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Grim Knights of Grimm Nights

Humor Unknown Primarch Unknown Founding EPIC FAIL

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#1
Bjorn Firewalker

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For some reason, I felt compelled to create the most pathetic Space Marine Chapter EVER, hoping to inspire 4chan to make them the new Pretty Marines. Here goes!

Compilation of statements from Captain Siggebt Serlo of the Grim Knights Chapter, to Inquisitor Gerfotton Long of the Ordo Astartes; recorded between 056 and 060.M42.

NAME: "Grim Knights of Grimm Nights" is the official name; it's written on our underwear. "Grimm Knights of Grim Nights", "Grim Nights of Grimm Knights", and "Grimm Nights of Grim Knights" are common typos. Seriously, what the hell was the First Chapter Master thinking, when he chose so confusing a name?

PRIMARCH: Unknown. The Grim Knights of Grimm Nights have claimed to be descendants of each and every one of the Primarchs, at various phases in its history; but the Dark Angels, White Scars, Space Wolves, Imperial Fists, Blood Angels, Iron Hands, Ultramarines, Salamanders, Raven Guard, and all their Successor Chapters deny any bonds of blood with the Grim Knights.

GENE-SEED: Ah, you heard of us? From other First Founding Chapters? Oh, happy day, to know our brothers, whoever they are, have acknowledged...! Wait, their records state our gene-seed has degenerated, leaving us no stronger, faster, better, or harder than an unaugmented human? That is a lie! We are Astartes, with the same strength, speed, superiority, and durability as any other Marine! Prove it, how? Crush this monkey skull with my bare hands? Fine, just you watch, I am going to crush it! Just you... Ahhhh! The bone fragments cut my hand!

FOUNDING: Second. Hey, Marines in these colors appeared during that time, so the Grim Knights must be of that Founding. What do you mean there were others? The Grey Knights? The Fists Exemplar?! Impossible, the Grim Knights of Grimm Nights are the first and only...!

SYMBOL: A white skull... Actually, it's just the Codex symbol designating a Marine who serves a role in the Command squad, worn on the left pauldron. The First Chapter Master had no imagination.

COLORS: The gray of bare ceramite. Apothecaries, Chaplains, Librarians, and Techmarines are identified via the color of their pauldrons; they ceased painting their entire suits in the Codex-mandated colors, after this led their battle-brothers to misidentify and then shoot at them, early in the Chapter's history. Chapter Masters have ordered the Chapter to adopt new colors, only for his successor to reverse the orders, due to...

SPECIALTY: Hit and run... I think. We charge towards our enemies, point our fingers and shout, "Bang!" to make them flee for their lives. That suffices in one percent of our encounters with hostile forces; in the other 99 percent, the other side will actually shoot at us, and make us flee for our lives. I wish we could afford some boltshells- we would win more often if we could shoot at our enemies- but the Chapter suffered devastating losses in the War of the Beast, and has yet to recover. Any chance you can get us a strike cruiser or ten, maybe even a battle barge? You have to justify your expenses, or the Lord Inquisitor will punish you for wasting the resources of His Immortal Majesty's Most Holy...?

BATTLE CRY: We have a battle cry? I mean, "Fight, fight, fight!" No, Brother Largo, "Go for the beer!" is unacceptable as an Astartes battle cry, as it is...!

BELIEFS: "To serve the Emperor and His Imperium, like any other of His servants, is the highest honor," according to our current Chapter Master. So please, fellow servants of the Emperor, give us some love and attention!

HOMEWORLD: Grimm, a heavily forested planet in Segmentum Obscurus... Wait, it's in Ultima Segmentum now? Are you sure you didn't misread the star charts? What opportunity are you seeking? "Yoink human and material resources from right under the Ultramarines' noses"? "No one will notice"? Are you sure...? Wait, someone has noticed! Flee, flee for our lives! Abandon the thieves and let them pay the price for their own crimes!

Anyways, Grimm is a heavily forested planet, with freshwater oceans covering 50% of the planet's surface, allowing its human- and Astartes- inhabitants to subsist on farming, hunting, lumber, and fishing. Those outside the Chapter, maintain a technology level equivalent to that of Holy Terra during 800.M2, with small steam engines and flintlock firearms in common use. The equator has a giant volcano named "Be Careful What You Wish For", which now smokes where the Chapter's first fortress-monastery once stood; please do not ask about it.

