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IA: The Warminds (Draft 3.1 - now with more Quelled stuff)

Ace Debonair The Silver Circle Glastheim Rifts Warminds DIY Liber Astartes And so it begins again Homecoming

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#26
Ace Debonair

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Hoo boy, I didn't expect this thread to be this busy! biggrin.png
Right, back to work:
 

Well, you didn't keep me waiting long!
I think you are onto something with the direction you're going with your theme.
 
I don't love bright green and brown on marines, so I like the Quelled version of the heraldry more. 
Perhaps you could make it less Salamander-y, but when all is said and done, it's down to your personal taste.


To be fair, it looks at least twenty times better on the models I've painted than in the painter image. sweat.gif
There's a full squad of five Warminds now, I'll be sure to get a picture of them next time I get a day off (probably next month at this rate, haha)

 

The History section feels a little chaotic, but there are good ideas in there. 
I feel that you may benefit from expanding some of the background for the Ghastheim Rift (why is it so emportant to deserve not one but three marines Chapters for its defence?) and perhaps even some battles.


Actually, there's five (Well...eventually six) Chapters. ermm.gif
I know that sounds like total overkill, but it's something that's going to build up over a long time.

You're right though - I'm starting to think some kind of 'Overview' thread like Kelborn had/has for his Dominion of Storms/Vraccarian Rift might help clarify the amount of stuff going on in and around Glastheim.
 

Waagh [REDACTED] sounds pretty important for the history of the Chapter. How did they adapt to face their costant enemy? Did they develop a particular enmity towards the greenskins, or a particular expertise in this field?
The same goes for the Inferash and their Primastic Battleships. Am I missing something here? Who are these people? I need to know!


I literally made the Inferash up on the spot - you've now got all the information I have on them!

Waaaagh [REDACTED] is going to be my next xenos side in development. I've got them all figured out (sort of) except for the name, and will expand on them as necessary when I don't have to type [REDACTED] quite so much!
 

I like the overall Chapter feel and behaviour.
Somewhat resigned, but determined, powerful but restrained, reflective while an (almost) inevitable doom is coming to claim them.
I enjoyed reading their diplomatic side. They are about to die, but will have lots of friends around their bed! Perhaps you could explore this side of the Warminds even further. What are their relationship with the wider Imperium? How do they behave towards the populace of the Ghasteim Rift?


Good thinking. That is something I'll need to think over a bit more!
 

Geffen sounds like a good recruiting world, but I would add another pinch of Grimdark to really drive home their desperate struggle for survival. What lenghts do they have to go to in order to see another day? I suspect this may cause them do develop a certain nihilistic and passionate worldview, something that the Chapter could work with (they battle against impending doom aswell, but perhaps they would smooth the more cynical aspects of their recruits teaching them a monastic approach to life? I'm picturing the Master of Recruits as some sort of Buddha in front of some bratty ganger they just recruited, funny as it is).
 
Hope my feedback helps. 
 
Cheers!

I mean, the population is literally fighting each other to get enough food to keep their people alive. I can't think of any homeworld outside of Nostramo that was quite that grim in the canon, off the top of my head.

But you're right in a sense, in that there's zero mention of the obvious fix for this situation - cannibalism. The Warminds won't allow that to happen much amongst the Farm Clans, and the Raiders that turn to it will often find themselves without anyone willing to work with them, but it probably deserves a mention!
 
 

I didn't expect Triggered 'didn't think this through' Redshirt to make it to the history books.


You won the thread. There had to be some kind of prize! happy.png
 

And I can't help but think this [REDACTED] is code for [name pending]. Since when anyone in the Imperium bothers to cover the existence of orks, after all?


Spot on. I'm just working out a name (and waiting until the Warminds are mostly done) before I get to work on this particular band of orks.

 

From the name of their ships, I'm picturing the Harmony from the first Endless Space when I imagine the Inferash Tribune. Not that I actually played that game's only expansion. Whatever they may truly be—have been, since they apparently made their last stand in M40—they wouldn't be the first species to be mentioned in the lore as battling against space marines. It's 'minor civilizations' like that that helps remind the Milky Way is an enormous place, both in matters of time and space.


