bad fight happens, I can really give Sigurd some trouble), I still have one more part I want to write for this one, since I wanted this particular story to be a five parter.

 

 

Secondly, I'm wondering about the Marines too shocked to fire - I understand what you're trying to achieve with this, but it doesn't seem terribly Marine-like.  Is there any way you could work this to keep the drama and yet prove the Marines' action-driven character?

 

So one of the things that I wanted my Chapter to be was analytical, and so they wouldn't necessarily have a shoot first mentality. Also they've never gone up against a full on daemon incursion before, and had never seen a daemon morph from a human cultist before. This was intended to be something totally out of their wheelhouse, but you're right. I could have stated it differently or put a qualifier on it so that it all happened too fast for them to fully react after processing what they just saw. I intended it to be a matter of seconds and not entirely in the view of the Marines. I'll work on making them feel a bit more marine-like in the next episode.

 

 

Just my pennies, feel free to ignore me - it's still great reading!

 

MR.

I appreciate the feedback. I think I get better with every story I write, because folks like you give me feedback.

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I'm glad it was of some use - it's difficult to word feedback properly in order to try and encourage and help (and not sound like an elbow in a rucksack of buttocks). :rolleyes:

 

I misunderstood the big nasty, and I see why you dealt with it so quickly - why dawdle when your pace is running, right?  I just love a good scrap :)

 

Please keep writing these, I'm enjoying your take on the Astartes.

 

MR.

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Secondly, I'm wondering about the Marines too shocked to fire - I understand what you're trying to achieve with this, but it doesn't seem terribly Marine-like. Is there any way you could work this to keep the drama and yet prove the Marines' action-driven character?

So one of the things that I wanted my Chapter to be was analytical, and so they wouldn't necessarily have a shoot first mentality. Also they've never gone up against a full on daemon incursion before, and had never seen a daemon morph from a human cultist before. This was intended to be something totally out of their wheelhouse, but you're right. I could have stated it differently or put a qualifier on it so that it all happened too fast for them to fully react after processing what they just saw. I intended it to be a matter of seconds and not entirely in the view of the Marines. I'll work on making them feel a bit more marine-like in the next episode.
Suggestion: As the Daemon manifests in the Materium, it distorts space-time around itself, making light bend to make it appear elsewhere (see mirages) as well as elsewhen (simultaneously appear where it was a moment ago, where it is now, and where it will be a moment later). The Marines hesitate because the space-time distortion confused them, making them doubt their own senses.
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Secondly, I'm wondering about the Marines too shocked to fire - I understand what you're trying to achieve with this, but it doesn't seem terribly Marine-like. Is there any way you could work this to keep the drama and yet prove the Marines' action-driven character?

So one of the things that I wanted my Chapter to be was analytical, and so they wouldn't necessarily have a shoot first mentality. Also they've never gone up against a full on daemon incursion before, and had never seen a daemon morph from a human cultist before. This was intended to be something totally out of their wheelhouse, but you're right. I could have stated it differently or put a qualifier on it so that it all happened too fast for them to fully react after processing what they just saw. I intended it to be a matter of seconds and not entirely in the view of the Marines. I'll work on making them feel a bit more marine-like in the next episode.
Suggestion: As the Daemon manifests in the Materium, it distorts space-time around itself, making light bend to make it appear elsewhere (see mirages) as well as elsewhen (simultaneously appear where it was a moment ago, where it is now, and where it will be a moment later). The Marines hesitate because the space-time distortion confused them, making them doubt their own senses.

 

That's a great explanation, and I'll remember it for future use, and as the explanation itself doesn't alter things too much, I'll go back and change it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

+++++ Part 5 +++++

 

Captain Sigurd walked briskly through the town. Grateful townsfolk gave beleaguered smiles to the power armored giant. His Valkyrja bodyguards trailed behind him, struggling to match his pace. All around him, the astartes of his second company assisted the townsfolk in cleaning up their shattered town. The fifth company would soon arrive planet side, and could better assist the town in reconstruction, as building was one of their specialties. The town was not done yet, more of the Crimson Rite's forces had been spotted, the warband's various hordes had seen the bloodshed wrought by their fellows. The Crimson Rite had a grim reputation, they were bloodthirsty and cruel.

