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MoD AoD - Battle Reports


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#26
Aurelius Rex

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Battle G: Captain Chapel vs. Rhadamanthys

Captain Chapel, Silver Skulls 5th Company (Chapter Master Tu’Shan)
Space Marine Commander, Lightning Claw, Storm Bolter, Iron Halo, Terminator Honours, Melta Bombs. 120 points.

Rhadamanthys, Battle-Brother of the Legio Bolter & Chainsword (Several Concerned Cricketers)
Space Marine Leader, Bolt Pistol, CCW (Chainsword), Purity Seals. 37 points!

Commentators: Assassin M’Shen (MS), Ogryn bodyguard Nork Deddog (ND).

+++

ND: - so I said to the producer, ‘I won’t sink to the lowest common-denominator, and if the audience don’t know what ‘erudite’ means then let them look it up!’ - oh, are we live?

MS (quickly putting down donut and wiping chin): Yes we are, Nork! It seems that people just can’t wait to see our next matchup between the self-styled ’Luckiest Veteran Sergeant in the Universe’ - Rhadamanthys of the Legio Bolter and Chainsword - and the formidable Captain Chapel of the Silver Skulls Chapter.

ND: I have to say how much ’The Big R’ impressed me in the Divine Hunter AoD, the way he stood up to Champions armed with all manner of skills and wargear, while all he had was that outdated Filienostos pattern bolt pistol and a chainsword -

MS: - and his faith in the Emperor of course, Nork -

ND: - aha, of course M’Shen! The question remains, can he stay lucky for long enough to defeat Captain Chapel? Comparing their weapons, chainsword against lightning claw, bolt pistol against storm bolter this looks like a mismatch -

MS: - that’s what they said before Rhadamanthys’ battle against the Death Guard champion, Warghoul Fester on the Divine Hunter, and just look how that turned out!

ND: Strangely these two competitors have met before, during the Scouring of Plenaxis. The Silver Skulls and Brazen Claws drove a force of Night Lords of the 17th Legion of Fear from that hive-world in 996.M41, and if I remem-

MS: - Did I ever tell you how I killed the Night Lords Primarch, ‘Mister I’m-So-scary’ Konrad Kurtz, Nork?

ND (Head in hands, muttering something incomprehensible): Well the competitors are nearly ready, time to bring in our special guest, winner of the Chaos AoD, the Warmaster, Tomax Hell…

MS: Hello Warmaster, I was just talking about your Primarch!

Warmaster Tomax Hell: :D
SILENCE, WENCH! THE NIGHT HAUNTER WAS FULFILLING A PROPHESY!
YOU ARE A PAWN TO THE POWER OF CHAOS!
… AND THOSE TAPES WERE INCONCLUSIVE!
I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN AND FEED YOU YOUR OWN -


MS (Ripping a handful of sparking wires from the reciever): - I am sorry… but we seem to be suffering, er, technical difficulties with our Astrotelepath connection to Antioc, but thanks for those colourful comments, Warmaste-

ND (With barely concealed relish) : - And I will have to interrupt you, M’Shen, as the two competitors have just entered the arena, and I can see that Rhadamanthys has changed since we saw him last on the Divine Hunter, the blue and red quartered design has been replaced by the mainly black armour of the Legio Bolter & Chainsword!

MS: But more significantly he now has purity seals! The same ones that he earned for surviving the Divine Hunter AoD! How will this drastic change affect his legendary luck, Nork?

ND: We are about to find out, M’Shen, as the referee signals to start, and both marines close the distance… Chapel opening up with that storm bolter, shells ricocheting off his opponents armour, but doing nothing more than scratching the fresh black paintwork…

MS: The insane luck of Rhadamanthys is still intact, as with a single shot from his bolt pistol he finds a chink in the Silver shoulder armour of his opponent, who has had to drop the storm bolter, seemingly stunned at the turn of events!

ND: Well Rhadamanthys’ never fails to dish up the shocks! The former Brazen Claw takes another shot, but Chapel is un-injured this time…

MS: Rhadamanthys takes advantage of Chapel’s surprise to get the decisive charge in, just like I did when I assassinated Konrad Kur-

ND: But ‘The Big R’ doesn’t even get to land a blow! In a blur of speed Chapel has speared Rhadamanthys twice with his lightning claw, and this battle is over!

