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Index Traitoris: The White Talons (LASC)

White Talons Traitors DIY Brother SP SP LASC Brother Argent

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#1
Brother Argent

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Imperfect Perfection: INDEX TRAITORIS - White Talons

 

White Talon Colour Scheme
gallery_36568_14038_12860.png

 

" Mercy?  I do not let you live out of some foolish notion such as mercy!  No, I do it so you know and will let other know that we were better then you.  That I was better.  Now run, weakling.  Let them know that the White Talon Legion is here and that there is no hope!" 

Jhericas Varhn, Legate of the 3rd Cohort - White Talons.

 

Origin

 

Founded during the Nineteenth Founding of the Adeptus Astartes the White Talons were created to guard over the region of space known as St Andwyn's Scar.  The Scar was an area of space known for its vast mineral wealthy and as such constantly attracted all manner of xenos, raiders and other detritus of the galaxy, as well as being prone to rebellion and sedition.  It was also hugely valuable to the Imperium for the self same reasons.  Such a rich but hugely under threat region was deemed worthy of the protection of an astartes chapter and so the White Talons were born.  Forged from the geneseed of Rogal Dorn they were tasked with securing The Scar and set off.  It was a task they set to with all the stubborn pragmatism and stubbornness associated with their primogenitor. 

 

St Andwyn's Scar was to prove no easy conquest.  Long had it been all but abandoned by the Imperium and any number of heretical despots, orkoid war bands and xenos pirates had taken over.  But its conquest was a task the White Talons set to with a grim abandon.   But despite their strength and skill they could never stay in control of the region for long.  No sooner would they quash the latest rebellion then a new orkish warband would attack or a rogue trader would petition for aid as his vessels were being attacked.  It is, perhaps, testament to the warrior cult of the White Talons that not only did they meet these threats but it was uncommon for them not to also have forces out in the Imperium at large.

 

Despite this, however, they were no fool.  Time and time again the Chapter only just managed to hold on, stretched to their very limits, and in response the Chapter Master's would send a request for aid to the High Lords or Segmentum Command.  The Chapter was woefully under resourced as their tireless making of war saw vital machinery and equipment destroyed or damaged beyond repair.  It was a long war of attrition that, without aid, the Chapter was going to loose.  Time and time again the Chapter's requests were denied or, worse still, met with nothing more then stoney silence.  Aid was not coming.  Still, true to the testament of their Primarch, the White Talons would not back down.  If they were to die then they would go out fighting for the duty they had been set.

 

This state of affairs would come to a head in the early years of M.41.  Pollonius Verro, a high ranking member of the Adeptus Administratum as well as personal friend to the Master of the Administratum, found himself grounded on the world of Ilo in the Scar, directly in the path of an Ork WAAAGH!   His death, and the death of all on Ilo, seemed assured until the arrival of the White Talons.  Deploying in almost Chapter strength they met the WAAAGH! head on.  It was a grueling battle, and one the Talon's nearly lost, but in the end their tenacity proved itself and the orks were destroyed.  Pollonius, witnessing how under supplied the Chapter was and grateful for the aid, promised aid and support to the beleaguered defenders of the Scar.  It seemed as though the White Talons may have been saved.

 

Pollonius left and things seemed to go back to usual in the Scar.  Nothing was heard from the High Lords and the Chapter returned to its duty, slowly replenishing its numbers.  When all hope had been all but lost for the promised aid word arrived of a great convoy enroute from Segmentum command.  Jubilation soon turned to bitter disappointment, however, when the nature of the promised aid arrived.  This was no shipment of weaponry or arms from the forges of Mars but rather a whole new Chapter, formed in the most recent founding, to help pacify the Scar.  To make matter worse this new Chapter, The Warborne, had been equipped with a vast surplus of the greatest and best equipment that could be afforded.  Worse still Pollonius himself led the convoy and, upon arriving in the Scar, declared the newly founded Warborne as the stewards of St. Andwyn's Scar and that the White Talons could rest, now that this new Chapter could achieve their duty for them.