Grimm has a moon, named "Mother Goose" for the strip mines on its surface, which resemble feathers when viewed from the planetary surface. The Chapter has a shipyard there; after we lost our fleet and our first fortress-monastery, we rebuilt the shipyard into a keep, named, "Sweet Home II". It is very cramped in here- I have to choose between sleeping in my armor, or sleeping atop my armor like it is the galaxy's most uncomfortable futon, as no one has quarters big enough for both a bed and an armor stand- but it is home, just like we named it.

RECRUITMENT: The Chapter operates 90 unarmed shuttles, in addition to ten gunships. When a Grim Knights Company needs to recruit and replace its losses, an unarmed shuttle will be painted white, with the words "FREE CANDY!!!" in black block letters on its sides; its crewmen will paint their armor in bright colors. This shuttle will then land near Grimm's human settlements; the crew will attempt to entice children onboard, for abduction and transport to the Sweet Home II.

FLEET: The Grim Knights currently operate ten space doggers- is that not a cool name? The space doggers are 440-meter-long Warp-capable trawlers, designed to land on water, pull trawl nets, and process the catch in their onboard canneries; they financially sustain the Chapter. We got a good deal from Rogue Trader Yankee, getting ten ships for ten suits of Terminator armor. Warships? Well, we painted the cranes to look like lances, to scare off pirates; though our best defense is to flee for our lives. Fight the pirates? We can barely afford any boltshells! I am frequently forced to shout, "Bang!" instead of actually shooting anything, and I am a Captain! How are the 50 Marines aboard each trawler, supposed to fight?! Captain Sinistral tried using harsh words to hurt the pirates' feelings, only to get his butt kicked! Yes, Captain Sinistral was an Astartes, what did that have to do with the fight?!

You want to know about the ships we were assigned at the Founding? Well, we had a battle barge and nine strike cruisers; we lost them all in the War of the Beast, and the Adeptus Mechanicus refused to replace them.

Addendum, dated 062.M42.

Inquisitor Gerfotton Long demanded and received access to records held aboard the Rogue Trader vessel Pride of the Yankees. According to an entry in Zephyr Yankee's journal, dated 707.M34, the space doggers were exchanged for the Grim Knights' remaining suits of Terminator armor, which were resold to wealthy collectors in Segmentum Obscurus. Zephyr Yankee also provided contact information for the forge world of Hartford, expecting the Grim Knights to sail there so the space doggers may be refitted as gunboats; no further entries mention the new Chapter fleet.

Inquisitor Long suspected the Grim Knights' poverty was the reason the Chapter failed to reacquire warships; during his time with the Marines, he noted they were more concerned with earning what they described as "beer money," avoiding battles they deemed unprofitable. The Imperium was fortunate the Grim Knights did not resort to piracy, as the Marines repeatedly demonstrated a cowadice that would make them difficult to pin down and eradicate.

Report from Inquisitor Gerfotton Long, to the Ordo Astartes, dated 062.M42.

HISTORY: The history of the Grim Knights of Grimm Nights is one ignored, overlooked, and outright forgotten, despite the Marines' efforts to draw attention and win fame- even infamy, as when they claimed to be "secretly descended from one of the Unknown Primarchs" in an attempt to appear "mysterious" a millennium before the Age of Apostasy.

The Grim Knights have garrisoned Grimm since the Great Scouring. The Chapter claims it lacks records for how this came to be; during my time there, I suggested to various Grim Knights the Chapter conquered the planet during the Great Crusade, seized it from another faction during the Horus Heresy, was entrusted with it for safekeeping, or was given it in payment for some service, only for the listeners to shrug and say, "Eh, maybe." (The Grim Knights' apathy towards this critical phase of their own history, infuriates me.) The planet's human inhabitants lack any records older than 2000 years old, as their low technology level allows the ink with which they write records, and the paper on which these are written, to fade and rot away.

The Chapter attempted to return to the limelight during the War of the Beast, sending its entire fleet towards Holy Terra, only to lose the ships in the Warp, making no contribution to the Imperium's eventual victory. The Grim Knights who stayed behind to garrison Grimm, held a "contest of fortitude and strength" in which each Chapter Master candidate for the position would drink a half-liter measure of beer before arm wrestling another candidate, repeating these actions until they determined a winner. Tryhard Cork won the contest, and promotion from Sergeant to Chapter Master.