MS: I think that if we go to the action-replay you can just see that Rhadamanthys’ chainsword was caught up in his purity seals, and the fraction of a second was enough time for Captain Chapel to end this confrontation. I knew those purity seals were a bad idea, Nork!

ND: Rhadamanthys is down hard! The referee has signalled that the contest is over, and Chapel is checking on him - and helping him carefully to his feet! It seems these two old comrades are unwilling to kill each other to advance. You have to admire the skill of Captain Chapel to wound his opponent enough to drop him, and doing it with enough control to ensure that his friend is not permanently injured!

MS: I am very impressed by the skill of Chapel, I think he could go all the way to the final, but how different would the battle have been if Rhadamanthys had landed that chainsword blow. He must be cursing those purity seals right now! I certainly didn’t need distractions like that when I took out Konra-

ND: I am sorry but that is all we have time for tonight from the Arena, M’Shen. Now lets hand you back to Lord Solar Macharius and as always, Lord of Change, Tzstskxtztxtai’Sczeeph for post match analysis on this eventful win for Captain Chapel of the Silver Skulls!

Both (Cheesy grins): Good night!

+++


(Many thanks to jokersminis for channelling Warmaster Tomax Hell for the batrep. :evil: )

Edited by Aurelius Rex, 26 June 2004 - 02:50 AM.

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#27
Joker

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BIG Props, Rex.

I never imagined M'Shen as a Chatty Cathy Doll, brilliant!

Joker
 

gallery_3570_2095_14088.jpg

 


#28
Nicholas Wolfer

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Still, Rhadamanthys put up a fight!

The purity seals bit was hilarius.
QUOTE(DepthCharge @ Aug 12 2005, 07:50 PM)
Space Wolves are badasses that operate just barely within the rules.
13th Co. didn't even know there were rules applying to how badass they could be.

#29
angelus sausaugus

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GO VS MALYR




great batrep rex
suffer not the mutant to live.....

#30
Aurelius Rex

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Glad you liked the batreps, I will have to leave the rest of the battles to my fellow refs, chief Anacron, ==Me== and nite_moogle.

Looking forward to seeing how the battles went when I get back on-net in about 12 days time. :evil:

See ya! :D
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#31
ski

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ok my PM has been sent. I have to say sorry about that guys... I recently got engaged and trying to plan a wedding is a total pain in the keister :D

The fiancee is driving me nuts with this stuff... all the details, registering for stuff ... I think I'm going to go just a little insane before it gets here ::cuss:
Into the fires of battle, unto the anvil of War!

My Salamanders

#32
UltimaMouse

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OMGosh.. you guys killed of SCC so early.. *tear*... darn those purity seals... oh well good fight!
Sotto me wo akete
Atari wo nagamete mo
Fuukei ga wa

ill see you till i wake from shallow sleep...

#33
==Me==

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Finally, without further ado...

Battle B: Weapons Master Hardwick vs Nihilus Gothan

Joining us today are our two commentators, Crimson Fists Captain Cortez (CC) and Champion of Slaanesh, Lucius the Eternal (LtE)

CC: Well, Lucius, it looks like we've got an interesting battle on our hands today.

LtE: Indeed, it will be difficult to tell which plaything is going to win this very...seductive competition

CC: Err, right...Oh! Here come our fighters. Lucius, you do intros while I work on my endgame flaminco. *Puts on feathery hat and begins...to dance*

LtE: I'd love to grind with you Cortez, but I'll introduce our fighters. On the left, one of Slaanesh's up and coming champions, Weapons Master Hardwick, weighing in at roughly 600lbs...

Hardwick: I heard your up there, I'm not fat!

LtE: Anyway, W88, H124, with a beautiful set of lightning claws, drug dispensors, and it looks to be a tentacle sprouting from...

Hardwick: It's no tentacle baby ;)

LtE: Must...resist...temptation...

CC: Ok, I'll save the electric slide until after the fight, Lucius, that'll be all for now. Lucius?

Lte: Today, I serve Slaanesh!!

CC: Oh dear Emperor, GO TO COMMERCIAL!!!