 

Such a slight on the honour of the White Talons was not overlooked easily.  Forced to fight on with depleted and obsolete weaponry and machines the White Talons began to obsess over proving themselves the better warriors.  They had long held the Scar and they were not about to be shown up by a newly minted Chapter, particularly one of the geneseed of the Ultramarines.  When the two Chapter's were forced to fight alongside each other the White Talons would go out of their way to prove themselves the better, even going so far as to have laud hailers playing on repeat over loyal cities promoting the Talons whilst, at the same time, surreptitiously casting slander on the Warborne.  The Warborne in turn ignored such slights, instead choosing the path of words over actions.  Finally, on the world of Atium, the resentment nearly cost the Imperium a victory when the White Talons intentionally fed false information to the Warborne commanders, leaving them exposed and far from the conflict, whilst the White Talons struck at the heart of the enemy.  The glory hungry Talons, however, found themselves outmatched and it was only after the commitment and subsequent decimation of several regiments of the Imperial Guard that the enemy was broken and victory assured.  The actions of the White Talons didn't go unnoticed, however, as agents of the Inquisition happened to be on Ilos.  The Talons were called to answer for their reckless actions and, facing Imperial censure, returned to their homeworld having been sworn to longer compete with the Warborne.

 

It was not a punishment taken lightly.  Swearing that if the Imperium would not help them then they would help themselves Chapter Master Tyrios declared waht would become known as the White Legion Protocol.  Renaming themselves the White Talon Legion the White Talons began to recruit far beyond the number proscribed by the Codex, training and outfitting new marines in secret.  Demanding tithes from the worlds of the Scar under their protection they kept their companies, renamed cohorts, seperate so as to disguise their number.  Tyrios made to ensure that their would be no need to try to prove themselves greater then the new blooded Warborne if he ensured that his Chapter was more then capable to performing their duty.  Soon fully a third of the worlds of Saint Andwyn's Scar were sworn to compliance and tithe to the Talons, their rulers being either watched or completely replaced by agents of the Chapter.  The White Talons had established themselves not as wardens of the Scar but rather rulers.  Whilst outwardly loyal to the Imperium and humanity it is rumoured that it is during this time that the perfidious influences of Chaos began to creep in to Chapter command.  Others believe that the Chapter as a whole was actually free from dark influence until after their fall.

 

This sudden attempt to fully control the Scar didn't go unnoticed by their fellow Chapter set to guard the region.  Attempting to avoid conflict the Chapter Master of the Warborne, Leonides, met with an honour guard with Chapter Master Tyrios on the Talon's homeworld.  What exactly transpired in the meetings that followed are unknown beyond the two masters and their honour guards.  Neither side seemed to be able to reach an agreement.  The cause of following events aren't entirely clear but at some point slight was taken by one of the White Talons honour guard, Lycarus, the Chapter Champion and he subsequently challenged Chapter Master Leonides to a duel.  It was a duel the Warborne Chapter Master couldn't deny and the two met in combat.  Although supposed to only be a duel to first blood it would result in Leonides slain by Lycarus' hand and in the following chaos the Warborne delegation was slain, with only one managing to escape to return to his Chapter, claiming that Leonides was murdered.  The Warborne were enraged, launching an attack on the White Talons.  This move would prove their undoing, however, as not only were the White Talons a much more experienced Chapter they now had the advantage of far greater numbers.  The Warborne soon found themselves on the defensive and were rapidly pushed back to their own homeworld.  As the decimated Chapter looked to the skies as the White Talon ships drew in around the world the war would turn in against the Talons.