Cork's first order as Chapter Master, was to rebuild the Chapter fleet- within a fortnight, disregarding the fact a fully equipped and supplied shipyard required years of work to build a frigate, to say nothing of strike cruisers and battle barges several times a frigate's size. The Adeptus Mechanicus was unwilling or unable to answer Chapter Master- who disregarded the time required to send and receive astropathic communications- so Cork decided to perform a "luck boosting" ritual and "wish" for the lost ships' return. The Chapter's remaining records stated the ritual involved with binge drinking; I suspect forbidden Warpcraft and the involvement of Warp entities, as Warp energy emanates from the volcano that erupted within the Grim Knights' first fortress-monastery. Cork, the Grim Knights' senior officers, and the fortress-monastery were destroyed when a space hulk composed of the Chapter fleet's shipwrecks, crashed into them, creating the volcano the surviving Marines named "Be Careful What You Wish For" as a reminder.

Subsequently, the greater Imperium forgot the Grim Knights; the only ones who even remembered the Chapter planet, were Rogue Traders of the Yankee dynasty, who sold the planet's lumber, fish and game offworld, in exchange for mundane goods the relatively primitive human inhabitants considered rare luxuries. In M35, the Grim Knights convinced the Rogue Traders to provide space doggers with which to form a new Chapter fleet and, in Grim Knights Captain Siggebt Serlo's words, "Set sail for adventure! And hopefully, some attention. Oh, and beer money! We cannot forget the beer money!"

If the cowardice the Grim Knights demonstrated now was any indication, the Marines likely avoided fighting any glorious battles that could have won them the attention they desired from the Imperium and its enemies, forcing the Chapter to languish in obscurity. Its members resorted to claiming, "The Grim Knights are secretly descended from one of the Unknown Primarchs," when other Chapters asked for their identities; in Captain Serlo's words, "That made us mysterious, and people want to know more about us!" This desperate attempt to draw attention- even in the form of an Inquisitorial investigation- ended when Inquistor Ronan Allenson laughed in then Chapter Master Yiell James' face, before ordering, "Stop wasting the precious time of His Immortal Majesty's Most Holy Inquisition."

During the Age of Apostasy, the Grim Knights lost nine Chapter Masters in nine years, due to a shameful act the Chapter refused to acknowledge or even remember; I discovered this by chance, as the papers on which this secret history was written, were stored in a refresher, apparently for use as toilet tissue. (To avoid alerting my hosts, I told the Grim Knights I was replacing the tissues they used, with a brand that would not irritate my skin. The Marines expressed no doubt toward my motivations, suggesting they were gullible fools- or skilled actors, directing me towards false evidence to discredit me- I find these possibilities equally disturbing.)

In M36, Grim Knights Chapter Master Ward Matthias claimed, "The Chapter was secretly Founded with Traitor gene-seed." As it was fashionable to claim a "shameful past" for which one must "make restitution" during the Age of Apostasy, Chapter Master Matthias likely wished to appear "edgy," and draw attention. The first to answer such claims was the Emperor's Children warband "Emperor's Bollocks", which attempted to make the Grim Knights worship the same false god as its members; this attempt ended when Chapter Master Matthias attempted to "get the ultimate high" of what I assume is the false god's regard, by inserting an atomic artillery shell into his large intestine; the shell detonated, killed the Chapter Master, destroyed his command squad and the Emperor's Bollocks warband.

The Grim Knights promoted Goto Cassern from Lieutenant to Chapter Master. Cassern did not rescind his predecessor's claims, possibly due to lack of interest; the former Vanguard Veteran's journals expressed no interest in anything but multilasers, which he forced upon the Chapter, despite the weapon not being included in a Codex Chapter's armory, making Marines unfamiliar with their use and maintenance. When the Iron Warriors warband "Blades of Ruin" launched a slave raid against Grimm, Chapter Master Cassern challenged the enemy warlord to single combat,

WIP
Spoiler

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 12 September 2021 - 07:18 PM.

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Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#2
Brother Lunkhead

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laugh.png thumbsup.gif ..... Looking forward to laughing at more of this.


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#3
Bjorn Firewalker

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Edited the OP to provide details on the Chapter fleet:

FLEET: The Grim Knights currently operate ten space trawlers- Warp-capable ships designed to land on water, pull trawls, and process the resulting fish in their onboard canneries- which financially sustain the Chapter. We got a good deal from Forge World Yankee, getting ten ships for ten suits of Terminator armor. Warships? Well, we painted the cranes to look like lances, to scare off pirates; though our best defense is to flee for our lives. Fight the pirates? We can barely afford boltshells! We're frequently forced to shout, "Bang!" instead of actually shooting anything! How are the 50 Marines aboard each trawler, supposed to fight?! Captain Sinistral tried using harsh words to hurt the pirates' feelings, only to get his butt kicked! Yes, Captain Sinistral was an Astartes, what does that have to do with the fight?! You say the Emperor created the Astartes to...?