*static, hissing, symbol of Adeptus Mechanicus with "Technical Difficulties, please provide correct holy ungents and warding spells and call your local cable provider"

CC: Ok, we're back. Lucius has been restrained *cut to Lucius tied down, looking quite...happy* and Hardwick has sustained no permanent damage...

CC: Now, on to the fight. From the right side, coming in at 750 lbs of pure ceramite and muscle, the Frothing Felon of the Formosa Sector, Nihilus Gothan! Armed with a heretical Dark Blade, bolt pistol, and sporting some very muscular and limber legs *kicks Lucius* Let's go ringside for prefight footage.

Gothan: You're standing between me and my prize...step aside or bleed.

Hardwick: *in best Towelie® voice* Hey, wanna get high?

CC: The battle lines have been drawn, and as the combatants head towards their positions, I'll untie Lucius for additional commentary, hopefully the fight will keep his other urges in check.

LtE: Gee, now why did you have to go and do that you thilly goothe *coughs* Ahem, I mean, err, let's get this train rolling.

CC: The ref has approached the center mark, he's fired his plasma pistol, wait, he got a one...

LtE: You've got to hate these moments Cortie, this kind of thing just makes the Arena look silly. You don't mind me calling you Cortie, do you?

CC: As a matter of fact, I do.

LtE: Ok, Cortie, the ref apparently had his pistol mastercrafted, and it seems to be working now. So the battle begins!

CC: It looks like Hardwick is making the first move, launching headlong into his foe, but he seems to have come up short. Gothan slinks backwards, coiling his legs, ready to pounce. Gothan takes a shot with his bolt pistol, and it hits Hardwick right in the chink in his armor...the "chink" that our friend Lucius caused no earlier than 5 minutes ago.

LtE: Umm, look! Gothan is charging in, swinging his daemon weapon around like one of those Khornate brutes. Things certainly look bad for Hardwick.

CC: Wait Lucius! Hardwick's lightning claws are flashing, and with amazing grace and agility, Lucius evades all of Gothan's blows, bar one, which seems to have been counteracted by Hardwick's amazing concoction of drugs. Wow, those are amazing. *Looks at screen* Kids, drugs are very, very bad, stay in school.

LtE: Anyway, it appears that while Gothan barely scratched Hardwick, a quick flurry of claws has appeared to have gutted poor Gothan, but the Gods of Chaos must not want him to fall just yet, only one strike hit home. Those Night Lords are always full of surprises!

CC: This is truly becoming an interesting match! Let's see what happens now.

LtE: Well, upon losing his charge momentum, Gothan is at the mercy of Hardwick, and I don't think that sexy hunk is willing to let up (how I wish I could get a hold of him for more than a minute :) ::cuss: )

CC: *Shoving Lucius aside* Nope, it looks like Hardwick is in rare form, and in a flurry of claws, Gothan has been dismembered, his bloody torso falling to the ground.

Gothan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! What a world! What a world!! *HISS*

CC: Oh-kaay, it appears we have our winn...

Gothan: To think this could happen to me! ME!! What a World!!

CC: Will someone take care of him.

Lucius: I'll do it, I'd love to nurse him back to health, Lucius's love can keep anyone alive, wishing they were dead. *Runs out to the field*

CC: Well, that's one less problem. Victory goes to Weapons Master Hardwick, Champion of Slaanesh. Let's go ringside for a final interview. So, Master Hardwick, how did you feel going into this fight?

Hardwick: *dazed* What? Oh man, I'm so high right now, I don't even know what's going on.

CC: Master Hardwick? Hardwick! *smacks him in the face*

Hardwick: Dude, that's not cool. Oh, ok. I was so totally ready for this, I was like, "dude, it's time to like, slice some stuff, score some babes, and, like, uhh...y'know...win."

CC: Right, well, do you have anything left to say Master Hardwick, before you move on?

Hardwick: Like dude, where's my Dreadclaw?

CC: Ok, that's it from us, back to you in the studio. And now, to dance.

*Captain Cortez begins to tango with Lucius, who can't seem to do anything but try and rip off Cortez's breast plate ("they said it would be detachable")*

Edited by ==Me==, 29 June 2004 - 02:36 AM.

Angels of the Lion
Oh yeah, well I'll go make ==My== own blog, with Blackjack & Hookers

#34
Nicholas Wolfer

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:)

EDIT! MAN! I Can't believe I wasted my 1000th post on a smiley, ;)

Edited by Nicholas Wolfer, 29 June 2004 - 06:33 AM.

