Raising a nest of Vipers

[DeRome90]

Good morning.

 

I posted a story to fanfiction.net and hope I can get some critiques through B&C as well. The story itself will be the foundation of my crusade force, which I am currently building. 

Please note, that this story is a Fanfiction of a Fanficiton, if you so will. The background for my story is from the fanfiction.net account "Mattwho81". He writes awesome stories and in the last few years he produced a lot of them. I talked with him regarding the idea to my story and he gave me his ok.

 

Here is the link to my story: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14042426/1/Raising-a-nest-of-Vipers

 

This is the link to the main story of the Amber Vipers, written by Mattwho81: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13183660/1/Tales-of-the-Amber-Vipers

Index Astartes entry for the Amber Vipers by Mattwoh81: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13148783/1/Index-Astartes-Amber-Vipers

 

All constructive comments, suggestions and critiques are welcome!