Yes, the Grim Knights are so cheap, they'll actually shout, "Bang!" in a firefight, instead of firing their guns.
Spoiler

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 14 August 2021 - 03:54 AM.

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Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#4
Bjorn Firewalker

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Added the following:

HISTORY: The history of the Grim Knights of Grimm Nights is one ignored, overlooked, and outright forgotten, despite the Marines' efforts to draw attention and win fame- even infamy, as when the Chapter claimed to be "secretly founded with Traitor gene-seed" in an attempt to appear "edgy" during the Age of Apostasy, only for the Emperor's Children, Iron Warriors, Night Haunters, World Eaters, Death Guard, Thousand Sons, Black Legion, Word Bearers, and Alpha Legion to shun them.

Yes, the Grim Knights are so pathetic, the Chaos Gods want NOTHING to do with them.

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 14 August 2021 - 04:11 AM.

Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#5
Bjorn Firewalker

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Just had an idea: The Grim Knights had female Chapter Masters- NOT female Space Marines, but mortal women the Chapter's officers nominated to the position, to serve as cute mascots and spokespersons who, hopefully, will win the Marines the attention they desperately desire.

The female Chapter Masters generally act like Japanese idol singers, performing songs and dances to raise the Marines' morale- in short, like this:

They're not expected to take command in battle, but the Grim Knights are so stupid, any decision the female Chapter Master makes, will be more sensible in comparison.

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 14 August 2021 - 02:51 PM.

Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#6
Bjorn Firewalker

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Added the following details re: The Chapter planet:

Grimm is a heavily forested planet, with freshwater oceans covering 50% of the planet's surface, allowing its human- and Astartes- inhabitants to subsist on farming, hunting, lumber, and fishing. Those outside the Chapter, maintain a technology level equivalent to that of Holy Terra during 800.M2, with small steam engines and flintlock firearms in common use. The equator has a giant volcano named "Be Careful What You Wish For", which stands where the Chapter's first fortress-monastery once stood; please don't ask about it.

If you insist on asking,
Spoiler

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 15 August 2021 - 02:20 AM.

Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#7
Bjorn Firewalker

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Added more details:

Grimm has a moon, named "Mother Goose" for the strip mines on its surface, which resemble feathers when viewed from the planetary surface. The Chapter built a shipyard there; after we lost our fleet and our first fortress-monastery, we rebuilt the shipyard into a keep, named, "Sweet Home". It's very cramped in here- I have to choose between sleeping in my armor, or sleeping atop my armor like it's the galaxy's most uncomfortable futon, as no one has quarters big enough for both a bed and an armor stand- but it's home, just like we named it.


Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#8
Bjorn Firewalker

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As the IA is not written from a neutral POV, I felt it necessary to add this opening sentence:

(Report from Captain Siggebt Serlo of the Grim Knights Chapter, to Inquisitor Gerfotton Long of the Ordo Astartes; dictated over a four-year period, ending in 060.M42.)

Get it?
Spoiler

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 15 August 2021 - 04:36 AM.

Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#9
Bjorn Firewalker

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Added the following details re: The Chapter history:

(Report from Inquisitor Gerfotton Long to the Ordo Astartes, dated 062.M42.)

HISTORY: The history of the Grim Knights of Grimm Nights is one ignored, overlooked, and outright forgotten, despite the Marines' efforts to draw attention and win fame- even infamy, as when they claimed to be "secretly descended from one of the Unknown Primarchs" in an attempt to appear "mysterious" a millennium before the Age of Apostasy- that attempt to make the Inquisition investigate them, ended when Inquistor Ronan Allenson laughed in Chapter Master Yiell James' face, before ordering the Grim Knights to stop wasting the precious time of His Immortal Majesty's Most Holy Inquisition.

The Grim Knights have garrisoned Grimm since the Great Scouring. The Chapter claims it lacks records for how this came to be; during my time on Grimm, I suggested to various Grim Knights the Chapter conquered planet during the Great Crusade, seized it from another faction during the Horus Heresy, was entrusted with it for safekeeping, or was given it in payment for some service, only for the listeners to shrug and say, "Eh, maybe." (The Grim Knights' apathy towards this critical phase of their own history, infuriates me.) The planet's human inhabitants lack any records older than 2000 years old, as their low technology level allows the ink with which they write records, and the paper on which these are written, to fade and rot away.

