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MoD AoD - Battle Reports


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#201
Anacron

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Lord Solar Macharius (just can't get rid of him can we?): "Well, it appears that the grand final is delayed slightly, so to pass the time we'll go to these pre-recorded interviews with the finalists, that took place earlier today..."

~O~

Sergeant Lysander: "Well, it's been an excellent tournament, and you've done really well Chapel."

Chapel: "It is only to be expected that a Brother Captain of my capacity would overcome all opposition so far. But I must say this final battle will test my full battle prowess."

SL: "It certainly will - how you feel about this upcoming battle?"

Chapel: "Chapel will give his all, which is all the Emperor asks of his servents. Whether the Emperor deems Chapel worthy of being the victory is his choice alone."

SL: "Do you feel you have the right equipment for the task?"

Chapel: "Having served in the 1st Company of my chapter the Silver Skulls I had a chance to serve in many boarding actions. Throughout I found that the Storm Bolter was natually well balanced with the sheer force a Lightning Claw has deliver."

SL: "Ah, a man of experience. But could you go farther; especially after the performance in this tournament?"

Chapel: "Of course not, there is only the placement of Chapter Master, which is already taken. The battle brothers of the Silver Skulls 5th Company have much to learn from a veteran brother of Chapel's wisdom."

SL: Indeed. So if no promotion, what's next for the great Captain Chapel?"

Chapel: "Chapel will continue lead the 5th Company, though I have heard there are plans for Chapel to be remodelled soon. All plastic of course."

SL: "Thanks for that Chapel; I'm sure you'll open up a six-pack of whupass later."

~O~

Sergeant Namaan: "Nice to have you on the show Raynor, you've done rather well in this tournament. Pleased with your performance?"

Raynor: "It's quite awesome. I'm rather ashamed of myself for not besting more of my opponents in close combat, but as a Wolf, I play it smart, regardless of what my opponents think - and notice that those who have made fun of my intellect have wound up dead or otherwise incapacitated."

SN: "Hmm, it does seem to have been a bit of a curse. I'm sure Chapel won't make that mistake. How have you made it this far, any tactics?"

Raynor: "Tactics? Well, mostly, I tried to avoid death. That's the trick really."

SN: "Couldn't put it better myself. So it's looking good, then: how do you feel about the battle?"

Raynor: "Eh, slight loss of appetite. Decline in Libido. In most cases, same as placebo."

SN: "Oh well, it'll all be over soon. I;m sure you'll kick ass, so what will the celebrations be like later on?"

Raynor: <Raynor stares at the announcer for a moment, blinking. He then silently produces an fish on a hook. Raynor removes the fish from the hook>

SN: "That wasn't an answer."

Raynor: "Oh, I think it was."

SN: "What, that the celebrations will involve lots of fish?"

Raynor: <grumbles for a moment> "Hmm...I say good sir, thou art made of a fair amount of red meat, aren't you?"

SN: "Why yes, I'd assume so, why do you as-- OH GOD!"

<Camera pans away after a splash of blood covers the lens>

Cameraman: <fearfully> "....um, anything else?"

<in Raynor's head...>

Raynor: Use this opportunity to either get famous, get some of the ladies, or make some money fool!
Conscience: No, that's bad, what'd Russ think?
Raynor: Russ would think I'm bloody creative and resourceful. If they're stupid enough to send me the money...
Mental-Wolfen-thing: I say my good fellows, ask them to send meat. Red meat.

<Back in reality>


Raynor: "...send meat, women, money and ale. Den I wont KEEL yoo!"

~O~

LSM: "We apologies for the technical problems in that second transmission; Namaan has had an unfortunate Wolf/Angel encounter. It seems reports of his earlier death by an exploding Ork dreadnought were greatly exaggerated."
In another life I'd be drenched in sweat with you
But it's this life darlin' and in this life we make do.

#202
Aurelius Rex

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The commentators for the final have just been confirmed:

Inquisitor Kryptmann of the Ordo Xenos

...And...

Some guy called Abaddon... called himself the Despoiler on the application form (compensating for something I suppose). I have not heard of him myself but you have to give the new guys a shot. :blink:

Batrep will be up Tuesday night. -_-
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#203
Ecce Imperator

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I've got my money on Chapel.

...

My fake money, of course. -_-
Note to self: Stop taking year-long breaks from WH40k. Bad things tend to happen when you do.