I hadn't heard of Endless Space or the Harmony at the time, but if the shoe fits...

For what it's worth I'd pictured a cross between a Star Destroyer and a cathedral made of unbreakable multi-hued glass.
 

I find it interesting that the Warminds' behavior towards the people they protect isn't mentioned, seeing as they descend from one of the friendliest chapters out there. Either way, I do think Corax would be proud of them (assuming there's any light left upstairs once he comes back from throwing himself at traitors in the Warp); they're convinced they're doomed, and what do they do? Do they give up on the futility of life and retreat within their fortress-monastery to wait for the end? Do they beseech all and any higher power to save them from their fate? Do they simply stop caring?

No! They're fulfilling their duty come hell or high water and fighting to the bitter end. To the last breath, indeed.


I probably should actually mention the Warminds going into wars to preserve Humanity no matter the cost, it's supposed to be a major reason for their attrition problems.

The rest was exactly the attitude I was hoping to convey with them - come what may, the Warminds will always, always fight. How could they go before the Emperor in anything but shame if they did otherwise?

 

The recruits must be quite salty when they see the Warminds have beautiful, carefully-tended gardens that aren't even used for food when they've been starving most of their previous life, though. They're monks, alright; and I'm even reminded of an interesting discovery early in the first Dune novel.


Ooooops. wacko.png
And this is an object lesson on why improvising ideas in the midst of a draft doesn't always work out.

I'm now torn between leaving it (and making the Warminds look kind of like jerks) and replacing it with zen gardens made of artfully raked dirt and well-placed stones (which is probably a better fit given the Monastery is in a wasteland) as a reminder that even in desolation there is purpose.
 

Moving on, I disagree with The_Bloody about adding grimdark to the world of Geffen for a few reasons. First, they were a flourishing agri-world that's been turned into a wraith of its former self because of a biological armageddon, and now will struggle to even have a life that's remotely comfortable until they die out for good. They're a post-apocalyptic culture for all intents and purposes, swapping the usual nuclear holocaust for a biological one, and without anything like the Brotherhood of Steel, the Enclave, the Commonwealth Institute of Technology or even a M. House to help the survivors gain back a sliver of their previous glory.

It's already rough enough from where I'm standing. And that's my second point: push the 'grimdark' enough, and it becomes a joke. Push it some more and the reader may actually walk away because the thing has become a caricature they can't take seriously anymore. Pust it one last time and it's formally knighted punchline to the universe's black comedy routine.

(This point can be very subjective, true, depending on each individual's personal preferences as it does.)

My last and biggest point, however, would be... is it actually necessary? Subjective again, but the 'raw deal' looks enough to me, as I mentioned. Would it actually contribute that much to the whole?

Of course, my obsession with that question is why I've not completed a story or even a draft of one in over a year, so import some salt from Medrengard.

 
I think Geffen already sounds like a pretty horrible place to live as it is, if I'm honest. 

But I do think some mention of cannibals would add a little spice without ruining the flavour, so to speak.
 

Let me rephrase it: I didn't mean to say to make It worse for the sake of it. Their situation can be hard enough as it is. What I'm saying Is that I think their struggle would be better driven home, as a plot point, by a harder punch.

You can tell me that they're having a hard time, and that's ok, but for my taste, if you can really make me understand the entity of their struggle... That's better.

This Is what I meant, I'm not necessarily talking about exaggeration.

 
Ah, so perhaps I just need to look at how it is worded, rather than turning up the desolation.
I'll give the homeworld section another look, and see what I can do. happy.png
 

I very dig this first draft. Seeing a standing belief section prompted a question; given their strong beliefs surrounding death, do they maintain particular rights or observances with the death of a battle brother, compared to typical chapters?


You know, I bet they probably do.
I'll just need a couple of days to figure out what those rites are. laugh.png

Also let me C&C myself here, I was supposed to make mention of the Chapter's extensive use of death-mask helmets, and plain old forgot. Oops! 
 

