Looking for Advice (1st time dad)

[_Valten_]

I've got a 4 year old, and a 12 week old.

 

I suppose it all depends what you want to get out of the hobby, and how supportive your partner is with the hobby.

 

For example, when just had our eldest and he was a toddler I was able to paint a couple of evenings a week and still go to the local GW for a Thursday night gaming session after work every few weeks.  My wife knows I love the hobby and if I couldn't do it that I'd do her head in.  I was even able to get away for a weekend or so a year for an event with the guys.

 

Now we've got our new arrival (plus the lockdown) everything changes.  We've got him into the routine of having a feed around 9pm, at which point he sleeps.  I then give him another 'dream feed' around 12:30am.  Our current routine is that I get to hobby most nights after the wife has gone to bed (around 10pm) and I do so until I do the dream feed.  It feels good to be able to paint for a couple of hours most evenings.

 

Now, gaming is another thing in it's entirety.  Post lockdown I'm hoping to still get some games in, but I know that it'll be few and far between.

 

I think one of the most important things to do is to talk with your partner about the hobby and come up with some sort of plan.  Family comes first, but it's still important that you get that 'me' time.  Just know that having a little one is unpredictable; especially when it's your first.  Be open to taking some time away from the main hobby completely - especially for the first few months.  Reading is good, as is watching / listening to postcasts and the like - as it's something that you can do whilst you're holding / cuddling your little one.  They feel safe and secure, and you still get to have one foot in what you love.

 

Hope that helps, and congrats on joining the #hobbydad team!

[ThePenitentOne]

I'm not a dad, but I've been a youth rec leader for just about every age group/ ability level, and now I teach.

 

I have used 40k in both rec programs and in the classroom. It has helped me engage children and youth through painting, building, playing and reading. The game is great for math and numeracy skills, as well as reading and literacy skills. I have seen at risk youth become lifelong readers because of 40k. As a new dad, it'll be a while before you can play 40k with your kid(s), but once you can... You'll be able to do the thing you love ALL THE TIME, and it will still count as good parenting! No concussions!

 

So a few things: in a recent WD or community post, I saw a parent download a marine colouring sample; he let his kid design the colour scheme, and then he painted it on a model and blew the kid's mind. GW also is starting to market kid friendlier stuff, from books to models.

 

Consider buying lots of small collections of different factions and become the dad who runs the Crusade Campaign for your kid and all of their friends. If you have enough small forces, you can supply models until the hook is set deep enough that the kid wants to buy a box. Crusade, started at the Combat Patrol Level is easier for kids too- small forces. Talk to parents too- the hobby ain't cheap, and some parents might not be happy if you get them hooked. If you've got a buddy who is also a warhammer dad/ mom, you're set.

 

Also: Blackstone Fortress won't be around for much longer. It is the slow walk into 40k, and thankfully, that's still true even in 9th. The kid gets to play a single miniature- one that is very characterful, and can be seamlessly integrated into 40k. The Blackstone character could even become the leader of the kid's Crusade army! The reason I recommend Blackstone so highly is that it is a cooperative game- it fosters teamwork, not competition; starting with a cooperative game is the best thing you can do to make sure your kid doesn't grow up to be :cuss. The box set, and every expansion comes with a sealed envelope which contains the reward for completing the campaign- built in positive reinforcement + delayed gratification!

 

Finally: It is true that your kid may rebel against you and not embrace the hobby if you push too hard. Be prepared for the gamer dad plan to fail. A little bit of reverse psychology works here, especially when they're young. Play where they can see it- kids can't help but love toys, so it's likely to attract attention. When the kid asks to play, just introduce them to your army like you're telling a story. But give them hobby related things to do before you let them play. Spend an afternoon building cardboard ruins- let the kid experiment with creating their own textured paint and stucco the cardboard with it. Then dry brush it with them. Then they get to play on the battlefield they built.

[USNCenturion]

Um, OP wanted to know about balancing the hobby with a newborn as a first time dad, not ways to get older children into the hobby I think.