#204
Erik Bloodmaw

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If the Fang Bar & Grill ever reopens, I'll buy some kind of super pancake from mekboy for all the DC fans!

And to Raynors wulfen side: I can't help with the ladies, I could use some of those myself, but the red meat.... My uncle owns a cow farm.

#205
Brother Sergeant Alasseo

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What about the ale?

I move for at least 7 tuns to be sent to raynor.
...apparently I'm a fluff buff now...

#206
brother_haakon

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B&G had better be open . If raynor wins, I'll piss myself so bad I won't be able to piss straight.

#207
wolftooth

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go ranyor

go pankcakes

my moneys on raynor he has an invunerable save and his plasma pistol
Rurik of the Rus
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#208
Aurelius Rex

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The Grand Final - Raynor Doomhowl against Captain Chapel

Raynor Doomhowl, Wolf Priest of the Space Wolves, Iron Wolves Great Company (DepthCharge)
Space Wolves Rune Priest, Plasma Pistol, Curse of the Wulfen (counts as Wolf Tooth Necklace), Insanely Loyal Fanbase. (120 pts.)

Captain Chapel, Silver Skulls 5th Company. (Chapter Master Tu’Shan)
Space Marine Commander, Lightning Claw, Storm Bolter, Iron Halo, Terminator Honours, Meltabombs, Excellent Woodsman. (120 pts.)

+++

Lord Solar Macharius: ‘The blood, the gore, the harsh language, it all culminates in this Grand Final of the Arena of Death. Lets join our commentators in the arena – Abaddon? Inquisitor Kryptman? Can you hear me?’

Inquisitor Kryptman: ‘Aaargh! It’s the Hive-Mind! It is trying to control me!’

Abaddon the Despoiler: ‘Er, no, it’s the Studio… Hi Macharius, Hey! Did you see what I did to the planet they named after you?’ <_<

LSM: ‘muttergrumbleplanetkillingjerkmutter’

AtD: ‘Hehe. Well it looks like I will be doing most of the commentating, as the good Inquisitor has… issues.’

IK: ‘… Tyranids everywhere, nummgh, all around me…’

+++ Sound of a door being kicked open. A Dark Figure steps in, the bulk of Terminator Armour obscured beneath a cloak black as midnight. +++

AtD: ‘Wh-who are you?’

Dark Figure: ‘Abaddon – I AM your father.’

AtD: ‘Horus?’

DF: ‘Yes, and I am VERY disappointed in you. You have been bad-mouthing me to your friends. What was it that you said? “Horus was weak, Horus was a fool. He had the whole galaxy within his grasp and he let it slip away.”?’

AtF: (Little voice) ‘Sorry dad.’

DF: ‘And you say that, but after thirteen Black Crusades you still haven’t even taken Cadia.

AtF: (Little voice) ‘S’ry dad.’

DF: And really son, I could understand you painting your bedroom black, but painting the whole Legion black? You are grounded. Go to the Battle-Barge, I will speak to you later.’

AtF: (Little voice) ‘S’ry dad.’ +Sniff+

+++ Sound of a door closing. The Dark Figure removes the cloak to reveal a smiling Captain Invictus of the Ultramarines. +++

IK: ‘It worked! And they say that Good is dumb!’

Captain Invictus: ‘Hello again Inquisitor, good to see you! Lets get this final started… So Doomhowl against Chapel, and the arena is a sea of Space Wolf grey, it is a very partisan crowd in here tonight.’

+++ Crowd roars. +++

IK: ‘Here are the competitors! Lets hear what they have to say.’

Raynor Doomhowl: ‘One final, honourable battle against my brother in arms, Captain Chapel. Ironic, I think, that the fates have pitted us against each other. Regardless of who wins, would you care to go get drunk and play ping pong afterwards?’

Captain Chapel: ‘Verbum Brother Marine, it would seem we have reached the end. This battle is not a mere battle in arms, but of the will of two Brothers of the Adeptus Astartes. It is only fair to have allowed ourselves to beat the lower beings of the Traitor Legions and the degenerate Inquisition, for all was but a warm up for this match… Prepare Brother, it has begun.’

CI: ‘The ref signals the start of the match, and he looks ill! I hope he makes it through to crown the champion.’