 

Suddenly, a shriek was heard, it pierced the still mid morning air. The sound carried, far. One of the astartes on watch called from the watch tower.

 

"Sir, i see a young boy in the fields to the south!"

 

Sigurd motioned to a team of astartes, and they immediately dropped their task, and went running into the field. Some of the townsfolk followed on horseback. Torstein was the first to arrive. He found the boy naked, covered in blood and filth.

 

"Who has done this?" Torstein asked. The boy could not do anything but wail and cry, clutching his ears. One of the villagers came forward with a blanket for the boy.

 

"I know this boy's family, they live just over the hill in the next glen," she said, "I will show you."

 

The astartes followed her lead, to a farmhouse shrouded in woods. The astartes thanked her for showing them the way and they bid her to go back to the village and help. The squad spread out, moving by twos, they approached the house. One of the men found a totem, it was a sigil of khorne thrust into the ground. The air stank of death and blood. Torstein and one of his squadmates entered the house. They found the family butchered. as Torstein searched, he found a corpse under a blanket. As he lifted the blanket, a dismembered arm fell to the floor. The ragged edges of the severed arm spoke of foul deeds. Torstein rushed out of the house, and removed his helm, and vomited.

 

He was no stranger to death, nor the sight of corpses, but what he had seen was to foul for his stalwart constitution. His companion was visibly shaken by the sight as well, even through tons of cermaite armor he wore.

 

"What is it Brother-Sergeant?" One of the men asked.

 

Torstein responded, "Their heads have been removed, and the bodies..." he paused becoming visibly sickened again, "Have been... gnawed upon."

 

This revelation drew whispers from the men, questioning just what manner of foul beasts these traitors had become. The men put the house to the torch, burning the taint of chaos from the land on which it stood. After that they returned to report their findings.

 

Captain Sigurd was shocked. The detail in Torstein's report showed a level of depravity which they had never seen. This certainly was not normal for their dealings with the Crimson Rite. Their number had grown and they had butchered several worlds, leaving naught but madness and bloodshed in their wake. The worlds they had touched had all needed to be burned, for the madness that followed them corrupted entire worlds. However, cannibalism was not something which they had seen before, and it spoke of ever increasing madness among the warband. Sigurd was determined that this world would not fall the same way.

 

The town had finished preparing defenses, and the chapter militia stood ready to defend it. The fifth, sixth, and seventh, companies had also arrived on planet, which meant the second company could go hunting. The men of the second company moved out...

Edited by Ulrik_Ironfist
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Good job building atmosphere and setting up the battle to come.

 

Typo:

"How has done this?" Torstein asked.

Emphasis mine. I think you meant, "Who has done this?"

 

That is exactly what I meant to type.

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  • 4 weeks later...

+++++ Part 6 +++++

 

News of Torstein's discovery had begun to spread through the ranks. Their hunt, a task group of over a thousand astartes, had brought it's full might to bear. The Fourth Company was set up to fall from the heavens, should they be needed. The reserve companies had deployed assets to the ground, and set up gunships in orbit ready for the jump pack troops to make their meteoric descent. The Chapter Militia stood ready, bolstering the remaining planetary defense forces. The Valkyrja stood beside Captain Sigurd, ready to heed his call.