The Chapter attempted to return to the limelight during the War of the Beast, sending its entire fleet towards Holy Terra, only to lose the ships in the Warp, making no contribution to the Imperium's eventual victory. The Grim Knights who stayed behind to garrison Grimm, held a "contest of fortitude and strength" in which each candidate for the position of Chapter Master, would each drink a half-liter measure of beer before arm wrestling another candidate. Tryhard Cork won the contest, and promotion from Sergeant to Chapter Master.


Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 15 August 2021 - 07:14 PM.

Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#10
Bjorn Firewalker

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Added more details:

Cork's first order as Chapter Master, was to rebuild the Chapter fleet- within a fortnight, disregarding the fact a fully equipped and well-supplied shipyard required years of work to build a frigate, to say nothing of strike cruisers and battle barges several times a frigate's size. The Adeptus Mechanicus was unwilling or unable to answer Chapter Master- who disregarded the time required to send and receive astropathic communications- so Cork decided to perform a "luck boosting" ritual and "wish" for the lost ships' return. The Chapter's remaining records stated the ritual involved with binge drinking; I suspect forbidden Warpcraft and the involvement of Warp entities, as Warp energy emanates from the volcano that erupted within the Grim Knights' first fortress-monastery. Cork, the Grim Knights' senior officers, and the fortress-monastery were destroyed when a space hulk- composed of the Chapter fleet's shipwrecks- crashed into them, creating the volcano the surviving Marines named "Be Careful What You Wish For", as a reminder.


Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 15 August 2021 - 07:32 PM.

Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#11
Bjorn Firewalker

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Added the following details re: The Chapter fleet:

Addendum to Captain Siggebt Serlo's report, dated 062.M42.

Inquisitor Gerfotton Long demanded and received access to records held aboard the Rogue Trader vessel Pride of the Yankees. According to an entry in Zephyr Yankee's journal, dated 707.M34, the space doggers were exchanged for the Grim Knights' remaining suits of Terminator armor, which were resold to wealthy collectors in Segmentum Obscurus. Zephyr Yankee also provided contact information for forge world of Hartford, expecting the Grim Knights to sail there so the space doggers may be refitted as gunboats; no further entries mention the new Chapter fleet.

Inquisitor Long suspects the Grim Knights' poverty is the reason the Chapter failed to reacquire warships; during his time with the Marines, he noted they were more concerned with earning what they described as "beer money", avoiding battles as being unprofitable. The Imperium is fortunate the Grim Knights did not resort to piracy, as the Marines repeatedly demonstrated a cowadice that would make them difficult to pin down and eradicate.

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 15 August 2021 - 10:13 PM.

Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#12
Bjorn Firewalker

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And the following details re: The Chapter history:

Subsequently, the greater Imperium forgot the Grim Knights; the only ones who even remembered the Chapter planet, were Rogue Traders of the Yankee dynasty, who sold the planet's lumber, fish and game offworld, in exchange for mundane goods the relatively primitive human inhabitants consider rare luxuries. In M35, the Grim Knights convinced the Rogue Traders to provide space doggers- Warp-capable fishing vessels- with which to form a new Chapter fleet, and in Grim Knights Captain Siggebt Serlo's words, "Set sail for adventure! And hopefully, some attention. Oh, and beer money! We cannot forget the beer money!"

If the cowardice the Grim Knights demonstrated now was any indication, the Marines likely avoided fighting any glorious battles that could have won them the attention they desired from the Imperium and its enemies, forcing the Chapter to languish in obscurity. Its members resorted to claiming, "The Grim Knights are secretly descended from one of the Unknown Primarchs," when other Chapters asked for their identities; in Captain Serlo's words, "That made us 'mysterious,' and people want to know more about us!" This desperate attempt to draw attention- even in the form of an Inquisitorial investigation- ended when Inquistor Ronan Allenson laughed in then Chapter Master Yiell James' face, before ordering, "Stop wasting the precious time of His Immortal Majesty's Most Holy Inquisition."


Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 15 August 2021 - 10:42 PM.

Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#13
Bjorn Firewalker

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Added more details:

During the Age of Apostasy, the Grim Knights lost nine Chapter Masters in nine years, due to a shameful act the Chapter refuses to acknowledge or even remember; I discovered this by chance, as the papers on which this secret history was written, were stored in a refresher, apparently for use as toilet tissue. (To avoid alerting my hosts, I told the Grim Knights I was replacing the tissues they used, with a brand that would not irritate my skin. The Marines expressed no doubt toward my motivations, suggesting they were gullible fools- or skilled actors who wished to direct me towards false evidence, with which they may discredit me- I find both possibilities equally disturbing.)