 

It is perhaps a testament to just how much the Imperium had learned from the fall of the Astral Claws how hard the hammer blow would fall on the Talons.  Hearing of the conflict the High Lords sent a crusade to stop the White Talons in their tracks consisting of not only vast numbers of the Imperial Guard and Knights but also a mission of the Adepta Sororitas and forces of no less then four fellow astartes Chapters.  This would not be a second Badab War.  Relieving the beleaguered Warborne the combined forces begun a systematic assault against the White Talons. Despite their enhanced number the White Talons could do little against the crusade and soon the Imperial Fleet drew in around the Chapter's homeworld.  No offer of quarter or surrender was given as a barrage from the ships in orbit blasted apart the Talon's Librarium before the ground invasion begun.

 

The Battle of the Eyrie would be a long drawn out conflict but one that would eventually lead to an Imperial victory.  What remained on the White Talons fled into space as Chapter Master Tyrios met his end at the hand of the Iron Herald Chapter Master Seric Desarro and proof of his corruption was revealed.  Despite the best efforts of loyal forces a great many of the White Talons were able to escape into space from the many worlds under their command.  The White Talons were defeated and broken, but not destroyed.

 

Rumours have since grown of a new figure having risen to reunite the shattered remnants of the White Talons.  These forces, having long fled from humanities light, have long succumbed to the influences of the ruinous powers.  This new figure, rumoured to be Lycarus but only going by the name the Cowled Prince, is seeking to reforge the White Talon Legion.  He has started to scour the galaxy to reform what was lost.  The scourge of the White Talons is long from gone.

 

Organisation

- Highly organised for traitor,

- Still follow warped version of the Codex.

- Have "Cohorts" that are tasked by current leader

- Still semi mercenary but all in a mission to prove themselves superior and to push themselves to perfection

 

Beliefs

- Obsessed with being "Perfect warriors"

 

Combat Doctrines

- Large number of cultists and Slaneesh daemons

- Otherwise very codex.

 

Geneseed

- Maintain Apothecarium (of sorts) 

 

Symbol

gallery_36568_14038_5055.jpg But the claw is white


Edited by Brother Argent, 28 March 2021 - 09:24 AM.

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#2
Brother Argent

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Okay so it has been quite some time since I started an article here but here it is.  These guys shall be my Primaris faction for the Iron Gauntlet 2017.  Here is my first draft (finally) of my mercenary Slaanesh/Tzeentch traitor warband.  Needs a LOT of polish but there it is.

 

Have at it Liberites.


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#3
joschlumpf

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First of all sorry, that it took me so long to reply :)

 

Two things occured to me:

 

1. Why are they called WHITE Talons if their Armour is blue and black?

2. Why did some of the Marines turned to Slaanesh? That may be an interesting background story.

 

You should also make the text a little bigger, its partially hard to read (at least as a non-native speaker)



#4
Donkey Kong

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I'm sorry, Silver, but I just don't find this one all that interesting.

 

I thought you were going to go with a flesh-change mutation curse, but you explained it as conventional solar radiation mutation. I'm not sure I like either, though. The flesh-change marked by Tzeentch warp curse would be the worst kind of derivative copy and paste. Conventional radiation is just mundane and doesn't really explain anything. It's all the more strange to have this sort of mutation in an Ultramarine successor when they're supposed to be the most genetically stable as opposed to a Raven Guard or Salamanders successor.

 

I don't know why their piety matters. It's the underlying reason for the conflict with the Warborne, but besides that it doesn't really matter. If the Chapter is so pious and faithful, you'd think that they'd fall on their swords after witnessing their mutation similar to Black Templar brothers discovering their latent witchery.

 

I didn't get Slaaneshi at all. You mention Lirios and his warband are slaanesh worshippers, but that's about it.

 

The whole thing reads like a short story synopsis instead of an article.

 

I fully admit that I'm probably a bad person to ask about this since I don't like the Chaos warbands and renegade marines in general.