I also agree with the notion you have of placing the history at or towards the end, particularly for the most recent history, but I could also see some of those more important details being distributed in other relevant sections.


Yeah, I think the Recent History bit in this case will be everything from the arrival of the Primaris Marines. So while that's only a hundred-odd years of history, really the story is how the Warminds will be gaining in number for the first time in, well, ever. This itself will have a large effect on the Chapter, as these new marines have to learn a set of beliefs that might, technically, be obsolete, and have to abide by them regardless until such time as they can adjust how the Firstborn Warminds think.

--

Thank you all for the C&C! There's plenty there for me to think over and work on. Hopefully the second draft will be an improvement! thumbsup.gif


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#27
Ace Debonair

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Ok, so I did another draft. It's not drastically different, but now Geffen's got occasional cannibal problems (and the Chapter refusing to tolerate such things) and the Warminds are a bit more respected by the common folks they fight so hard to defend.

 

Also, this update features burial customs, deathmasks, and zen gardens in the Palace Temple of Souls, rather than verdant crop space being wasted.happy.png

 

I still need to get a picture of my Warminds Reiver squad in their spiffy green and bronze armour - that's coming up as soon as I get a day off.

 

 

 

EDIT:

Wrong name for the Fortress Monastery. The Warminds are fancy, but not Palace fancy.

 

EDIT EDIT:

Further updates, featuring re-written bits and a brief mention of the Order of the Iron Tower, another DIY faction in the pipeline.

Details on them will come up when the time is right - I'm honestly waiting a little to see what lore the new Sisters of Battle stuff contains before I go writing up yet another article.


Edited by Ace Debonair, 21 August 2019 - 09:01 AM.

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#28
Ace Debonair

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Update!
I haven't forgotten my kung-fu wizards. happy.png

Now there's FINALLY a Recent History section, and a few other bits are fleshed out to include Primaris marines and the changes that come with them where appropriate.

 

Part of me still feels like GW introduced Primaris marines just to stop me killing off my Warminds. laugh.png

It's just too much of a coincidence that the New Geneseed doesn't have all the flaws*, you know?

 

 

* still true at time of writing, probably won't last tongue.png


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#29
Brother Lunkhead

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whistling.gif Everybody was Kung Fu Fiiiightiiiing….whistling.gif

 

Good to see the Warminds back in action. Your updates look really good and so do the modelsyes.gif

 

 

Update!
I haven't forgotten my kung-fu wizards. happy.png
 

Part of me still feels like GW introduced Primaris marines just to stop me killing off my Warminds. laugh.png

It's just too much of a coincidence that the New Geneseed doesn't have all the flaws*, you know?

 

 

Primaris SAVE THE DAY.....woot.gif msn-wink.gif

 

 

Posted 31 July 2019 - 01:21 PM

 

The Apothecarion and Librarium struggled to find a solution for this problem, and eventually hit upon a complex surgical procedure that completely eliminated the psychic potential of an afflicted brother, at the cost of removing that Space Marine's capacity to feel or display any real depth of emotion. This procedure, which the Warminds called the Quelling, served to save brothers who would have otherwise become another casualty that the Chapter could ill-afford. The Quelled were found to have lowered initiative compared to their other brothers, adapting more slowly to sudden changes in battlefield circumstances and being less able to orchestrate plans. Thus, the Quelled were barred from high office of any kind in the Chapter, and their armour marked with white shoulders to denote their status as Quelled.

 

The Quelled are still coming across to me as Space Marine Zombies (Original "Hattian" Zombies, not Walking Dead Zombies)…… a cut above high end weaponized servitors, but not "real" Astartes. I know that 's not what you are going for, but I think the outward appearance and actions in combat should mostly appear normal to the casual observer. To those paying closer attention they have a sort of "other" aspect about them. They seem cold and a little distant. In combat, without the emotional connection, they seem totally unfazed by all that is happening. In combat they are engaged in and the objectives they are to achieve are simply problems to be analyzed and then acted upon. They show initiative, but they're actions are based on lessons learned and repeated from training and dispassionate analysis of a situation at hand. What they lack is empathy and raw emotion. Based on this, they would make excellent line troops and even fine tactical and strategic advisors, but poor leaders.

