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The Saga of Raka Thunderhoof


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#1
Leethal

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The Saga of Raka Thunderhoof
Written and Dictated by Raka Thunderhoof
Peer Reviewed by Inq. Jun von Drummond



Chapter One: The Beginning of Raka Thunderhoof and All His Glory* (Comments of Inq. JvD in Bold)

So begins the Saga of Raka Thunderhoof; greatest of the White Scars, fiercest of the Adeptus Astartes, pysker-iest of the Librarians, and the true heir of The Great Khan. In the year 234, of our glorious God-Emperor of Mankind, benevolent and majestic of all, in His 41st Millennium. Raka Thunderhoof, glorious Librarian of the Great Khan's White Scars. Raka Thunderhoof often pondered to himself, how truly awesome he truly was. Often the answer was simple. He was beyond awesome. Raka Thunderhoof is no mere mortal, nay! No mere Space Marine. Nay! The greatest of the White Scars, or perhaps of the the entire corps of Librarians of the Adeptus Astartes. Whichever sounds more impressive is the truth. (Possibly one of the worst Librarians I ever met. Shows basic fundamental skills. Shows use of one single power only. Not a very impressive power either. Highly surprised he wasn't turned into Astronomicon food)

So how did a being like the Incredible Raka Thunderhoof begin? Simple. On the planet Chogris. There was once a mortal boy. The greatest perhaps since the Great Khan was a boy himself. Maybe...even as great as the God-Emperor in his childhood.(Research shows the boy was one of the runtier, scrawny and weak boys) This boy was gifted with the greatest power possible in the Imperium. A Touch of the Emperor. He was a pysker. The ability of a pysker is to pysker things into explosions, and confusing the wiles, and clouding the mind. This boy was the best of the youth on the planet, perhaps even the entire solar system. Perhaps even the Segmentum itself. At the age of seven, he killed his first dozen men. (Led a party of twelve unknowingly into a raptor den. Why he claims he killed them is unknown) At the age of nine, he claimed his first woman in sexual conquest. (At the age of nine, a drunken second-cousin female of his had kissed him on the forehead. How this became "sexual conquest" is unknown) At the age of eleven, he wrestled a great boar into the ground and to it's death. (He fought a young hog, which died of fright) At the age of thirteen, he made an elder's head explode from his piercing gaze. (Possibly the ONLY piece of correct information about his life in this chronicle) At the age of fourteen, he was exiled from his tribe for exploding an elder's head. Upon his travels, he had decided to become a Space Marine aspirant.(He won 4 of 5 bouts during trials. Mainly by kicking the other aspirants in the pelvic region, a split-second before the fight was "supposed" to have begun. The 5th bout, where he lost, was in a fight against a female who was pretending to be a male, how she got that far brings up many unwanted questions, to which I do not want to know the answers of. Said female is now a Battle Canoness.)

The Astartes who watched the trials knew of Raka Thunderhoof's prowess on the battlefield and accelerated him into the Libarium. Surpassing ALL of his peers, including that know-it-all Jennit, he was selected to become a member of the Adeptus Astartes. The Angels of Death. (The Astartes no longer use servitors to record the aspirant fights due to this reason, and due to a shortage of able-bodied crop and heavy casualties from the Eye of Terror, he was accepted into the White Scars. Once again, highly surprised he wasn't turned over to the Black Ships or otherwise)

So Ends Chapter One.
(Pending Codicier Approval)

#2
Skirax

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Very good, can we be expecting Sagas of each Deathwatch character?
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#3
Hubernator

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Wait I recognise this guy! :D

Good to see the return of the Piercing Gaze :) Gave me a good giggle this, looking forward to more :D

QUOTE (StrangeGuy @ Jan 28 2010, 02:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Jonny the Space Marine)
-Don't like Vampires. If they "sparkle" though, my wife and 2 daughters just may take up 40K!

Vampires don't sparkle!!!! *ragefilledheadexplosion*

#4
Leethal

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Very good, can we be expecting Sagas of each Deathwatch character?



Highly doubtful.

Raka was the only one who actually had a backstory prior to the story that shall not be named.

#5
Skirax

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Oh...:( I miss the wolf, and especially the Ultra. He was funny, if not fun to take the mick out of :nuke:. Aren't they all?
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It depresses me that a squad of ten Imperial Guard Cadians now costs the same as twenty did almost four years ago

#6
Dark Apostle Thirst

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This was entertaining... slightly disturbing (I am highly doubtful that anyone is that pompous) but still entertaining.

#7
Leethal

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Due to the lack of interest from the powers that be (The Codiciers).

Let's go over the few things that got Deathwatch destroyed.