QUOTE(DepthCharge @ Aug 12 2005, 07:50 PM)
Space Wolves are badasses that operate just barely within the rules.
13th Co. didn't even know there were rules applying to how badass they could be.

#35
The Angelus Sanctus

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Wow, SCC got kicked out early.. owwie...

Im enjoy alot of the commentary, very well done boys :)
Armies Owned:
Angels of the Lion (DA): Grand Master Angelus Sanctus | Space Wolves: ? | Iron Hands: ? | Sisters of Battle: ?
Emperor's Children: Lord Amorr'ei Ge'hinnom | Thousand Sons: ? | Word Bearers: ?

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My Photobucket | My Blog | My B&C PC&A Blog

#36
Rogue Trader

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:) I'm guessing Hardwick wasn't the only one on drugs during that batrep (Yes, I am looking at ==You== ;) )

#37
==Me==

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It was late, I was tired :)
Angels of the Lion
Oh yeah, well I'll go make ==My== own blog, with Blackjack & Hookers

#38
The Angelus Sanctus

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Tisk Tiks ==M'Lord== Drugs are BAD! I could have told you this before hand!!

just look at me!!
Armies Owned:
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Emperor's Children: Lord Amorr'ei Ge'hinnom | Thousand Sons: ? | Word Bearers: ?

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#39
Anacron

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Not only has real life been intruding into my battle plans, a distinct lack of dice also presented a problem. :) In my abscence, well done Aurelius for distracting attention from my poor showing.

However, both of the issues have been sorted, and Sedon vs Gunner von Barre will be up later tonight...
In another life I'd be drenched in sweat with you
But it's this life darlin' and in this life we make do.

#40
Commander Y

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*Excellent*

And that foul witch of Chaos shall be sent back to the Warp post haste!

Y

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Member of the I <3Joker fan club.

#41
Wolf lord Siguld

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that was.....weird :)


Pretty funny though ;)

#42
angelus sausaugus

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now now drugs are very very bad



*hey man wanna smoke some good stuff *
suffer not the mutant to live.....

#43
refuse

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:)

One, two! One, two! And through and through
  The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
  He went galumphing back.


#44
Commander Y

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Through the Looking Glass, 'Fuse?
Y

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#45
Anacron

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Gunner von Barre vs Sedon
(Commander Y vs Brother Tyler)


Commissar Yarrick: “Welcome to the arena at the Bolter and Chainsword, and we have one hell of a fight coming up for you today. Fortunately Cortez and Lucius have been suspended from comentary duties pending an investigation by the Legio B&C on how on earth those two managed to get on this programme, we'll keep you updated." (Well done ==Him== for increasing the level of wackyness in this AoD... - Anacron)

Back to normality now, and in a few minutes we’ll see the Tzeentchian sorcerer Sedon take on his natural enemy the Witch Hunter Gunner von Barre of the Ordo Hereticus. Now this is a fight that’s going to be very bloody, no-one will give an inch here. With me in the commentary box is Captain Tycho of the Blood Angels, what do you think we have in store?”

T: “Well Yarrick, the favourite has got to be Sedon, the gifts from his patron god giving him near-invincibility. Very strong and tough – which an Inquisitor certainly isn’t – and his armour will be deflecting most of the shots.”

CY: “It wouldn’t do to underestimate Gunner von Barre though, but he is certainly the underdog here today.”

T: “Well, we’ll see. Here come the contestants Yarrick, and Sedon does look dangerous.”

CY: “I’ll agree with you there Tycho, and he’s a giant compared to the smaller figure of von Barre.”

T: “I suppose that’s what a Space Marine’s training and genetics combined with the dark gifts of the Lord of Change–”

CY: “Stop right there Tycho, Sedon appears to be invoking some sort of spell, his great weapon is now glowing with an inner light. That looks nasty…”

Sedon: “…you stink of a lifetime of bondage to the corpse god. Come, let me end your misguided servitude.”

