Wolfbiter

Great bases and weathering. Really well done.

Some of my Astral Hawks. Forge-Captain Gan Breslov (The Chapter's Master of the Forge): And a pic of a veteran sergeant from Seventh Company:

@Apothete, I didn't find any other mention of this after a search so... ...just wanted to mention that 'Talos' is also the name of the main Night Lords character in Aaron Dembski-Bowden's "Soul Hunter" novel, and might cause some confusion for readers. It's a recent 40K novel, and I noticed it because I'm reading the book for the second time. ;) I will come back when I have more time and do a more thorough read-through of your article this weekend. Just wanted to mention something I noticed right away. (However, if someone did mention this already and I missed it, my sincere apologies.)

Hey Philip S, There is a link to the Astral Hawks IA in my sig below. Please let me know if you need anything else. Thanks! EDIT: Oops, there is already a link to my IA posted. Never mind. My apologies. :devil: -Wolfbiter

@gil: No worries...what you cut or keep is entirely up to you. If you really like something, by all means hang on to it and see how it works out. By the way, I was reading my Space Marine Codex last night, browsed the homeworld page, and found the Reductus sector where you said Paethon was located. I really love that map. :) When you do your next draft, once the paragraphs are broken up and formatted in a second draft, I think it will read more smoothly. Splitting long descriptions into two or more shorter sentences will help too. I would certainly keep the part about the Necrons, because that's important to your background. But try it without the Ork references as you considered and see how it works. Regarding Mordray's and your comments about the condition of the planet, post-Necron battle: Perhaps the Night Scorpions themselves used their Chapter's resources and technology to preserve part of the jungle? For example, the Marines building vast, climate-controlled zones to preserve swaths of the jungle side, along with the ecology and the natives they recruit from? THat might give a cool kind of interdependence between the marines and their homeworld.... ...and if you feel like it, you could go sinister and drop hints like "No one knows where the Marines found the resources to build the life-supporting technology that preserves the jungle...but there was a lot of missing salvage from those Necron caverns...dum dum dummmm!!!" Or something like that. :) Overall, it's still in the rough stages, but I'd say you're off to a good start.

Greetings, brother of the 25th founding! And no, I don't mind...I'm flattered you found my Librarium article worth reading. ^_^ I've only done a cursory read through your first draft, so here's just a couple of quick impressions. I will try to give it a more thorough review later: Just overall (and this is not a bad thing necessarily) your first draft has a LOT of references in it. You mention several neighboring Chapters, the Necrons, the Orks, Chaos, the Inquisition...it's a lot for a reader to assimilate! I suggest on your second draft, look over your story and isolate 1-2 elements or details you REALLY want to keep, and cut others. For example, you mention several neighboring Space Marine Chapters near your homeworld, perhaps drop that to 1-2 at most. Instead of mentioning Orks, perhaps say they were founded to counter general Xenos incursions in their sector, and concentrate on the Necron appearance. (Which is nice and creepy, btw.) Again, having lots of ideas to start off is not bad at all...just see if you can streamline it down for the next draft. Second question I have is about the planet after the Necron battle. If the planet no longer spins, with one side facing the sun and one dark, wouldn't the jungle be burned off completely from the Sun Side? (since it never cools off). Perhaps the planet is one side boiling rock, one side artic, but there is a thin band of jungle and habitable zone along the terminator line between night and day? Also, what happened to the native population after the Necron attack? Are they still around, or do the Scorpions recruit from elsewhere? Last, very cool armor colors, very vivid. :) Did I see some of your models in the Painting and Modelling section previously?

Pretty good article. However, a couple of nit-picky details regarding your sidebars: 1) Your inquisitor's name (Syrus Hex) is very similar to the name of a Thousand Sons Sorcereror (Mordant Hex) named in the old IA: Thousand Sons that was published in White Dwarf. I don't know if an Inquisitor sharing the name of a Chaos Sorceror would have strong prospects for promotion in the Ordo Malleus. ;) 2) I've never heard of "Crimson Knights" mentioned in any canon Grey Knights background. If this is something of your own devising, I'd suggest removing it. Alliances with DIY chapters being mentioned I have no problem with, I can go with them working alongside the Grey Knights no problem, but I don't think you should change fluff for a canon chapter, especially one as well-detailed as the Grey Knights. I would suggest simply establishing an alliance, and leave out the "secret force within a secret chapter" angle.