 

All was calm, the air was still. Suddenly a war horn pierced the cool air. A line of glowing orange began to snake its way down the side of a far off hill. The lookouts sounded the alarm, The Crimson Rite was coming. A dread pall fell over the planetary defense forces. They began to whisper about the "fire wyrm" and that it was a portent of their doom. The Astartes did not falter, they remained resolute, as they went about their preparations. They had purged the chaos cult from the village last night, all that remained was scared farmers. The "Wyrm" approached, a roar pierced the growing darkness. The "wyrm" split as a massive beast pushed through. Its roar screeched and began to work at the morale of the local troops. Captain Sigurd readied himself, his bodyguard doing the same. Screeching down from the heavens came the veterans of the first company. The monster shrieked as the Berserkir assailed the beast with their thunderhammers. More veterans teleported in their massive Cataphractii suits acting as a bulwark against the front line of the enemy's advance. They poured fire into the oncoming lines cultists and traitor guardsmen falling under the blistering fusillade. their torches fell to the ground, extinguished in the muck and dewy grass. Lieutenants urged their men to hold position. The Second Company was dispatched to raid the flanks, and the men mounted the barricades and faded off into the gloom of the growing night.

 

The Devastators of the Support Company stood their ground, leveled their weapons at the large beast and let loose with their weapons. Massive heavy bolters belched death, and the flash of the lascannon pulses cast an eerie glow. The monster reeled under the barrage of lascannon fire. It stumbled under the weight of the heavy bolter fire. The devastators fired until their barrels began to glow. When they had stopped firing, an invictor warsuit burst from the treeline letting loose it's own deafening barrage of fire. The massive walker barreled into the great Daemon. It raised its massive fist and brought it crashing down on the Daemon's head, one of the beast's four horns broke off under the force of the impact, a sickly crunch and squish could be heard as the creature's neck compressed under the weight of the blow. The Daemon was not to be deterred, however, and it levied a flurry of blows with it's mighty axe against the Invictor. The machine stumbled and reeled as the pilot fought to keep his machine upright. The pilot fired his Incendium cannon in a desperate attempt to make some distance, but to no avail. The beast's whip lashed around the suit's ankle and sent it crashing to the ground. It followed up with its massive axe, easily dispatching the pilot, crushing him to death, and caving in the suit's cockpit, encasing the astartes into a ceramite tomb.

 

The great beast roared in triumph, and resumed its trudging march towards the settlement. The Chapter Militia and the Planetary defense Forces were now in range and began to open fire upon the Crimson Rite forces which had made it past the other forces. The Crimson Rite's advance had stalled, and they became mired in a grand melee. It was at this point when Huntsmaster Mikel, commander of their task group, ordered the artillery section to begin shelling the enemy rearguard. Ancient tanks, all relics of the Horus Heresy lovingly maintained by the Forgemasters, opened fire their shots arcing high into the air before crashing down on the enemy's rear area. The recon squads that had been deployed before the battle were directing the strikes. The old combined arms tactics of the Heresy Era were still serving them well to this day. a Squadron of Sicaran battle tanks came screaming around the left flank, driving hard towards the enemy position, firing their accelerator autocannons into the flank of the horde.

 

It struck Sigurd as strange that they only saw one daemon, among the Crimson Rite, and they saw very few heretic astartes. Warp portals began to open, spilling forth mutated astartes. Hulking berserkers charging into the fray, cleaving through the chaff, eager to get to their hated loyalist foes. The lines began to collapse, as the Storm Crows were forced to retreat under the strong push. The second and tenth companies made fighting retreats, to draw the enemy in against the bastion the first company had formed. The massive daemon, though had smashed through, and was headed towards the village. Captain Sigurd checked the status on his jump pack, and signaled his Valkyrja bodyguard that he was going to leap into battle. His jump pack flashed to life, propelling him forward like a rocket. His thunderhammer and shield in hand.

