Page 4 nautical is spelt Nnutical
After this upstart the status-quo remained for manyweeks. While threats weremade, forces mustered, plansdrawn up, noting of noteoccured
Then on one ill fated nightZG-Otdykha fell from thesky. There was not a singlesurvivor of the calamity. Nota single life-ballon wasloosed, a single request foraid sent, nothing
shoulders hung huge cloaks,festooned with animal pelts.They were festooned with allmanner of vicious weaponry.
feestooned twice, too close together. first one could be garbed, second one could be armed or brandished
The ramp hissed down and alone one of the great bronze-clad warriors that had beennightmarishly tearing theirway through the defenders ofZG-Zhertva for the past fewdays strode down thegangway
This reads a little awkwardly, maybe "and a lone member of the great bronze-clad...."
I've haven't looked through any of the units though.
Feel free to disregard, but the two halves felt a little disjointed to me. As the reader, I *KNEW* that the XXth woud show up on Vozdokh Glavnaya, but the transition felt....I don't Know the work I'm looking for.....
Again, just a suggestion, but maybe open with the planet section of the lore, then transition into the XXth's origins and details, I think it may transition a little more naturally.
Don't misunderstand me either, both sections of the lore work as they are, it was just the transition the drew me out of the story.
Edited by Grotsmasha, 18 November 2020 - 03:36 AM.