On one such penal world, the Great Teachers arose. They were huge, towering, brutes of immense strength and speed. It is said they brought civilization back to the uncivilized. Crimes around them came to an end, whether it was due to respect or fear is not known. These Great Teachers saw the Emperor as a god among men and as time passed they began to share that belief with the other inmates. They taught them how to free their minds from a world where their bodies were forever locked away
Your previous statement says all those who moved against the Emperor got dumped on Penal worlds. Now, on these Penal Worlds, people who love the Emperor are just showing up and taking the lead?
Lorgar was an unusually pious Primarch. While other Legions were rapidly conquering planet after planet, the Word Bearers proceeded much more slowly, as they would build temples and shrines in veneration of the Emperor, who was also deemed the God of the Imperium by Lorgar, on each newly conquered planet. All forms of blasphemy and heresy that threatened the Emperor's realm, all manner of ancient scrolls, books, artworks and icons were burned and smashed before the advancing ranks of the Legion. In their place, vast monuments and cathedrals, all dedicated to the Emperor, were erected upon the mounds of dead of those who had resisted conversion. The greatest Chaplains of the Legion produced enormous works on the divinity and righteousness of the Emperor, and Lorgar himself delivered countless speeches and sermons, converting millions to the Emperor with his words alone.
However, the Emperor was not pleased with the lack of progress the Word Bearers were showing, and was even more dismayed at their religious zeal; one of the main goals of the Great Crusade was to free Humanity from the ignorance of religion. And so the Emperor personally reprimanded Lorgar, informing him that the mission of the Space Marines was for battle, not faith. Lorgar was said to mourn the Emperor's command for a month, speaking to nobody, wearing only the barest robes. The Emperor was about to reprimand the Legion again for their lack of action when news reached him that the Word Bearers had gone back on the offensive, and this time, worlds fell before them in rapid order.
After being admonished by the Emperor, Lorgar changed and turned to the Chaos Gods. He knew that not all his marines would turn to the Chaos, but rather then just slaughtering them like other fallen Primarchs did he had other plans. As pious as Lorgar was, he was just as wise and devious. He sent the marines he knew would not turn to Terra, his orders were for them to study the Imperial Truth so that they could share with their brothers.
The work of these loyal Word Bearers did much to cover Lorgar's plans from suspicious eyes and minds. While Lorgar continued the Great Crusade halfheartedly, these marines gave him time, time to plot. When Horus turned against the Emperor in the name of Chaos, Lorgar and his treacherous Word Bearers quickly joined the rebellion, and the worlds they had conquered since their conversion also joined, having been secretly corrupted by the Word Bearers.
Lorgar himself lead part of his Legion against Terra, where he helped smash down the realm of the master he had once served with the fanaticism of a zealot. The Word Bearer Space Marines, around one thousands, at the Temple on Terra remained loyal to the Emperor and fought against their Primarch and brothers. In the end, Horus was defeated, and the legions of Chaos were forced to flee. The Word Bearers were also forced to retreat to the Eye of Terror, and there they have remained, returning to the Imperium to raid, pillage, and destroy.
This just seems to be slightly reworded rehash of the Word Bearers' IA? Is it really necessary? I think this could be condensed to:"Lorgar's tale of treachery and betrayal is well known. The less known story is of the small contingent of Word Bearers who remained loyal to the Emperor. Unwilling to tip his hand to earlier, or reveal his radically shifted alliance, Lorgar sent these loyal marines to Terra, under the guise of studying the Imperial Truth. It was these marines who inadvertently did the most to cover the treachery of their brothers. These loyalist Word Bearers did many good works, generating much good will for their Legion, good will that Lorgar would twist and abuse in the coming days of the Crusade. When the Horus Heresy exploded, these loyal marines stood with their Emperor, eventually battling their own brothers at the final battle of the Siege of Terra."
In the end, it was the survivors own words that damned them. The survivors felt true guilt for Lorgar and their brother's actions. The survivors were held accountable, convicted of belonging to a heretic legion and sentenced to be imprisoned for life. They were locked away where they could do no harm to the Imperium. It was those 18 loyal Word Bearers that were the Great Teachers, founders of the Order on Zel Primus.