 

…… or maybe I'm wrong and they just a cut above high end weaponized survitorsunsure.png

 

On the whole though, updates look good and I'm still liking your "kung-fu wizard' a lotthumbsup.gif


Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 23 November 2019 - 07:04 PM.

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#30
Brother Lunkhead

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Just did an update to my last post


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#31
Ace Debonair

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That's more or less spot on for the Quelled. happy.png

 

They're slightly worse than normal marines in most battles, and noticeably worse when facing something completely unknown or unexpected, since they need more time to adapt, and even the slightest hesitation in battle could get you killed.

 

They're more 'Marines - 0.5' than 'Servitors +1', at least is the idea. thumbsup.gif


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#32
Brother Lunkhead

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soooo....... canon fodder marines?unsure.png

 

I mean.... is this what you mean when you say more or less spot on for the Quelled?

 

… a cut above high end weaponized servitors, but not "real" Astartes.


Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 23 November 2019 - 08:35 PM.

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#33
Ace Debonair

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soooo....... canon fodder marines?unsure.png
 
I mean.... is this what you mean when you say more or less spot on for the Quelled?


Oops, no. sweat.gif My bad!

I meant this bit of what you said, especially the underlined portion:
 

I know that 's not what you are going for, but I think the outward appearance and actions in combat should mostly appear normal to the casual observer. To those paying closer attention they have a sort of "other" aspect about them. They seem cold and a little distant. In combat, without the emotional connection, they seem totally unfazed by all that is happening. In combat they are engaged in and the objectives they are to achieve are simply problems to be analyzed and then acted upon. They show initiative, but they're actions are based on lessons learned and repeated from training and dispassionate analysis of a situation at hand. What they lack is empathy and raw emotion. Based on this, they would make excellent line troops and even fine tactical and strategic advisors, but poor leaders.


That's all more or less spot on, although I don't think any Warminds would be too keen on listening to tactical advice from the Quelled, since they consider the Quelled to be a bit... off.

 

All that's missing from that summary is the minor addition of needing slightly longer to react to sudden changes on the battlefield, making them marginally less dangerous overall compared to the non-Quelled marines.

 

Although really the difference in reaction time would only ever matter in fights against equally fast and strong opponents - so Chaos Marines, or the occasionally daring/lucky Eldar - most foes simply wouldn't even register the Quelled were any different in the heat of battle.


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#34
Brother Lunkhead

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Sorry to belabor the point, but I want to make sure I have this right, as the Quelled will have a huge impact on the Chapter, how it is perceived by other chapters and the Imperium's rulers and how the Chapter operates. How the Quelled are defined and treated by the Warminds also speaks directly to their character as well.

 

Sooo……

 

 

Posted 23 November 2019 - 04:01 PM

 

 

I meant this bit of what you said, especially the underlined portion:
 

Brother Lunkhead, on 21 Nov 2019 - 12:13 PM, said:snapback.png

I know that 's not what you are going for, but I think the outward appearance and actions in combat should mostly appear normal to the casual observer. To those paying closer attention they have a sort of "other" aspect about them. They seem cold and a little distant. In combat, without the emotional connection, they seem totally unfazed by all that is happening. In combat they are engaged in and the objectives they are to achieve are simply problems to be analyzed and then acted upon. They show initiative, but they're actions are based on lessons learned and repeated from training and dispassionate analysis of a situation at hand. What they lack is empathy and raw emotion. Based on this, they would make excellent line troops and even fine tactical and strategic advisors, but poor leaders.

Do you mean "especially" or "specifically"? I think you mean "specifically" based on this:

 

 

All that's missing from that summary is the minor addition of needing slightly longer to react to sudden changes on the battlefield, making them marginally less dangerous overall compared to the non-Quelled marines.