CY: “Well, that’s a bit harsh. But wait, Sedon has surprised von Barre by moving in, and he’s invoking some other wizardry…
<loud electric crackling and blue/purple lightning fills the arena> …ouch, that’s gotta hurt. Von Barre takes a hit there, but he still seems to be moving. That could’ve been so much worse”

T: “I’m surprised he’s not dead, luckily for him that doombolt curse only did a small amount of damage. But now von Barre is charging in, firing his bolt pistol as he goes.”

CY: “To no effect unfortunately, but now he’s in close combat with Sedon towering over him. A few flashes of laser fire from von Barre’s pistol bounce off Sedon’s armour, and now he’s swinging his force weapon… oh but he fails to wound Sedon.

“Now Sedon is fighting back, but his massive weapon seems to be missing the Inquisitor althogther – he really needs to work on his technique.
<bright flash> Ouch, one of the attacks there being deflected by von Barre’s conversion field…”

T: “Excellent bit of kit that rosarius – invaluable in a fight like this.”

CY: “And now Sedon gets in another round of attacks, he’s got the jump on von Barre that time.
<series of bright flashes> But all to no avail, von Barre’s rosarius is working overtime here…”

T: “He’s really indebted to that thing now – it’s saving his life out there.”

CY: “And Gunner von Barre has just twisted round underneath Sedon, readying his force weapon for another hit. But what’s this?! Those small digital weapons on his pistol are twinkling… and are hitting Sedon right in the face…”

T: “Yes, he’s being forced down by those mini laser weapons, and now von Barre strikes… wait, no! He’s stopped, holding the force weapon above him… Sedon is not moving…! Von Barre is stepping back!


Von Barre: “The Emperor has smiled upon me this day. To cleanse this place not only of a corrupt Traitor, but a Witch as well! The foul mind powers this filth drags forth from the Warp is no match for Righteousness and steel! I shall smite thee down, Witch, in the name of His Most Glorious Majesty, the Immortal Emperor of Mankind!” <walks slowly away…>

CY:
<lost for words>

T: “Well… What an unexpected finish – it appears von Barre’s Jokaero weaponry found a weak spot in Sedon’s daemon armour and destroyed the foul traitor. I never knew those digi-weapons were that powerful”

CY: “It seems that way. Well, what price Sedon going out in the first round? I would never have expected that.”

T: “I’ll have to stop you there Yarrick – the medics are attending to Sedon in the arena. Don’t tell von Barre, but it appears there is a chance Sedon could live. Not that it affects this tournament of course.”

CY: "And now we go down to our neophyte Garth Crooks who's cornered von Barre..."

xenos races and either bringing human-occupied planets into compliance or destroying them if they resisted.' class='bbc ipSeoAcronym'>GC: "So how was that fight for you?"

<von Barre glazes icely at the young man, then walks away>

xenos races and either bringing human-occupied planets into compliance or destroying them if they resisted.' class='bbc ipSeoAcronym'>GC: "Um... how did you feel defaeating a chaotic sorceror? How are you preparing for the next battle? What can you tell us about you digi wwapon? Helloo...?"

CY: “And so perishes another minion of Chaos, and the Inquisitor progresses to the quarter finals, where he will face the winner of tomorrow's battle: Zamael vs Malyr, sure to be a great fight. See you again then!"



The Winner:
Posted Image

Edited by Anacron, 29 June 2004 - 10:02 PM.

In another life I'd be drenched in sweat with you
But it's this life darlin' and in this life we make do.

#46
Anacron

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Late entry alert!

Sword Brother Jeramakus, Castellan to Marshal Seese and the Gethsemane Crusade
Space Marine Leader
Master-crafted bolter, master-crafted power sword
Terminator Honours, Purity Seals
117 points

He can be seen here: http://www.minivault.com/sbj.htm


Jeramakus will fight chaplain Thiel in the first round - sorry Kurgan, no bye for you. :)

Edited by Anacron, 29 June 2004 - 10:12 PM.

In another life I'd be drenched in sweat with you
But it's this life darlin' and in this life we make do.

#47
Brother Amarel

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GO VS MALYR

Mmmm? Eh? What did I miss? Doesn't Malyr have to get past Zamael first?

Amarel.
'And at the heart of darkness, shrouded and unclear, stand the Powers of Chaos, locked in a hated lover's embrace and moving to a ceaseless dance of death in the souls of the weak.' - Slaves to Darkness.