In M36, Grim Knights Chapter Master Ward Matthias claimed, "The Chapter was secretly Founded with Traitor gene-seed." As it was fashionable to claim a "shameful past" for which one must "make restitution" during the Age of Apostasy, Chapter Master Matthias likely wished to appear "edgy" and draw attention.


Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 16 August 2021 - 06:51 AM.

Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#14
Bjorn Firewalker

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And more:

The first to answer such claims was the Emperor's Children warband "Emperor's Bollocks", which attempted to make the Grim Knights worship the false god that was the Traitor Marines' patron; the attempt failed when Chapter Master Matthias attempted to "get the ultimate high" of what I assume is the false god's regard, by implanting an atomic artillery shell in his large intestine; the shell detonated, killed the Chapter Master, destroyed his command squad and the Emperor's Bollocks warband.


Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 16 August 2021 - 06:40 PM.

Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#15
Bjorn Firewalker

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Added the following:

SPECIALTY: Hit and run... I think. We charge towards our enemies, point our fingers and shout, "Bang!" to make them flee for their lives. That suffices in one percent of our encounters with hostile forces; in the other 99 percent, the other side will actually shoot at us, and make us flee for our lives. I wish we could afford some boltshells- we would win more often if we could shoot at our enemies- but the Chapter suffered devastating losses in the War of the Beast, and we have yet to recover. Any chance you can get us a strike cruiser or ten, maybe even a battle barge? You have to justify your expenses, or the Lord Inquisitor will punish you for wasting the resources of His Immortal Majesty's Most Holy...?

RECRUITMENT: The Chapter operates 90 unarmed shuttles, in addition to ten gunships. When a Grim Knights Company needs to recruit and replace its losses, an unarmed shuttle will be painted white, with the words "FREE CANDY!!!" in black block letters on its sides; its crewmen will paint their armor in bright colors. This shuttle will then land near Grimm's human settlements; the crew will attempt to entice children onboard, for abduction and transport to the Sweet Home II.

Perhaps the Grim Knights should adopt the Pedobear as a Chapter symbol?
Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#16
Bjorn Firewalker

Bjorn Firewalker

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The "Chapter History" section's next addition, will feature the Iron Warriors warband "Blades of Ruin", which also appeared in the IA for Bruce Malcom's Imperial Shields.

Hmmmm...which LASC 2019 Chapter could take [the Imperial Shields fortress-monastery] Revival Palace? This isn't an ego-boosting question; I just love hearing people creating stuff and putting them head-to-head.

Idea: Any two-bit enemy force can take the Revival Palace... and then they will all die in agony, as the Palace is but a decoy, like Perturabo's Eternal Fortress; the unlikely foe who "takes it" will face the Emperor's judgment when it self-destructs.

Meanwhile, the Shields are eating popcorn as they critique their foolish enemy's performance in the relative safety of their TRUE fortress-monastery, a preexisting command center deep within Aerchus, which the Marines took over because it's full of archeotech they MUST NOT let fall into enemy hands.

Taking plays out of a Traitor's playbook? I'm going to be right back...yes, Inquisitor! Right over here!

Warsmith Rian, of the Iron Warriors warband "Blades of Ruin," descended from his Thunderhawk to greet Inquisitor Matthias Warden of the Ordo Hereticus, the traitor who granted him access to this Son of Dorn fortress-monastery. The Son of Perturabo ignored the still-burning wrecks of the two Thunderhawks that escorted his, and the still-bleeding bodies of his Honor Guards, as he demanded, "Where?"

"The Imperial Shields gene-seed vaults are in Basement Level 50!" Warden shouted, making himself heard over the roar of the Earthshaker cannons he brought to the Loyalist Chapter's fortress-monastery under the guise of "assisting the Imperial Shields in defense of the Emperor's realm."

"As there are 100 basement levels, our Hades breaching drills cannot bypass the Revival Palace's defen- Take cover!" With that, the Inquisitor threw himself facedown onto the landing pad's sunbaked metal surface, burning his face in the process.

Boom! An Earthshaker shell buried itself near the Warsmith, reducing the landing pad to a crater; a second detonated overhead, showering Rian with shrapnel, which made his iron halo flare as its conversion field struggled to protect him.