 

Although really the difference in reaction time would only ever matter in fights against equally fast and strong opponents - so Chaos Marines, or the occasionally daring/lucky Eldar - most foes simply wouldn't even register the Quelled were any different in the heat of battle.

 

and this:

 

The Quelled were found to have lowered initiative compared to their other brothers, adapting more slowly to sudden changes in battlefield circumstances and being less able to orchestrate plans. Thus, the Quelled were barred from high office of any kind in the Chapter, and their armour marked with white shoulders to denote their status as Quelled.

 

This would make the Quelled NOT Zombie Marines but definitely Lobotomized Marines. Don't misunderstand me. I'm not looking at this from the point of good/bad or right/wrong  idea. In fact if this IS the way you are going, I think it is not only very cool and  interesting but fairly radical as well. This would be a great burden on the Warminds both from a logistical and operational standpoint. Most Chapters would have given these brothers the Emperor's Mercy and have done with them. It speaks well as to the character of the Chapter, although other chapters would probably disagree. If word got out as to the true nature of the Quelled, the Warminds might even be shunned by other chapters, or worse....unsure.png

 

What impact do the Quelled have on battle doctrine and how are they deployed in the field?

 

All interesting stuff Brother Aceyes.gif I'm looking forward to seeing more.


Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 25 November 2019 - 07:39 PM.

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#35
Ace Debonair

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Excuse the slightly disjointed reply - I'm  currently quite ill and can't get all my words in order properly. wacko.png

 

Lobotomised is much closer to the mark than Zombie Marines.

 

You have to bear in mind, the Warminds are, for most of their history, on the verge of dying out. They probably don't approve of the Quelled any more than any other Chapter would - but every shot fired at one of the Quelled is one that could otherwise have killed another fully functional Warmind.

 

The way I imagine it, the Quelled are typically kept as back-line support, in either tactical or devastator squads, where methodical patience and calm would be definite advantages. Lower reaction times and the inability to muster up proper ferocity makes them slightly less suited for assault roles, so they're typically kept out of the cut and thrust of melee as much as possible.

 

They'd never take leadership roles (no Quelled Sergeants, for example), and there's very few instances of entire squads of Quelled. I'm thinking roughly one in every second or third squad, with only very unlucky squads having more than one Quelled attached to them.

 

 

I keep forgetting that the true nature of the Quelled would probably cause some real issues with other Chapters and the Inquisition. laugh.png


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#36
Brother Lunkhead

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Excuse the slightly disjointed reply - I'm  currently quite ill and can't get all my words in order properly. wacko.png

 

Lobotomised is much closer to the mark than Zombie Marines.

 

You have to bear in mind, the Warminds are, for most of their history, on the verge of dying out. They probably don't approve of the Quelled any more than any other Chapter would - but every shot fired at one of the Quelled is one that could otherwise have killed another fully functional Warmind.

 

The way I imagine it, the Quelled are typically kept as back-line support, in either tactical or devastator squads, where methodical patience and calm would be definite advantages. Lower reaction times and the inability to muster up proper ferocity makes them slightly less suited for assault roles, so they're typically kept out of the cut and thrust of melee as much as possible.

 

They'd never take leadership roles (no Quelled Sergeants, for example), and there's very few instances of entire squads of Quelled. I'm thinking roughly one in every second or third squad, with only very unlucky squads having more than one Quelled attached to them.

 

 

I keep forgetting that the true nature of the Quelled would probably cause some real issues with other Chapters and the Inquisition. laugh.png

 

I think that clears my fog very nicely indeedthumbsup.gif Desperate situations sometimes require desperate action, and I think both the creation of the Quelled and their use in the combat doctrine of the Warminds make complete sense. Purists within the Inquisition and more orthodox Space Marine Chapters might question the practice and question their honour. Let them...….

 

      Honor, that's a mighty thin blanket 'gainst de chill of de grave.

                                                             -The Blackjaw Kindred

 

Thanks for your patience with my persistent questioning. I hope you got something out of it. I certainly did. Get well soon.


Edited by Brother Lunkhead, 26 November 2019 - 07:57 PM.