#5
The Pariah

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Alright SP. After reading through what you've done and while you have a good timeline to follow, what you now need to do is go into more detail on the why and how these things impact your warband. For example, you bring up that tge warband has this split between Tzeentch and Slaanesh; how come your leader was swayed to his/her/its service and what drew others into following Tzeentch and a newcomer to the warband? And how does this effect the dynamic of the warband? Is it more two groups who share the same base or do they work together on raids? Has there been conflict between the two parties?

Another thing to consider is the part the Herald plays with the White Talons. What makes the scattered White Talons swear to follow it? How does the Herald work with the marines falling to both Slaanesh and Tzeentch? Perhaps he his his own cult within the White Talons that act as diplomats in the Warband?

Just things for you to consider.

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New Blog coming soon.

 

 

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#6
Brother Argent

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Thanks for all the feedback guys and sorry I haven't replied earlier.  Circumstances beyond my control have prevented me from doing much of anything of recent.  I intend on writing a detailed reply and start the rework in the next few days but please remember this is just my origins section, as per the requirements of the challenge.  You all raise great points though and it is something I hope to address shortly.  Thanks again for your feedback.


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#7
NovemberIX

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Here's to hoping this bump is a nudge to get back to working on this ;)

 

This is gonna sound kinda funny, but I like the first half, and the last half, it's somewhere around the middle that things got a little muddy. While I can see echoes of the Word Bearers in their fall from faith, it sorta betrays the first half of what you wrote. Now as for their betrayal, it kinda feels like it comes out of nowhere, and that may be the intent, it paints the Lord Commander as someone easily influenced (which he might be) given how quickly it goes from "wai wai, the warp mutated them, and I don't like them" to full on Imperial Censure, wouldn't there be an inquisitor involved somewhere to find out whats going on before destroying the Emperor's own Angels and their tools?

 

I really do like how things go after they've turned, there are hints of a bigger game afoot, and this is something I'd be very interested to read.



#8
Daimyo-Phaeron Lenoch

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To the White Talons with Warborne had been deliberately careless in their bombardment of Traitor positions in the area where to the Warborne the White Talons had been needlessly over cautious and allowed the Traitors a place to hide to escape the Emperor’s wrath.


This is unclear, though mainly because a word or two slipped out of the sentence. Also, which chapter was betraying the vision of Guilliman, the White Talons or the Warborne? With no reference in the beginning to the White Talons pre-betrayal beliefs and no idea where to find the Warborne/no time to look them up causes confusion as well.

warp storm of unprecedented power


Just say powerful warp storm, or perhaps 'of unprecedented powerful for its size.' One of unprecedented power would draw a heck of a lot of attention, and just says you're looking to make special snowflake, as the way it's worded now could be interpreted as being stronger than the Eye of Terror.

He knew of facilities that, when rested from their current owners


I think you mean 'wrested' here.

 It wasn’t until the Herald brought them together and made them swear that, regardless of their differences, they would work together for the united purpose of the Talons.


It wasn't until [...] that they what? Became friends? Swore not to hate each other? This is open ended and missing the end of the thought.

The Slaanesh and Tzeench bits could use better explanation, as I agree with the others. I do like how it takes millennia for the White Talons to get their revenge, but they get it eventually. Speaks to their tenacity. As a follow up, are the Warborne a throwaway chapter you created just for a rival or are they a chapter you developed elsewhere?

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#9
Legionare

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About the section "The Dragon and the Wolf": What exactly did Xerel and his sorcerers gain from that deal? If it was only the protection they gained from being part of the Talons i find it hard to believe that he hasn't tried taking command of the warband through some sinister plan (as doing that would please Tzeentch).

I would also like to ask the same question about the Warborne Captain Lenoch asked on his poat above. Are they more developed in some other place? If they are not, developing the them a bit more might be a good idea, as they are the Talons' rivals.

I'm sorry if i came out sounding like i didn't like your IA, because i did like it and i didn't mean to sound like that.