1. Lewd acts of insanity.
2. Insane acts of lewdness.
3. Behavior that will get on the Codiciers "To Purify" List.


Update coming after God-Emperor-mas.

#8
Leethal

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Update: Okay, I lied. No update.

I misplaced my WH0k FanFic notebook.

Will post up Ch2 ASAP.

#9
Leethal

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The Saga of Raka Thunderhoof
Written and Dictated by Raka Thunderhoof
Peer Reviewed by Inq. Jun von Drummond


Chapter Two: The Purging of Chaos Things and Xeno Things* (Comments of Inq. JvD in Bold)

Upon a sorely miscalculated use of Imperial forces, the greatest Librarian in the history of the White Scars Chapter, nay, the Imperium since the time of the Emperor; Raka Thunderhoof was sent towards the Outer Rim. (Supposedly banished with a Company to ensure he didn't do anything rash.) Beguiled by tales of claiming new worlds in the name of the Emperor, and Raka's Honor, Raka Thunderhoof was misled by the Chapter Master. When Raka Thunderhoof will have his revenge when HE is Supreme Grandmaster of the Chapter As Well As Supreme Librarian Head Honcho Man. (I hope not.) On the planet Incare, we have received reports of Traitor Marines. (The planet Incare WAS famous for its Astartes Worship, often in fashioning rudimentary mockeries of power armor in many colors; was also the Homeworld of the Rainbow Marines.) The most vile evil this universe knows! Second only to the infamy of Raka Thunderhoof's lack of glory and renown! For Raka Thunderhoof can totally out-duel Commissar What's His Face and his sidekick Gurgen or whatever. (I assume he is talking about Commissar Cain and his Null aide Jurgen) The Traitor Marines called themselves the Rainbow Marines. (Rainbow Marines disappeared after this, assumed entire Chapter was lost) What sort of foul Chaos sorcery they have tapped into have surely distorted the way their eyes work, for there was nothing rainbow about them. The machinations of Chaos are cruel. Despite having proper Imperial Codes and love for the Emperor, it was obviously a well thought out Chaos plot to ambush, ensnare, and then possibly suck out the essence of undistiled awesome from Raka Thunderhoof. Appropriate measures had to be taken. (Needless to say, if one were to have a problem, one could file a formal letter of complaint. Although it is a bit hard when you are about to die)

Captain Kano reluctantly agreed to my battle plan, lest he feel the full fury of my eyes; behind which the wrath of the Emperor lay! (Security logs show that Captain Kano was locked inside a Dreadnought sarcophagi for the duration of this campaign.) First to punish the citizens of the planet! For they were found wanting as they allowed this Chaos taint onto their souls. Chaplain Ro Boarson was unfortunately rendered unconscious from a nasty fall which Raka Thunderhoof had nothing to do with. (Was found to have suffered a concussion from a blunt instrument hitting the back of his head from atop a staircase) Raka Thunderhoof took it upon himself to cleanse the planet with virus bombs. Followed by nova bombs, and then lancing the planet into itty bitty pieces, upon which the glorious White Scars would land on the remains of the planet and hold it in the name of the Emperor! (Needless to say Captain Kano got out of his sarcophagi and prevented the deployment of White Scar forces upon the remains of a planet) Despite grumbling from the crew, and the Company, Raka Thunderhoof had received a vision from the God-Emperor! (Highly doubtful)The God-Emperor spake, "Raka Thunderhoof, damn you awesome. If I was still around I'd name you to be my successor. But I'm here on other news yo. Them colonists yo, they be the Chaosites. Fa sho son. Take them out. Word. Peace!" As we laid waste to the Chaos Marines and the civilians, we observed the weak fools laying prostate in front of a golden idol of a man clad in power armor on a golden throne. Fools! We smashed their false god in the Emperor's name!(Possibly a statue of gold in the Emperor's form. HOW and WHY he failed to recognize this is far too much a headache to delve into) ONLY THE PURE CAN PREVAIL! So spake Raka Thunderhoof as he single-handily destroyed the enemy! (With the help of a Strike Cruiser and an obscene amounts of munitions and the lack of a defense due to the belief that "They wouldn't put a complete loon in charge of a strike cruiser!" Never assume.)