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#37
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Honor, that's a mighty thin blanket 'gainst de chill of de grave.
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Ah, good times. I still miss dem bajou boys.
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#38
Ace Debonair

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I think that clears my fog very nicely indeed:tu: Desperate situations sometimes require desperate action, and I think both the creation of the Quelled and their use in the combat doctrine of the Warminds make complete sense. Purists within the Inquisition and more orthodox Space Marine Chapters might question the practice and question their honour. Let them...….


I feel like a Chapter full of psychics would have no problem creating a coherent and convincing alternative explanation when called upon to do so. laugh.png

 

Thanks for your patience with my persistent questioning. I hope you got something out of it. I certainly did. Get well soon.

 
 I suddenly realised most of what I said wasn't in the IA, where I was almost positive I'd added it earlier. wacko.png
Sooooo…. it is now! I've updated the Warminds again. happy.png
 

 

Honor, that's a mighty thin blanket 'gainst de chill of de grave.
-The Blackjaw Kindred


Ah, good times. I still miss dem bajou boys.

 


Everyone does.

 

If I wasn't an awful leader (I cannot organise people / develop group activities / delegate anything much / generally lead to save my life,) I'd have another go at the Liber Cluster round 2 once I've finished all my Glastheim Rifts stuff.

 

Throne knows there's a lot of potential there, I'm just not the right chap to run the place.

 

Buuuut this isn't really a discussion for the Warminds thread.  Don't want to derail my own IA! sweat.gif


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#39
Grey Hunter Ydalir

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Ace!

 

Yet another chapter to add to your coterie.

 

I'm not sure on the bright green and bronze, and those ornate helms, though mostly from a stealth standpoint. It seems to go against what they're trying to do. Obviously this is a personal taste thing, it seems logically inconsistent to me.

 

A quick note on your editing, I know it's a first draft but you seem to use a lot of carry-through words like and and though when you begin a sentence or paragraph, words which are usually predicated on their use being a follow on from another word as part of a sentence. Just an observation.

 

Reading through the draft, the flow seems to jump around to me. I don't know if it's just me but when I read things I feel a rhythm as I read. Some things flow, some things leapfrog, it can depend on the nature of the work. Informative or learning materials tend to leap frog from concept to execution or example, while narrative works tend to have some type of flow and that rhythm changes depending on the author.

 

This isn't a criticism per-se, it's once again more of an observation and given this is a first draft I know things only get worked through from here. I can't really explain it any better than that. My own work tends to have this low rolling ramble to it that I have to fight myself to prevent it from just rolling on continuously, for example.

 

This draft I feel like is bouncing from point to point, which to me makes it very distracting to read, if that makes sense, like there are all these points being made as I'm reading it but none of them fit together as one piece. I'll stop laboring the point here, my advice would be to perhaps re-word and merge some of the many short paragraphs together as it will make it more cohesive to read.

 

I admit I think perhaps a bit of mild dyslexia on my part doesn't help this, so take it how you will.

 

Now, the work itself.

 

Can I ask, why is the Waaagh [redacted]? I'm not sure if anyone else has asked this, I just jumped to the end and started commenting so forgive me if I've missed it. I'm just very curious after reading the draft.

 

I love the eastern warrior-philosopher angle, it's fairly unique in 40k and that theme is really fascinating. It's an interesting mix of eastern philosophizing and western nihilism in the influence of the Raven Guard, to my mind.

 

Where exactly are you drawing the inspiration from? Bushido doctrine, in the concept of one true death and the approach to battle in that you're already dead? I get a little of it in the nihilistic tendencies and the death masks. I could be missing something as my knowledge of eastern works and cultures is fairly limited at best.

 

The over-abundance of psykers is fairly rare, and very much risky when it comes to the modern Imperium. How closely are they watched by other organizations such as the Inquisition? How well accepted are they by more hard-line minded groups towards psychic mutation?

 

 

To me it kind of feels almost like the chapter theme is split. You've got the stealthy eastern warrior philosophers, and then you have the very 40k mass-psyker battering ram.