#10
Brother Argent

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*** Cringe ***

 

I said I was going to blow the dust of my loyalist IA for the challenge.  These guys I am just going to burn, bury and rewrite/completely change.

 

I am going to drop the whole Tzeentch thing.  These guys will go be in their own article, eventually.  I am going to keep the bare bones of the idea and reflesh/rework.  This one is going to basically be a redo from ground up.  But I will keep it in this post to remind me from where these guys came.


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#11
Brother Lunkhead

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Hail Brother Argent,

 

This is my first look at your post, so I'm not sure how extensive a rewrite you've done at this point. From what I see, you've got a good solid foundation for your warband. I don't see a need to drop the Tzeentch element from your story. It will add tension with the Slaanesh faction, and I think that will only make your warband more interesting.... what's Chaos without a little chaos, hehteehee.gif


 Dredgen Yor

Posted 26 April 2017 - 08:54 AM

 

Alright SP. After reading through what you've done and while you have a good timeline to follow, what you now need to do is go into more detail on the why and how these things impact your warband. For example, you bring up that tge warband has this split between Tzeentch and Slaanesh; how come your leader was swayed to his/her/its service and what drew others into following Tzeentch and a newcomer to the warband? And how does this effect the dynamic of the warband? Is it more two groups who share the same base or do they work together on raids? Has there been conflict between the two parties?

Another thing to consider is the part the Herald plays with the White Talons. What makes the scattered White Talons swear to follow it? How does the Herald work with the marines falling to both Slaanesh and Tzeentch? Perhaps he his his own cult within the White Talons that act as diplomats in the Warband?

Just things for you to consider.

 

These are still good observations, so I'm assuming you haven't done an extensive rewrite yet. So, if you haven't, my advise is don't! If what you have as of 6 Sep is the extent of your rewrite, then all you need to do at this point is flesh out  alliance and conflict aspects to your story. You already have the basics for the background story of a very fine IT warband. 

 

My only other comment at this point has to do with chapter livery. No white for the White Talons? Taking the new alliance with the Tzeentch faction I suggest a half pqttern livery of white and bluehappy.png

 

The basics look greatyes.gif .... your story just needs a little more detail. Good luck and have funbiggrin.png


Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 08 September 2019 - 05:49 PM.

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#12
Aothaine

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Can I make a small request? I'm an old man with very bad eye sight. I would love to read your article but the font is too small. Can you please increase the font size? Looking forward to your chapter's lore!



#13
Brother Argent

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And so the re-work begins.  Aiming more for willing Traitors to me Angels of Decay who went traitor just to survive.  And a colour scheme to stop the constant "Why arent they white?".  Their symbol is also basically the Brazen Claws one in white.  Going to slip in lots of eagle motives etc, kinda Roman legion like.


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#14
WarriorFish

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I was wondering when you'd return to this, looks like a good start to me but maybe I'm biased because there's some parallels with my CSM :P I think you have a nice outline to work to and expand upon, I think it would be good to build up and delve into the bitterness that creeps in at seeing the different treatment. It could be that in order to counter this the Chapter decides on a bit of propaganda? They point to their equalling (or better) of the Warborn's accomplishments and say "look at what we can do, but without the same resources".

 

This might be a decent angle to introduce their aspirations to superiority, not to mention that when more ensconced no doubt reflecting back to the Warborn to create mutual rankling - and sow the seeds for further conflict. When they get their official reprimand that would surely be a great catalyst of resentment for both sides?

 

I also think their legion building style approach could be a good opportunity also. Maybe this is an attempt to get things back under control and stave off the creeping attitude changes? The higher ups think that the best way to prevent further trouble is to make it so there's no cause for it; if the Talons can accomplish their goals without needing assistance then there's no cause for friction or complaint right..?