'The Sheep of Dorn called down an artillery barrage on their own position. Admirable, for Sheep.' Rian turned to see his own Thunderhawk reduced to a burning wreck. 'How inconvenient.' "Iron Savior, this is the Warsmith," he called to the grand cruiser in geostationary orbit above the fortress-monastery. "Will you kindly remove the enemy artillery assailing my position?" The Iron Savior's lance batteries fired in response, reducing the forests ringing the Revival Palace to ash. "And send down another Thunderhawk." Rian's sabaton "gently nudged" the Inquisitor, sending him flying towards the fortress-monastery's main gates.

"Get up. Lead the way."

***

The journey to the gene-seed vaults was unsettling in its silence. Inquisitorial acolytes with their badges of office turned over to reveal the Blades of Ruin warband insignia, Astra Militarum guardsmen with the eight-point Chaos Star defacing the Aquila, Iron Warriors slave-soldiers and even Space Marines lay on every floor, their spilled blood mingling with that of Imperial Shields combat servitors- never with that of the Loyalist Marines, who were conspicuous in their absence from their own fortress-monastery.

A whirring noise interrupted the traitors as they reached Basement Level 50. "Death to the...!" Rian fired one boltshell into the approaching servitor's head, interrupting what was undoubtedly a grandiose speech a Son of Dorn copied from a Son of Guilliman, swearing vengeance upon the intruders.

"Finally, things are going my way," the Warsmith said upon seeing the multi-melta mounted in place of the slave-machine's right arm, which he sawed off and took with him.

'There!' The vaults' adamantium doors remained standing after the Inquistorial Storm Troopers expended all the melta bombs they brought, and after the Inquisitor's inferno pistol and the Warsmith's commandeered multi-melta's ammunition canisters were exhausted; Rian was forced to use the servo-arms fitted to his Tactical Dreadnought armor, to tear the half-melted doors from their hinges.

A familiar-looking metal plate lay behind the vault doors, with the words "We learned a lesson at Sebastus IV, and will teach the same to our guests" engraved upon it.

"What does it mean?" Warden wondered aloud. Rian answered with a gasp, once the Warsmith identified the curved metal plate as an Imperator Bomb casing.

***

As the mushroom cloud rose from the decoy fortress-monastery's remains, Captain Fordarris, of Imperial Shields' Eighth Company, finished chewing a popcorn ball. "What do you think?" he asked Chaplain Hammark.

"Mediocre." The Chaplain's answer seemed halfhearted, as his attention was on the report confirming the Iron Warriors traitor's grand cruiser was destroyed. "I rate his performance at 42 percent of what a competent foe should offer."

"It is almost a pity we had to expend the decoy on so mediocre an enemy- almost."

Perturabo's sons will have as much fun beating up the Grim Knights, as they do headbutting bottles of nitroglycerin, i.e., none at all.

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 19 August 2021 - 06:28 PM.

  • Bruce Malcom likes this
Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#17
Bruce Malcom

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The "Chapter History" section's next addition, will feature the Iron Warriors warband "Blades of Ruin", which also appeared in the IA for Bruce Malcom's Imperial Shields.

Hmmmm...which LASC 2019 Chapter could take [the Imperial Shields fortress-monastery] Revival Palace? This isn't an ego-boosting question; I just love hearing people creating stuff and putting them head-to-head.

Idea: Any two-bit enemy force can take the Revival Palace... and then they will all die in agony, as the Palace is but a decoy, like Perturabo's Eternal Fortress; the unlikely foe who "takes it" will face the Emperor's judgment when it self-destructs.

Meanwhile, the Shields are eating popcorn as they critique their foolish enemy's performance in the relative safety of their TRUE fortress-monastery, a preexisting command center deep within Aerchus, which the Marines took over because it's full of archeotech they MUST NOT let fall into enemy hands.

Taking plays out of a Traitor's playbook? I'm going to be right back...yes, Inquisitor! Right over here!

Warsmith Rian, of the Iron Warriors warband "Blades of Ruin," descended from his Thunderhawk to greet Inquisitor Matthias Warden of the Ordo Hereticus, the traitor who granted him access to this Son of Dorn fortress-monastery. The Son of Perturabo ignored the still-burning wrecks of the two Thunderhawks that escorted his, and the still-bleeding bodies of his Honor Guards, as he demanded, "Where?"

"The Imperial Shields gene-seed vaults are in Basement Level 50!" Warden shouted, making himself heard over the roar of the Earthshaker cannons he brought to the Loyalist Chapter's fortress-monastery under the guise of "assisting the Imperial Shields in defense of the Emperor's realm."