 

If I was to integrate both, perhaps make it less about their psychic might in combat, and how they seem to be superlatively impressive in their infiltration on the battlefield due to this low-level psychic presence (especially if you keep the bright and cheerful colour scheme!) in the chapter, then have them culturally lean more on their Librarians rather than chaplains to tie into their eastern nature as wanderers of what seem to be an almost human version of Eldar philosophy to an extent. To explore what it means to be finite and created for a violent purpose, and to be certain in this task.

 

Just a quick couple of things to point at while I'm waiting for something to do here at work.

 

I am feeling a bit disjointed in my own head today so if I've leapt around myself and hit on something you've already answered or touched on before, or if I somehow don't make sense, my apologies.


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The Octaguide.
The Thousand Marine Myth.

On the scale mismatch of bolts and bolters by Coldfyre

Commissar Molotov's Castigators - Essential reading for IA Creation.

"...I have seen the birth of this world and I have seen its death. I walked with the first men and I shared a beer with the last. For me everyone is both old and young at the same time as a million lifetimes pass before my eyes and humanity is like the grains of sand in the desert, each breath to me a sigh in the vast never-ending vacumn of space."
-Silver Phoenix


#40
Ace Debonair

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Ace!
 
Yet another chapter to add to your coterie.


Two down (once the Warminds and White Hawks are actually done), four to go.
 
Not counting any of my heretic or xeno factions, of course.

 

I'm not sure on the bright green and bronze, and those ornate helms, though mostly from a stealth standpoint. It seems to go against what they're trying to do. Obviously this is a personal taste thing, it seems logically inconsistent to me.


If the Raven Guard can get away with stealth in their jet black armour, the Warminds can darn sure do it in emerald green. laugh.png

Power armour itself would be big, heavy and loud enough that stealth tactics would amount to "don't be seen/heard before we start the firefight". Anything more stealth-based than that wouldn't lend itself to power armour, no matter who your ancestor was.

 

A quick note on your editing, I know it's a first draft but you seem to use a lot of carry-through words like and and though when you begin a sentence or paragraph, words which are usually predicated on their use being a follow on from another word as part of a sentence. Just an observation.
 
Reading through the draft, the flow seems to jump around to me. I don't know if it's just me but when I read things I feel a rhythm as I read. Some things flow, some things leapfrog, it can depend on the nature of the work. Informative or learning materials tend to leap frog from concept to execution or example, while narrative works tend to have some type of flow and that rhythm changes depending on the author.
 
This isn't a criticism per-se, it's once again more of an observation and given this is a first draft I know things only get worked through from here. I can't really explain it any better than that. My own work tends to have this low rolling ramble to it that I have to fight myself to prevent it from just rolling on continuously, for example.
 
This draft I feel like is bouncing from point to point, which to me makes it very distracting to read, if that makes sense, like there are all these points being made as I'm reading it but none of them fit together as one piece. I'll stop laboring the point here, my advice would be to perhaps re-word and merge some of the many short paragraphs together as it will make it more cohesive to read.
 
I admit I think perhaps a bit of mild dyslexia on my part doesn't help this, so take it how you will.


My writing always needs work. I'll sit down at some point and see if I can make everything flow better, but I'm awkward enough at putting thoughts into words that I cannot guarantee an improvement. laugh.png

 

Can I ask, why is the Waaagh [redacted]? I'm not sure if anyone else has asked this, I just jumped to the end and started commenting so forgive me if I've missed it. I'm just very curious after reading the draft.


Because I haven't finalised the name for it yet. sweat.gif

They're on my 'to write about' list, but I've got a few things ahead of them.
 

I love the eastern warrior-philosopher angle, it's fairly unique in 40k and that theme is really fascinating. It's an interesting mix of eastern philosophizing and western nihilism in the influence of the Raven Guard, to my mind.
 
Where exactly are you drawing the inspiration from? Bushido doctrine, in the concept of one true death and the approach to battle in that you're already dead? I get a little of it in the nihilistic tendencies and the death masks. I could be missing something as my knowledge of eastern works and cultures is fairly limited at best.


