Chaplain Lucifer Posted June 14, 2006 Share Posted June 14, 2006 It's getting better and better. Just one thing - is my english just simply that bad or why do i have trouble comprehending that sentence: "What he though were attacks by the sniper, were nothing more than attempts to rouse his companions." "What he thought were attacks by the sniper, were nothing more than attempts to rouse his companions." It is a complex sentence and I forgot a letter. How's the above or should I give it a rewrite? IMHo it would work out best like this: "What he thought it were attacks by the sniper, was nothing more than attempts to rouse his companions. I'm not an english expert (far from it) but gut feeling tells me that the extra "it" and changing "were" for "was" smoothens the sentence. just my 2 eurocents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grand Master Belial Posted December 29, 2006 Author Share Posted December 29, 2006 CHAPTER XVI Leliel stood before a tiny group of bound humans with his chain-axe in his one good hand. With eyes glazed over as though no one was present, he slowly walked around the sacrificial chamber before returning to the group. Toggling the rune on his chain axe, Leliel lashed out and grabbed one of the humans. Lifting the man like a rag doll, he dropped the sacrifice on the altar before he brought the axe down into the man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bellicose Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Oo very good, and has fixed my cold turkey syndrome. Will read again and see if i can offer any advice. Good to see you back on the Fallen script. My thanks for an entertaining read. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grand Master Belial Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 Added some more up above. Tell me what you think of it. For those who want to read this in a seamless thread. I direct you to the link at the bottom of my sig. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grand Master Belial Posted January 31, 2007 Author Share Posted January 31, 2007 CHAPTER XVII “FIRE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isiah Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 "A breathless read..." "Will keep you on the edge of your seats..." "A rollercoaster of emotion..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grand Master Belial Posted March 1, 2007 Author Share Posted March 1, 2007 Added some more new stuff above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grand Master Belial Posted March 6, 2007 Author Share Posted March 6, 2007 More new stuff above, but it seems somewhat rushed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Bael Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Wow....great story please continue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grand Master Belial Posted May 23, 2007 Author Share Posted May 23, 2007 Shall do. I am taking some time off this weekend to do some writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grand Master Belial Posted May 29, 2007 Author Share Posted May 29, 2007 Well, as promised I got some writing done. I have finally killed off Leliel and the rest of the Tainted Fallen. Now it just goes to wrapping it up and then it's back to edit and revise. Still need to get the page count up some more for a proper novel. Anyway I edited the post up above. I hope you like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Bael Posted May 30, 2007 Share Posted May 30, 2007 great story...will ther be any more or will this be it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grand Master Belial Posted May 30, 2007 Author Share Posted May 30, 2007 I am working on one more Chapter to tie it up but leave enough for other stories. Then it'll be done save for refinement. Ah what the heck. CHAPTER XVIII It was dreary day when Perspicax saw them land. He was taking advantage of the deplorable conditions to train his new platoon in battle drills. Many of them had just returned from Sniper drills. Leaving the men to his Sergeants, he headed towards the battered Salamander that had saved him a few weeks ago and back to the battalion HQ. He arrived to see the Colonel cowering below the stern gaze of several marines in full off-white plate armor. The black wing with white skull displayed prominently on the Shoulders of the marines. Only one wore blue armor but a robe the same color as the rest of the marines covered it. He kept back and monitored the surroundings. He noticed Perspicax before the Colonel did. As one the walking tanks beside one in black also locked on to him. He just stood there looking back until he caught his name being used. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purge The Weak Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 I haven't read this in ages, likewise I haven't been active either. I'm going to read the full thing from start to finish, I remember this being a good story. Thanks Edit: Excellent read, well worth my time! Purgee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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