"As there are 100 basement levels, our Hades breaching drills cannot bypass the Revival Palace's defen- Take cover!" With that, the Inquisitor threw himself facedown onto the landing pad's sunbaked metal surface, burning his face in the process.

Boom! An Earthshaker shell buried itself near the Warsmith, reducing the landing pad to a crater; a second detonated overhead, showering Rian with shrapnel, which made his iron halo flare as its conversion field struggled to protect him.

'The Sheep of Dorn called down an artillery barrage on their own position. Admirable, for Sheep.' Rian turned to see his own Thunderhawk reduced to a burning wreck. 'How inconvenient.' "Iron Savior, this is the Warsmith," he called to the grand cruiser in geostationary orbit above the fortress-monastery. "Will you kindly remove the enemy artillery assailing my position?" The Iron Savior's lance batteries fired in response, reducing the forests ringing the Revival Palace to ash. "And send down another Thunderhawk." Rian's sabaton "gently nudged" the Inquisitor, sending him flying towards the fortress-monastery's main gates.

"Get up. Lead the way."

***

The journey to the gene-seed vaults was unsettling in its silence. Inquisitorial acolytes with their badges of office turned over to reveal the Blades of Ruin warband insignia, Astra Militarum guardsmen with the eight-point Chaos Star defacing the Aquila, Iron Warriors slave-soldiers and even Space Marines lay on every floor, their spilled blood mingling with that of Imperial Shields combat servitors- never with that of the Loyalist Marines, who were conspicuous in their absence from their own fortress-monastery.

A whirring noise interrupted the traitors as they reached Basement Level 50. "Death to the...!" Rian fired one boltshell into the approaching servitor's head, interrupting what was undoubtedly a grandiose speech a Son of Dorn copied from a Son of Guilliman, swearing vengeance upon the intruders.

"Finally, things are going my way," the Warsmith said upon seeing the multi-melta mounted in place of the slave-machine's right arm, which he sawed off and took with him.

'There!' The vaults' adamantium doors remained standing after the Inquistorial Storm Troopers expended all the melta bombs they brought, and after the Inquisitor's inferno pistol and the Warsmith's commandeered multi-melta's ammunition canisters were exhausted; Rian was forced to use the servo-arms fitted to his Tactical Dreadnought armor, to tear the half-melted doors from their hinges.

A familiar-looking metal plate lay behind the vault doors, with the words "We learned a lesson at Sebastus IV, and will teach the same to our guests" engraved upon it.

"What does it mean?" Warden wondered aloud. Rian answered with a gasp, once the Warsmith identified the curved metal plate as an Imperator Bomb casing.

***

As the mushroom cloud rose from the decoy fortress-monastery's remains, Captain Fordarris, of Imperial Shields' Eighth Company, finished chewing a popcorn ball. "What do you think?" he asked Chaplain Hammark.

"Mediocre." The Chaplain's answer seemed halfhearted, as his attention was on the report confirming the Iron Warriors traitor's grand cruiser was destroyed. "I rate his performance at 42 percent of what a competent foe should offer."

"It is almost a pity we had to expend the decoy on so mediocre an enemy- almost."

Perturabo's sons will have as much fun beating up the Grim Knights, as they do headbutting bottles of nitroglycerin, i.e., none at all.

 

Not at all expecting this ping lol

 

Nice work though.


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#18
Bjorn Firewalker

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Not at all expecting this ping lol

Nice work though.

Thank you.
  • Bruce Malcom likes this
Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).

#19
Bjorn Firewalker

Bjorn Firewalker

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Added the following:

GENE-SEED: Ah, you heard of us? From other First Founding Chapters? Oh, happy day, to know our brothers, whoever they are, have acknowledged...! Wait, their records state our gene-seed has degenerated, leaving us no stronger, faster, better, or harder than an unaugmented human? That is a lie! We are Astartes, with the same strength, speed, superiority, and durability as any other Marine! Prove it, how? Crush this monkey skull with my bare hands? Fine, just you watch, I am going to crush it! Just you... Ahhhh! The bone fragments cut my hand!

Spoiler

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 12 September 2021 - 07:20 PM.

Previous projects: Wolves of Catachan (the Wolfbrothers Chapter reborn), Steel Crusaders (Codex: Iron Hands), Iron-hearted Angels (Codex: Blood Angels supplement).

Current projects: Knights of Renaissance (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Marines), Grim Knights of Grimm Nights (Red vs. Blue Marines).





Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Humor, Unknown Primarch, Unknown Founding, EPIC FAIL

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