Upon leaving the remains of Incare, we stumbled upon "Primalis". A world once inhabited by proper humans in high gravity. In the past it had become apparent that they have been invaded by grotesque human mockeries. (I assume these were the sub-humans called "Ogryns") We set to purge the planet for defiling the God-Emperor's beloved form. These xenogen will pay! The humans who died from their invasion will at last have their vengeance! These xenogens looked like humans but there are no similarities beyond body design, organs, blood, immune systems and etc. Small facts worth no detail. (Strangely this wasn't enough to deter his plans at glory...)Apothecary Drumma spoke out, "You fool! These are Ogyrns!". Raka Thunderhoof finally understood. (No he didn't) These ogres must pay the price! Destroy them all! Sadly, as Raka Thunderhoof proclaimed this, Captain Kano, Chaplain Boarson, and Apothecary Drumma all suffered a fall that rendered them unconscious for the rest of the campaign. (Once again from blunt force trauma to the back of the head from atop a staircase) Raka Thunderhoof is not at fault here. (Highly doubtful) There is no evidence to the contrary. Apothecary Drumma informed after the cleansing that these "Ogryns" were in fact 99.9% human. (Once again, ignorant and oblivious) Such xenogen species could infiltrate a society and take it over and still maintain most of their victims genetic makeup?! If such a power fell into the Tyranids claws, we are surely doomed! Too bad Tyranids are as smart as a brick house. (From this statement, it is safe to assume that Raka Thunderhoof did not at all read the field instruction manual on Tyranids, their sub-types, and the workings of Genestealers and Genestealer Cults) These gene-snatchers must be exterminated for such xenogen must not prosper lest humanity is taken over by the xeno scum without a fight!

Strangely these "Ogryn"; a quaint word the Apothecary made, had a warcry that was almost blasphemous to hear. It was along the lines of "Fo Da Em Pa Ra!" Whatever that means in Xeno. Probably means "Come Space Marine, cleanse us of our xeno filth and dirt!" (I believe they were screaming "For The Emperor", but with their mental regression seems likely.) But that is a job for the useless females in the Sorotias who spend too much time learning "languages". Such work is beneath the likes of Raka Thunderhoof. For he only knows how to kick ass, and have some underling take names.(Once again. Doubtful he can kick ass, or have find an underling to take names. But what does an Inquisitor know...)

So Ends Chapter Two.

Edited by Leethal, 30 December 2009 - 02:11 AM.


#10
Leethal

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The Saga of Raka Thunderhoof
Written and Dictated by Raka Thunderhoof
Peer Reviewed by Inq. Jun von Drummond


Chapter 3: The Coward Lords (Comments by Inq. JvD in bold)

Upon the blighted world of Noxium Secundus, the Traitor Legion, the Night Lords laid siege to the populace. It is with great distinction that the great Librarian Raka Thunderhoof was summoned to destroy this great threat.(Sadly he was summoned, apparently was the closest Loyalist Force) Night Lord strength was estimated as in the hundreds, if not dozens upon dozens.(Was actually 14 Space Marines) To quell rumors that Raka Thunderhoof had no actual combat experience, Raka Thunderhoof single handily ventured forth to glory and to stop the cancer that is Chaos from destroying Noxium.(Yes, after all destroying planets and the populace from the safety of a Strike Cruiser does do anything for one's combat prowess)

On the surface of a planet of perpetual darkness, Raka Thunderhoof soon became bored of the Coward Lords hit and run antics.No doubt ignorant of Night Lords combat tactics) Tired of the battlefield of dark corners, narrow alleys, and the pitch black, Raka Thunderhoof climbed the tallest tower, and called the leader of the Coward Lords to a glorious hand to hand combat.(In reality insulted the Commander of the Night Lords for countless hours on a vox-caster) Heedless of the danger that Raka Thunderhoof, himself posed, the greatest swordsman of all the Imperium since the dawn of time.(This coming from the Space Marine who gets regularly beaten by Scout Initiates) Greater than any old Blood Angel, greater than the Primarchs themselves. (Highly doubtful) Immediately the Lord of the Coward Lords came out to duel, brandishing his lightning claws and screaming his praises to the Dark Gods. (More likely anger at Raka, rather than praising the Dark Gods) Instantly when the duel began, Raka Thunderhoof knew that he would not need his pysker prowess to defeat such a weak fool.

Barely two seconds into the battle, the traitor Space Marine fell by Raka Thunderhoof's mighty skill of the blade. Raka threw aside his force-blade, and shot the Night Lord Commander in the face with a plasma pistol) Emboldened by Raka Thunderhoof's success, the White Scars won the day. So was Raka Thunderhoof's first glorious ground campaign came to an end.
(Night Lords were outnumbered 6 to 1)

#11
Skirax

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He, I can actually imagined which person in my school that would be, it's really funny Leethal.
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-->The Return of the Warmaster; From the shadows he comes...
-->The Rise of the Warmaster; The Wolftime approaches...
-->The Time of Ending; The End of Days is upon us!
 
The International Brotherhood Of Hobbyists

It depresses me that a squad of ten Imperial Guard Cadians now costs the same as twenty did almost four years ago