IK: ’Chapel makes the first move, going for the charge it seems, and blazing away with that Storm Bolter which has not been terribly effective so far, and true to form, Raynor’s armour turns away the bolter shells. In the Arena of Death, it seems that plasma and melta weapons are the only way to go.’

CI: ‘Well I have to agree, ah just lurve maw Plasma Blaster, “Betsy“.’

IK: ’And to punctuate your last remark, Raynor has just seriously wounded Chapel with that plasma pistol of his, but Chapel barges into him and the pair trade blow after blow, and those invulnerable saves are working overtime today.’

CI: ’The claw of Chapel is the victor in that battle, slashing open the leg of the Space Wolf. Both men have taken damage now as they circle each other, looking for an opening.’

+++ Sound of ripping flesh as the referee lets out an unearthly howl. Tendrils burst from his flesh and runes of warp-spawned power glow white in the air. +++

IK: ’It is the Tyranids again! They have come back for me!’

CI: ‘Nooo, I think we have just found Lord Coteaz’ missing daemon host, Ah‘naa‘cron. The creature is attacking both competitors! What a shocking revelation, to think that a referee could be capable of such evil!‘

IK: ‘Oh, that is all right then… The beast has slyly waited until they have weakened each other. It tries to boil their blood to no avail. Chapel’s claws rip through the beast, as does Raynor’s Crozius wannabe, but the thing is still standing. It wounds Chapel three times, but he is saved each time by that Iron Halo, and turns its attention on Raynor…’

CI: ’Raynor dodges and parries like a man possessed… er… but he is just too slow, and the creature punches a corrupted fist clean through his abdomen… Oh Throne, is that his bowel?’

IK: ’His spleen, my friend, oh, and there go the kidneys! I suppose that makes Chapel the winner, lets just see if it will be posthumous.’

CI: ‘The Beast has just tried to terrify the life out of Chapel, but it takes more than that old Jedi mind trick to stop the winner of the Arena of Death. Chapel tears the creature open again with his claws, but it just refuses to die. I bet Chapel wishes he had taken the instakill power fist instead of the lightning claw about now.’

IK: ‘Ah‘naa‘cron is weakening, those last attacks didn’t even scratch Chapels armour. No, I have spoken too soon, he is calling on the so-called strength of the warp and of Chaos Undivided. He has Chapel by the throat! This could be the end of our uncrowned Champion.’

CI: ’Raynor’s fans are climbing the arena barrier… Some Frater are on the pitch… they think it is all over…’

+++ Chapel’s Lightning Claw spears up in a blur and decapitates the daemonhost with a single stroke. The creature is reduced to a withered husk and blows away in true monster movie fashion. +++

CI: ‘…It is now!’

IK: ‘And so we have a worthy Champion to this Arena of Death, Captain Chapel of the Silver Skulls. We will have to get an interview with our champ after he gets cleaned up. I don’t believe it! Raynor is still alive! Lets go down to see if he can give us a few words…’

RD: ’I’m not dead, you know. It takes more than an evisceration to stop me getting a post-slaughter drink… HEY! Stop eating that, Loki! That is my lower intestine! Give it back! I need that!’

IK: ’It is your liver, you idiot! Oh, those wacky Space Pups and their antics. That just about wraps it up from the arena, but I hope you enjoyed the carnage, and will join us later for a few words from Captain Chapel on what it feels like to be the winner of this very special Arena of Death.’

Both: ‘Goodnight!’

+++



Thanks to Anacron and Rogue Trader for all the good ideas.

So, Chapter Master Tu'Shan, will you be allowing Captain Chapel to give any press releases? The frater want to hear from their new champion. :cuss

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#209
DepthCharge

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*In true defeated fashion*

'Tis but a flesh wound!
Your resident armchair tactician, wielder of the sacred Shotgun-Frost-Thunderhammer, and keeper of the Space Wolf Tactica Project.

"To swing first is good, but to swing last is better."

Rules: Know and Obey

#210
Captain Chapel

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YES!

*does little jig*

#211
Ecce Imperator

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YES!

I predicted right.

I'll be collecting my... fake... payoff now. <_<
Note to self: Stop taking year-long breaks from WH40k. Bad things tend to happen when you do.

#212
Shu2jack

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.....NO!!!

*Goes crazy along with the rest of DC's insanely loyal fan base*

#213
the great beaver

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Im confused....chapel didnt kill raynor??? the ref did???


Double-youu-tee-eff mate?

someone explain this to me before the collectors start calling?