 

Lol nothing but love though penitent. Good ideas for the older neophytes.

[Atrus]

Everyone can have a different experience. For me, I've got a soon to be 3 year old and I haven't done any hobby since he was born really. The only time I've done any is when I've gotten the flu and got some relative freedom for 2 weeks. Aside from that, it's always been full on once they come.

When he was a newborn, I pretty much kissed the hobby goodbye as even if I had some free time, I was too tired to pull anything out for painting. Honestly, the Xbox has been my go to for downtime as it has no setup time and there's no little pieces that have to get put away lest little hands find them and put them in their mouth.

 

Coming up to 3 now and there's a little more freedom but still, it's a hell of a lot easier to turn on an Xbox than to pull out models and paints. My circle of faming friends are all in the same boT too, we all have young ones and no one has gamed like we used to for the past few years.

 

That's just my experience.

My advice would be to hold on loosely to the hobby. Each parent copes differently and each child is different. Some are angels and easy to look after and others are warp spawn that can keep you up all night. You can't know until you're at that point. Aim to be flexible and roll with what happens. Work with your partner. Everyone needs downtime sometime especially in those early days and it's not just from the bub, your partner can go through hormonal things too which can affect how she copes and by cause and affect, how you cope.

Just be flexible. If you get some free time by all means pull out your brush, but just know that sometimes even solidly laid plans for downtime can go up in smoke unexpectedly.

[templargdt]

First off, congratulations.  Becoming a father is an amazing experience and will alter your view of life.  

To be honest, it is going to be a challenge for you to find the time to do much hobby stuff, especially with a newborn.  It simply is the way it is.  When he or she gets a little older, life will return to a more regular pattern and you will have more time (unless you have more kids, which I recommend.)  On the plus side, as my kids have gotten older some of them have interest in the hobby, which is fun.

 

Contrast paints certainly help as it helps you get stuff done to an acceptable level faster.  I hate having unpainted models, personally.  

 

[Beachymike123]

Thank you so much guys, great advice and contributions from all. Luckily I have a mobile tray I use for painting, but I'll be looking out for the wet pallette and brush soap.

It's great to see the variety but similarities with the advice too. Baby will definitely be coming first, no questions, but I'll see how it goes from there. It won't even bother me if I have to dust them off first (chuckles to self in heretic). I also love the idea of paper mache craters etc - my partner isn't into the hobby but has painted scenery as she says it helps with her anxiety, so maybe family made battlefields for the win (way down the line though).

Thank you again everyone for the contributions. You've helped me immensely, even if it is thinking out how to arrange around my future lil heretic haha. Stay safe, and happy hobbying.

[archmagos]

Hi mate, congratulations on your upcoming fatherhood  My son just turned six months old and I can definitely say I've managed to find time for hobbying so far. Since he was about 2-3 months old he's been going to bed around 6:30. Of course every baby will be different, but for me that's meant I have a few hours free every evening for hobby or reading, which is very welcome. I'd imagine once lockdown opens up again my wife will grant me an evening or two per month for a game. Best of luck with everything!

[MasterDeath]

Hey, Father of two here (9 years and 6 month). Congrats for your fatherhood, it will be a ride.

 

1. Inform yourself about developement jumps childs have within the first year. These are hard times with much sleep depriviation.

2. If you keep on hobbying at an age of around 5-7 years, your child will notice. Have some sacrificial brushes and models at hand.

3. Reserve a time window for hobby purposes. Maybe 2-3 hours weekly, it will help your sanity. Your wife should also have this window somewhere, her sanity is your sanity.

4. Do not drop your hobbies. You need relaxation in between.

 

Enjoy your time with your baby, they grow up fast.