'Oh, yeah, this is a laugh-riot. This is where I would most like to be - standing in the freezing cold being called a liar by a nun and coerced by a Wax Lion to commit crime. It's so much fun!' - Jaye Tyler.

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#48
Commander Y

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And so falls another corrupt and malign entity of the Warp to the righteous wrath of The Most Holy and Blessed Emperor of Mankind! Huzzah!




Who'da thunk it?

:)
Y

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#49
brother_haakon

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When's Raynor Doomhowl fight?

#50
Anacron

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Veteran Sergeant Malyr vs Fallen Angel Zamael
(Veteran Sergeant Malyr vs Brother Amarel)


Colonel Schaffer (for it is indeed he): “Now we have a very special match for you here today, as it’s the Dark Angel Malyr versus Fallen Angel Zamael. There’s a lot of history behind these two, and I’d like to welcome Interrogator-Chaplain Asmodai to explain it all to us.”

Asmodai: “Unfortunately it’s on a strictly need to know basis, and you don’t need to know.”

<pause>

CS:
<sarcasm> “Well, that is certainly illuminating. Thank you very much Asmodai, I’m sure we’ll see you again in the studio soon. </sarcasm> Anyway, here are the two combatants, Zamael carrying a massive, nearly pitch black blade that looks very nasty. Malyr meanwhile seems to have gone the ‘Kal Jerico’ route, and is brandishing two pistols, one of which is an ancient plasma weapon.

“And the Fallen Angel moves up first, firing his bolt pistol as he goes – which merely pings harmlessly off Malyr’s power armour. Ah, Malyr’s not moving, and is taking up a firing stance with his plasma pistol, squeezing off a couple of shots… ooh, one of them did some damage, Zamel looks hurt, but he’s not dead yet–“

A: “That’s good to see, Malyr knows a good weapon when he sees it. Plasma is highly effective in the right hands – hang on, is the traitor falling back?”

CS: “Yes he is, in the face of heavy fire from Malyr, Zamael is retreating, which is something you don’t see often in this arena
(yes, that was two double sixes in a row :) – Anacron)… but to no effect, as Malyr moves up again and fires off another plasma shot… but he skies it. That was so not even close.”

A: “Malyr will certainly be visiting the firing range whe– sorry,
if, he gets back.”

CS: “Wait, what’s that? Zamel appears to be berating Malyr…

Zamael: “…you had the chance to fight for the right side on Caliban. You threw it all away to cowardly pledge your allegiance to the corrupt empire…”

CS: “‘had the chance to fight for the right side’? What’s that all about then Asmodai?”

A:
<twiddles thumbs, whistles innocently, then interrupts–> “But before Malyr can answer, Zamael is on the charge, firing his bolt pistol as he goes.”

CS: “Well, if I were Malyr, I’d be leggin’ it now with that monster and his massive dark blade bearing down on me–”

A: “–yeah, but you’re not a Dark Angel. Malyr stubbornly stays unmoving, and prepares to take the charge… oh.”

<heavy thud, followed by a long pause>

CS: “Ah. Oh dear. Zamael made short work of Malyr there. The first swipe nicked Malyr’s armour, the second
sar aht uht opened up the gap for Zamael’s third blow to deliver the ewl caer… And yes, the medics are picking up both halves of Malyr from the floor while Zamael walks away in disgust. That’s gonna sting in the morning.”

A: “Frankly, I’m disappointed in Malyr. He could have done so much better. If he had stepped back instead of moving forward he could have kept firing the plasma, and he’d have got there eventually.”

CS: “Well, we can sit here all day talking about what ifs, but now Zamael goes through to the quarter-finals where he will face the Witch Hunter Gunner von Barre – what do you think of that match then Asmodai?”

A: “It could be good, but if you’ll excuse me, I must just go and visit Zamael in his dressing room…”
<walks away down to the arena>

CS: “Okay then Asmodai, congratulate him for me won’t you. That’s all for today folks, but don’t go away, we have three more matches to go yet in this… hang on, wait a minute!
<calls security> Quick, get down to Zamael, I think Asmodai is up to something…

Anyway, see you all next time!”
<runs off down to the arena after Asmodai>

The Winner:
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In another life I'd be drenched in sweat with you
But it's this life darlin' and in this life we make do.