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Oll Persson working on Paleolithic Les Eyzies cave art


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#1
Just123456

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What would you all think of a story where Oll Persson works on a lot of the Paleolithic Les Eyzies cave art with a man named Giraud, Giraud's girlfriend, his best friend and brother and one day a bear mauled and slaughtered Giraud and Oll Persson paid his respects before leaving? Oll Persson migrated from Iraq in the Middle East to Europe when his native group banished him after they realized he did not grow old and was unable to die.

What can I do to improve the story?

#2
Mazer Rackham

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I think the best thing to do to improve it, is to make it more 40k(ish) relevant.  At the moment we have a very tenuous link to the setting, which could serve to be strengthened.  You could easily do this by altering it to make the cave paintings on a world from Oll's travels amongst the stars, and changing the bear to some kind of alien beast, perhaps a small clutch of Gretchin or something.

 

You could even tie this in to Dan Abnett's Horus Rising, where the map of Old Terra found by the Luna Wolves was left by Oll and his buddies before he cleared out.  You could then put as much or as little of your own story over this as you liked.

 

If you don't want to do that, you're going to have to tie the story in to some other point during the time of Old Earth, or Old Night (etc) to keep it close to board approved content.


He may say that what he wants is to win the war...

...But what he really wants, is for the enemy to die.

 

My new non-40K book about railguns and powered armour is available now: The Ares Gambit.

My grimdark non-40k book about maniacs with jetpacks and assault rifles is also still around: Children of The Glyph.


#3
Just123456

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Warhammer as a setting is for entertainment. As is every other fictional setting. That is the same with my story.

And humans of the Upper Paleolithic were as intelligent as we are and basically were us, especially given the cave art and figurines they had.

Edited by Just123456, 21 November 2021 - 05:36 PM.


#4
Brother Lunkhead

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However much I like Oll (at least as a character, but not so much all of his storylines in the HH), I think you are skating on thin ice by using a very active character as the center of your story ideas. You run a huge risk of making many of your story ideas irrelevant or simply invalid). Now, if you're hellbent to go with it anyway, then do so. I also think that by placing Oll at the center of or witness to just about everything since the beginning of time will give him a Mary Sue quality that very very few people are going to appreciate.

 

I'm not trying to knock the wind out of your sails here, just pointing out some barriers you are probably going to be facing.


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#5
Just123456

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However much I like Oll (at least as a character, but not so much all of his storylines in the HH), I think you are skating on thin ice by using a very active character as the center of your story ideas. You run a huge risk of making many of your story ideas irrelevant or simply invalid). Now, if you're hellbent to go with it anyway, then do so. I also think that by placing Oll at the center of or witness to just about everything since the beginning of time will give him a Mary Sue quality that very very few people are going to appreciate.

I'm not trying to knock the wind out of your sails here, just pointing out some barriers you are probably going to be facing.

What would you think of the Eldar training Oll Persson in their martial arts and arts of war? Eldar Harlequins can speed blitz hundreds of elite Imperial soldiers with a sword SOLO as the Throneworld novel shows and Solitaires would casually rip apart almost every Astartes and almost every Imperial warrior. Why would they train a human? The Eldar chose to make an exception since Oll Persson is a Perpetual and the oldest Perpetual.

Edited by Just123456, 30 November 2021 - 02:15 AM.


#6
Just123456

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And I won't have Oll Persson at the center of everything in human history. He would not know about Abraham Lincoln and George Washington since he was not in America at the time. And Oll Persson would not know Caesar but did serve in the Roman military and did not know Alexander of Macedonia. I would have Oll Persson mostly not do anything notable in history, but do a few remarkable things in the Upper Paleolithic.

Edited by Just123456, Yesterday, 04:20 AM.





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