[Knightsword]

Becoming a dad is one of the best things that's happened to me, so congratulations! So far with my 16 month old I've found that hobby time fluctuates as others have said, so take advantage of whatever time you can find that fits in with your life. For me personally my hobby time at the below milestones worked out like this:

 

• For the first couple of weeks hobby time was none existent.
• After that for the first 3 months my daughter fell into a pattern of 4 hours of sleep then 1 hour awake time and I found plenty of time to paint and assemble around all the housework etc, but going out and gaming was still really difficult / nigh impossible.
• At around 4 months she was napping twice a day and sleeping through the night. So my hobby time shifted again to evenings and 1 hour in the morning, if I could drag myself out of bed on weekends.
• 6 months onward and her wake up time fluctuated and that weekend morning hobby time is pretty much gone. It was all evenings and any time during her day time naps on a weekend, after all housework type things had been done. Still little to no game time for me at this point.
• From around 9 months a semblance of normality was achieved with my partner going back to work and starting to do social stuff again.  We ended up having a system of taking it in turns to go out for social stuff outside of our shared social circle, so game time returned for one evening a week. This has worked really well for us and was achievable with her support for my hobby which has been a boost, and also our daughter consistently sleeping through the night.
• 11 months saw her transition to one nap a day so hobby time during the day on weekends decreased, but I still had evenings as above.
• At 16 months where we sit now it's pretty much still the same, with the exception that lockdown has affected going out to for game on an evening.

Edited June 20, 2020 by Knightsword

[Brother Argent]

As a father of four (about to be five any moment now) and working ten hour works days let me just say that it is possible to still hobby.  Admittedly as other have said it becomes a case of balancing hobby time with other real life obligations.  Indeed painting models is somewhat of an outlet to de stress and step aside mentally for a bit.  But nothing beats chatting with a six year old over what of "Daddy's models" are good guys and bad guys and ear them pontificate with great wisdom that tyranids are dinosaurs and how my green guys (orks) look funny.  Its important to still hold onto what makes you you.  Although you will now be a parent, an amazing and challenging journey, you are still you and both you and your significant other still need time without bub to be you and hold onto what little scraps of sanity are left as a parent.  If that is 40k for you, then discuss this with your partner and help them find their thing too.

 

On a more non hobby specific note; you are about to embark on one of the hardest but most rewarding journeys of your life.  Some days you will want to smother them in love, others simply smother them.  And trust me, you will never 'sleep in' again.  But as a sufferer of the male equivalent of Post Natal Depression (yes its real and it sucks) on my second child I know that you can do it, no matter how hard things might seem.  It can be a trial but there are few things more rewarding then your son or daughter giving you some picture they have drawn of you and them or listening to their games as they pretend to do whatever you are doing (I am a volunteer fire fighter so the amount of fire fighter games in my house is... excessive...).

 

In short, mate, hugest congrats, one Dad to another.  And if you ever need to chat just PM me.  Your life will never be the same.  But when you get that first genuine smile or when they come tell you they love you or want to give you a hug for no reason it makes it all worth while.

 

Congrats again mate.  Now I am off to calm down number three who just woke from a nightmare...

[jimbo1701]

Congrats! Being a first time father of a 6 year old and a doctor during Covid I have found my hobby time getting less and less. No face to face gaming during lockdown and the fact we had just started a YouTube channel (now on indefinite hold) doesn’t help either.

 

Having said this, I have managed to make time in the evenings for some hobby time, once baby and wife have gone to bed. This has helped a lot with keeping my hobby enthusiasm going of late.

 

It is obviously a huge change to life and priorities will shift but it’s equally important to look after yourselves and both have some down time to retain your sanity. If like me you find immersing in the hobby a great way to relax then it’s important to make time for this. (I have a friend who has 8 children and still he somehow gets time to paint and build his heresy / titanicus models!) Best of luck

[Khornestar]

I’m a new dad myself, 6 months in. It took about 5 months for my daughter to develop to the point I had much free time, and even now I don’t get much done at once. A little here and a little there, just to keep the hobby flame burning. We have no other family here and have a home to maintain and prioritize physical activity as a family to stay fit and healthy, so hobby time is rare and precious. Truly, living out the long war. ;)