 

There is a lot you could play with, looking forward to seeing what you do :)


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Painting Oaths Completed:
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#15
Brother Argent

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Not going to get to flesh out these guys more before the cut off and am unsure when I will get back to doing more.  I hope that, if Cambrius does decide these are okay for the Swap Challenge, there is enough info for someone to paint one.  I hope to continue to expand it but as I am entering NaNoWriMo in an attempt to finally push myself to finish a manuscript I am unsure just home much free time I will get in the next few weeks.

 

@Warriorfish: I love the idea on the White Talon Legion being formed as a way for the Chapter to basically say "well stuff you, we'll do this on our own to show you we are better without all your shiny gubbins!" I also love the idea of propaganda.  Ties in well with their later cultist thing.  I can just imagine loud hailers on loyal planets proclaiming their great victories whilst at the same time passive aggressive trash talking the Warborn.

 

Just wish time hadn't gotten away from me...


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#16
WarriorFish

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The minimum requirements for the LASC aren't much - it's mostly to help get articles started. I think the majority of participants will be completing their articles proper at some point in the future so it's not a problem smile.png Writing requires a lot of creative juices so it's important to have the tanks high when writing, otherwise you'll struggle to get results - much like painting (except it's a lot easier to undo stuff you wrote...).

 

There's a lot you can play with if you do chose to adopt some of my ideas, maybe with the higher echelons can see the potential harm and there ends up a sort fight for the soul of the chapter but tragedy occurs and a main element of this is lost, and things boil over? The trick with any fall to Chaos is working it in as death by a thousand cuts; it's not usually quick.

 

Of course this is easier said than done, as time does not progress in an article msn-wink.gif So instead you need to mimic this with more words laugh.png That's one of the current goals for my warband's article; I have the main "checkpoints" for their fall but need to colour it in as it were. This is the real meat of any index piece though - otherwise we'd just have some bullet points in our WIP topics tongue.png

 

It sounds like you have the core idea down so it's a matter of polish and tweaks? There's nothing like developing the article for giving you new ideas too!


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Painting Oaths Completed:
gallery_30308_3239_28.gifgallery_30308_3239_28.gifgallery_30308_3239_102.gifgallery_30308_3239_84.gifgallery_30308_3239_42.gifgallery_30308_3239_102.gifgallery_30308_3239_102.gifgallery_30308_3239_102.gifgallery_30308_3239_102.gifgallery_30308_3239_42.gifgallery_30308_3239_28.gifgallery_30308_3239_102.gifgallery_30308_3239_42.gifgallery_30308_3239_102.gifgallery_30308_3239_102.gif
gallery_30308_3239_42.gifgallery_30308_3239_102.gifgallery_30308_3239_42.gif
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#17
Brother Argent

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Okay so restarted the rework.  Have actually written the origins out now.  Far longer then intended and still more to do but at least it should give people and idea on who they are.  With three more articles to work up I will leave them at here for now.


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#18
Trokair

Trokair

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Having only read the newest version, I can only guess at the shifts and changes that has happened since the earlier version based on what others have said, but as a revision it appears to have been extensive.

 

While the Imperium making its own problem by neglecting a force under stress until it breaks is all too common, I do feel that you need a little more of a reason for the rebellion. You have the stress that the chapter is under, you have a trigger point (the fatal duel) and somewhat justifiable reasons,  but I think you need something more, as even a duel gone bad could have been resolved or at least defused more diplomatically if the chapter had wanted to. To react with an attempt to cover it up (as I assume the killing of the delegation was) there needs to be something more.

 

Maybe Leonides had orders from on high (and it would need to be very high to have a chapter mast obey it) that if the White Talons did not ‘behave’ themselves he was to deliver them an ultimatum of go on a penitent crusade, or be declared forfeit.  Something like that could have pushed them further over the edge, both by attacking their honour/past actions and by giving them more of a justification to break with a corrupt Imperium. Actual chaos corruption can then come later (if it wasn’t already there unseen).


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Facing the Unknown , Facing the Unknown II
 

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