If they were convicted of this, why wouldn't they just be put to death? It's like the Imperium is real big on mercy...
Under direct orders of the High Lords, the Adeptus Mechanicus called upon the venerated Grey Knights Chapter of the Adeptus Astartes to train a new chapter of Space Marines as part of the 19th Founding. The Grey Knight training cadre of aged veterans, along with an Inquisitor of the Ordo Malleus, were provided geneseed from an unspecified source and ordered to travel to Zel Primus. Once there, they were to coordinate with the Order housed there and recruit for a chapter to be known as the White Hand.
And there it goes. Sorry, but that just does not vibe. Grey Knights trained chapter? I just... Cannot get behind this, sorry. Not trying to just too harshly or anything, but this seems entirely unnecessary. Inquisitorial presence, yes. Grey Knights... No. Please.
Song of Redemption - Prior to a battle, the Company Chaplain leads the troops in the Song of Redemption. This prepares the company to fight the enemies of the Emperor and die with honor. By the time the battle starts, they all act with a single mind. They press forward and fight till either the battle is won or they are dead. The sound of their singing continues to reverberate across the battle line as they fight and does not end until the battle is done.
Ritual of Combat – From the beginning, the Great Teachers taught the other inmates that a strong body was as important as a strong mind. Like the Shaolin monks of old, they practice the martial arts daily to build their bodies and calm their minds.
Ritual of Cleansing – The flesh is weak and driven to sin. Only through pain can it be purged. The bodies of the members of the Order and chapter are covered with scars from years of self mutilation and cleansing.
Rites of the Order - The final phase of becoming a Space Marine, the gaining of the geneseed. Many that undergo this rite do not survive. It is believed that they have found favor in the eyes of the Emperor. The rest were unworthy and returned as Space Marines so that they may, through heroic deeds, find the much sought favor.
Death Rites – Death is celebrated as a release from sin and the torment of life. Funerals are a celebration and not a time of mourning. Anyone outside the Order or chapter would find this highly disturbing to say the least.
Bones of the Great Teachers - The bones of the Great Teachers are objects of reverence. The skulls watch over the main hall of the temple. One bone, normally a finger bone, is presented to each company of the Chapter and adorns its battle standard and small slivers of bone are awarded to the most honored. Until the loss of the 4th company, no bones have ever been lost.
Librium Veritate - The Book of the Truth. Written by the Teachers before their deaths. The original is kept in the monastery and copies are carried by company Chaplains.
These are cool and all, but I think they might be better served in a sidebar. They don't add a lot to the IA or the feel of the Chapter. A sidebar is definitely a good spot.
The White Hand Chapter prefers close quarter combat. Their assault squads are reserved for the most experienced and proficient members of the chapter. They throw themselves at the enemy in waves and its said that they have never retreated from battle. Though they often suffer great losses, they do not see this as a drawback. Their belief that to die in battle serving the Emperor is the path to redemption drives them forward.
This seems to just be a collection of facts and sentences. No real good flow between the sentences, and the paragraphs just reads as a type of bulletin.
The Frozen Fortress Monastery of the White Hand
I dunno if a picture of the Scarlet Monastery from WoW is a good pic for a Fortress Monastery
I could be wrong though haha. But yes... I recognize the picture.
For reasons known only to the High Lords of Terra, the White Hand Chapter is always accompanied by a representative from the Ordo Malleus. The Inquisitor seems to simply be observing the chapter, and has only pressed them into Inquisitorial service twice since the chapters founding.
Interesting but how does this add to the chapter? What are the two incidents? This seems to just be thrown in there, without a lot of linking to the rest of the chapter.
All in all, very good entry. I like their belief system, and how you linked them to the Word Bearers. I do have questions and suggestions as listed above
Some things seem random and disconnected, but the majority is really really. Well done good sir.
Edited by Shinzaren, 06 November 2010 - 12:57 AM.