#214
DepthCharge

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Im confused....chapel didnt kill raynor??? the ref did???

TRIED to kill. I'm far too grizzled to die :cuss

Even though I didn't win, I had a good time <_<

Thanks Anacron and the crew...
Your resident armchair tactician, wielder of the sacred Shotgun-Frost-Thunderhammer, and keeper of the Space Wolf Tactica Project.

"To swing first is good, but to swing last is better."

Rules: Know and Obey

#215
Anacron

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Just to clarify the rules used in the final: After the first turn of combat, a single daemonhost (Codex: Daemonhunters Elites choice) appeared and charged both competitors, dividing attacks equally (in I order, with any odd number distributed randomly). The warriors (recognising a common enemy) attacked the daemon instead.

Great batrep Aurelius. <_< And Captain Chapel will no doubt be receiving an Iron Halo from =][= Coteaz after banishing the evil daemonhost. Oh wait, he's already got one. :cuss

Good work Tu'Shan and DC, well done on getting this far. I'm sure that's not the last AoD of the season, though the next one may be slightly more official and well-run :) (but far less humourous :( ).
In another life I'd be drenched in sweat with you
But it's this life darlin' and in this life we make do.

#216
savageblitzer

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Hmmm, it's about time I gave a shot at entering one of these...

*Gets to thinkin'*

<_<

#217
wolftooth

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well done chapel

hard luck Depthcharge
Rurik of the Rus
Kniaz of the Claws of Sarmae

#218
Heimdal

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Even though we are Space Wolves we cant win them all :)

A very "huh? <_< "-moment when the Daemonhost arrived :cuss

Good fighting everybody!
H�kan of the Space Wolves
Divine Hunter Arena of Death
Last Man Standing
__________________________________________________

#219
Brother Tyler

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Kudos to the victor and a hearty <_< to the gents who ran this tourney. Good job all around.

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#220
bravelybravesirrobin

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so technically we didn't lose right????

meh that's good enough for a drink

LEMAN RUSKI'S ALL ROUND
"Bravely Brave Sir Robin. rode forth from camelot. he was not afraid to die, oh brave sir robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be killed in nasty ways. Brave, brave, brave, brave sir robin"

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#221
BrotherCaptainArkhan

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(but far less humourous <_< ).

Why can't it be humourous? A second one of these would be absolutely great! I'm sure it'd open up even more possibilities for great writing.

Anyway...can the next one have Imperials, please?

Actually, here's an idea. Why not run an Arena of Death themed around a specific fight? Say, (for example) a challenge between Iron Warrior characters and Space Marines of Rogal Dorn's geneseed. Or the Raven Guard, Iron Hands and Salamanders against the Istvaan Traitor Legions.

-Arkhan.

B0BsTLO.jpg   vV378By.jpg
 


#222
brother_haakon

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so technically we didn't lose right????

meh that's good enough for a drink

LEMAN RUSKI'S ALL ROUND

1.no we didn't

2.Yes, it is

3. I INVENTED THAT DRINK

#223
the great beaver

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we didnt lose?!?!?!?


VICTORY DONUTS!!!!!!!!!


WOOOHOOOO!!!!


good on ya chappel!

#224
Anacron

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Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner of the Tournament of Champions, and his name is Chapter Master Tu'Shan!

As stated in the original rules post, there is a prize. The plan to have Captain Chapel fight Hakon (the winner of the Divine Hunter AoD) was shot down by Bro-T, as it doesn't fit his fluff properly - boo, hiss! But there is still a prize and it is....







<dramatic drum roll>







...wait for it...







...a bolter and a chainsword!

Yes that's right, Chapter Master Tu'Shan receives a small plastic chainsword (right- or left-handed) and, er, a small plastic bolter (old style or new style). So if CMT would like to get in contact with me via PM with his prize preference and address, then I'd be only to happy to present his prize. :D

If he doesn't want it (and why not? These are very valuable and, um, rare items! -_- ) then DepthCharge can have 'em. :P

There is no booby prize, but if there was it would go to Kurgan - for failing to inflict a single wound. :( :P
In another life I'd be drenched in sweat with you
But it's this life darlin' and in this life we make do.

#225
brother_haakon

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Anacron, can we please have a rematch since the demonhost didn't really make it a fair fight. I would be real fluffy.

p.s when's the next frater AOD happening....