IA: Fists of Vengeance
IT: Angels of Ecstasy
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On the scale mismatch of bolts and bolters by Coldfyre
Commissar Molotov's Castigators - Essential reading for IA Creation.
"...I have seen the birth of this world and I have seen its death. I walked with the first men and I shared a beer with the last. For me everyone is both old and young at the same time as a million lifetimes pass before my eyes and humanity is like the grains of sand in the desert, each breath to me a sigh in the vast never-ending vacumn of space."
The folowing post is full of harsh, straightforward and honest opinions. You ask for it.
Edited by NightrawenII, 08 January 2011 - 02:54 PM.
It may seem counterintuitive but in ancient warfare, fleeing from battle was usually a good way to get oneself killed.
~ Jeffrey R. Cox - Cascading Failure: The Roman Disaster at Adrianople AD 378
Give the peasants neither life nor death.
~ Tokugawa Ieyasu
Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.
~ Blaise Pascal
[I don't like to comment names, because it's the matter of taste and preference, but in this case I make a exception. 'Fist of Vengeance' sound better than Avenging Fists.
Fist(s) of Vengeance is growing on me
[i]For my family, I wept. For my Kingdom, I bled. For my Emperor, I burn. – King Bertrand, 11 th King of Arden, 1st Chapter Master of the Avenging Fists[/i]
- Gene-seed work only for pre-pubertal males, because it's keyed on the changes in the puberty. Just saying.
Darn it, I knew that. Easily fixed though...young prince, son of Bertrand, gets recruited. I'll have to change the quote though.
The Avenging Fists were founded in the 32nd Millennium as part of the Sixth Founding. The Imperial Fists had been fighting an Ork fleet and followed a damaged Rok that had spun off from the rest of the fleet. The rok crashed onto an uncharted planet and so the Imperial Fists rediscovered the medieval planet of Grindelor, lost since the Age of Technology.
- Uhm, what? How is the foundation of the as heck connected with Imperial Fists force fighting some Orks on some Emperor-forgotten planet?
I didn't phrase it well, sorry. Basically, I wanted the Imperial Fists to stumble onto a forgotten backwater where medival humans were holding there own against feral orks, with the humans adapting to new tactics and technology. Imperial Fists show up, take over and eradicate the rest of the ork infestation. Reports from the Imperial Fists back to Terra tell of the tenacity of the humans of Grindelor, High Lords of Terra task the Imperial Fists to assist in the creation of a new chapter.
Due to the need to combat Eldar and Ork forces in the area, the High Lords of Terra instructed the Imperial Fists
- 1st, there is something missing. I see that. Oops. What was supposed to be there is summarised above.
- 2nd, Chapter aren't founded like that. Did you read the Guide I have posted in the previous thread? *If you look up atop of this forum, you can find Guide to DIY sticky.* I did, and I thought I avoided most of the don'ts and adhered to most of the do's. I'll look into it further and adjust as needed
- Total waste of text. What is the contribution of this story to the Article? Or (what si more important) to the nature of you Chapter?
I thought it contributed the reason as to the chapter being ork fighters, plus as a reinforcement of belief in emperor as god.
- Another thing to consider. Once you have the Orks on the world, it's hard to impossible to get rid of them.
True. But I wanted to mitigate this for a few things. I want to have a reason in the planets biosphere that maybe slightly inhibits ork spore generation. Maybe the indiginous pigs root out the orks in the fungoid stage like so much truffles! I also envisioned that the ork infestation, while significant from a grindelorean perspective, would be small comparatively to the "typical" infestation.
The Avenging Fists differ from most chapters in that they worship the Emperor as a god.
- You are walking a rather shadowy path here. After the induction into Chapter the recruits are re-educated in the terms of history and belief. It is possible, but considering your Chapter is of the 6th Founding, it is rather odd for them to have such belief.
I'm willing to edit many things, but the belief in the Imperial God is not one of them. I really have a strong vision about this. If everything else is identical to a bland Ultramarines army, so be it. I'll tread the shadowy path here.
Consequently, there have been many a heroic stand with no witnesses left as the Avenging Fists have gone down in a blaze of glory rather than retreat.
- Rather dangerous behaviour for Space Marines, since survival of the Chapter depends on the gene-seed recovery.
Good point and duly noted. Wording will change to reflect more of a rearguard/last out option rather than futile sacrifice.
The Avenging Fists favor flame and melta weapons. As such, lascannons are unavailable to any Avenging Fists Squad, but Heavy Flamers are available to all Avenging Fist Squad allowed to take Heavy Weapons.
- Unnecessary information. It is better to keep the tabletop out of DIY.
The Avenging Fists are a Codex Chapter for the most part. Subterfuge and stealth are not generally valued by the chapter, so scouts do not have the option of camo cloaks and do not infiltrate.
= dead scouts. Really. I see it as scouts fulfilling a different function. Scouts on bikes, well scouting as forward observers. This chapter goes into battle with smoking braziers, bells, chants and music. Camo is not their "thing".
- Again, how do you represent your Chapter on the TT is irrelevant for DIY. Ok, thank you.
so far so good.
i would also agree that although the beleif in a god-emperor is incredibly rare for an astartes, it does break the mould of the normal astartes beleifs. have you thought about any conflicts this beleif may cause them? possibly with the inquisition, or other religious groups?
The Avenging Fists favor flame and melta weapons. As such, lascannons are unavailable to any Avenging Fists Squad, but Heavy Flamers are available to all Avenging Fist Squad allowed to take Heavy Weapons
While doing a little extra perusing, I realize that the vision I want with my chapter is very close to pre-heresy Word Bearers.
Edited by ringlancer, 16 January 2011 - 05:01 PM.