 

He put his shield ahead of him, as he smashed into the massive daemon's chest. The wounded beast howled in pain, as it craned backward, it's massive wings crumpling under its thunderous bulk. The bones crunched and broke. Sigurd drew his hammer back, readying to strike. He drove the hammer down against the beast's face and it made a wet crunch as it contacted the giant's bony cheek. The beast writhed in pain and dropped its whip. It grabbed Sigurd and threw him into the woods. Sigurd crashed through trees and brush before colliding into a massive tree. The enormous trunk absorbed the impact but splintered under the force. Sigurd pulled himself free of the tree lighting his jump pack once more.

 

He rocketed forth, landed and bounded into a jet assisted leap swinging his mighty hammer. The hammer connected with the beast's massive ribcage and bones crunched and sinews tore as the blow landed. The beast swung its mighty axe, and caught Sigurd in the chest. It winded him as he went crashing to the ground. His jump pack was now damaged, and he ejected it. Sigurd now prepared himself to weather an assault from the great beast, which had now picked its whip back up. Sigurd crouched down holding his shield ahead of him. He advanced on the daemon, his hammer in hand. The beast's whip ravaged Sigurd's shield as he inched toward the beast. He was now inside his reach and swung his hammer, catching the creature in its knee. The joint snapped and tore, bringing the beast down to the wounded knee. Sigurd delivered a blow to the side of the daemon's head smashing yet another horn from the beast's giant head. The beast roared in anguish and swung its axe. Sigurd saw the clumsy strike and was able to dodge it.

 

The Valkyrja had be raining fire upon the great beast from the outset. Their inferno pistols belching fusion flame at the hideous beast. Their weapons melted skin from the beast's broad back and chest as the Valkyrja swarmed around it like insects. Sigurd saw his opportunity, he dropped his battered shield and grasped his massive hammer with two hands and swung. He caught the beast in the sternum, and it doubled over giving Sigurd the opportunity for a two handed overhead strike. He swung his hammer down with all his might, catching the great daemon's head at the base of the skull. He swung again and again, until the Daemon's head was rendered a pulp. He piled upon the beast's broad back shunting his hammer to his left hand, and drew his Volkite Serpenta, firing it, he decapitated the great beast.

 

The beast began to dissolve into whatever warpstuff it was made from. Sigurd holstered his sidearm, and collected his shield. Massive obliterators were advancing on their position, and sigurd rushed to join the shield wall. Since the battle had begun bladeguard veterans had joined the rest of their first company brethren and had been advancing a shield wall. Captain Lukas Ironside had also joined the fray. He, like the other First Company Captains always led from the front. Sigurd came up behind, placing his shield over his fellow captain to provide him cover as he spoke.

 

"The Beast is dead, sorry to deprive you of the pleasure, brother," Sigurd spoke in mild jest.

 

"That's fine little brother, there are plenty more!" Lukas shouted back, gesturing his head towards the advancing abominations. Sigurd could hear the smile in his tone.

 

The deliverers came up behind, while the Dark Furies bounded over their heads on pillars of flame. Captain Lukas called for the shield wall to open, and the Delivers surged through and they began to tear through the enemy's lines. It had taken a while, but the Glaive superheavy tanks had finally been deployed. Two of the massive tanks had taken position behind the shield wall.

 

"Down!" The call came from Huntsmaster Mikel, broadband across the vox network.

 

Instinctively every astartes dropped to a knee. The Glaives fired their massive Volkite Carronades. The beams swept down the valley ripping through the warband. The rest of the guns on the massive tanks opened fire destroying what the Volkite had missed. The warband was mostly broken, and the reserves in orbit were called down to finish mopping up. Pockets of resistance would keep the Storm Crows busy for the next several weeks, but the back was broken. 

 

 ****

 

The Ordo Arcanum Inquisitor was satisfied with the outcome, and elected not to report the Storm Crows for their unconventional psychic powers. Captain Sigurd was granted a name, He was now Sigurd Daemonbane, for he had felled two great beasts of Khorne, one a Daemon Prince, and the other identified as a Bloodthirster. Huntsmaster Mikel was keen on taking his men home, for some much needed rest...

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