I am going to be completely honest with you: I truly cannot remember where all of the inspirations for the Warminds came from. sweat.gif
 
 
The "A samurai should meditate daily on death" bit was definitely part of it, but it wasn't what put the "Chapter full of Fatalists" idea in my head.
 
I can't actually remember now what it was - but I've been working on these guys in the background for something like six years, and it all becomes something of a blur. unsure.png
 

The over-abundance of psykers is fairly rare, and very much risky when it comes to the modern Imperium. How closely are they watched by other organizations such as the Inquisition? How well accepted are they by more hard-line minded groups towards psychic mutation?


Given the amount of heretic and xeno activity around the Glastheim Rifts, the Inquisition spares what attention it can for the Warminds, but doesn't (so far) have the time to conduct a full and thorough investigation of the Chapter.

To answer your second question, I don't know enough about what sort of groups would oppose them (save for the Inquisition), or whether those groups (outside of the Inquisition) would be powerful enough to actually matter.
 
My gut feeling is that anyone who hates psykers wouldn't like the Warminds much, but also that there's much more horrible things around near the Rifts for them to oppose.
 
 

To me it kind of feels almost like the chapter theme is split. You've got the stealthy eastern warrior philosophers, and then you have the very 40k mass-psyker battering ram.
 
If I was to integrate both, perhaps make it less about their psychic might in combat, and how they seem to be superlatively impressive in their infiltration on the battlefield due to this low-level psychic presence (especially if you keep the bright and cheerful colour scheme!) in the chapter, then have them culturally lean more on their Librarians rather than chaplains to tie into their eastern nature as wanderers of what seem to be an almost human version of Eldar philosophy to an extent. To explore what it means to be finite and created for a violent purpose, and to be certain in this task.

 
I mean, the psyker-heavy Chapter was kind of the point of the Warminds, the stealth stuff is only even in there as a nod to their Raven Guard heritage, which they've only got because I wanted the massively damaged and mutated geneseed for the Chapter to be struggling with.

 

I am feeling a bit disjointed in my own head today so if I've leapt around myself and hit on something you've already answered or touched on before, or if I somehow don't make sense, my apologies.


That's normal for Liberites, isn't it?
Throne knows I've only ever got a 50% chance of making sense.


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#41
Grey Hunter Ydalir

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I mean, the psyker-heavy Chapter was kind of the point of the Warminds, the stealth stuff is only even in there as a nod to their Raven Guard heritage, which they've only got because I wanted the massively damaged and mutated geneseed for the Chapter to be struggling with.

 

 

Ok that's fair. If you do want to keep it, go for it but perhaps make it less of a focus. It's more a question of asking what the stealth aspect adds, and if taking it away would impact the chapter overall whatsoever. You can still have a nod, but a "while they are naturally adept at infiltration operations given the influence of their gene-father, they prefer to fight in X manner" kind of thing.

 

I've never seen someone with so many ideas as you Ace. Don't get me wrong that's a compliment! I mean, I've never seen someone with so many workable ideas. Lord knows most of mine have been fairly awful and I scrapped them before they even got to the writing stage. You've got some gumption for this schtick!


The Octaguide.
The Thousand Marine Myth.

On the scale mismatch of bolts and bolters by Coldfyre

Commissar Molotov's Castigators - Essential reading for IA Creation.

"...I have seen the birth of this world and I have seen its death. I walked with the first men and I shared a beer with the last. For me everyone is both old and young at the same time as a million lifetimes pass before my eyes and humanity is like the grains of sand in the desert, each breath to me a sigh in the vast never-ending vacumn of space."
-Silver Phoenix


#42
Ace Debonair

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I mean, the psyker-heavy Chapter was kind of the point of the Warminds, the stealth stuff is only even in there as a nod to their Raven Guard heritage, which they've only got because I wanted the massively damaged and mutated geneseed for the Chapter to be struggling with.

 
Ok that's fair. If you do want to keep it, go for it but perhaps make it less of a focus. It's more a question of asking what the stealth aspect adds, and if taking it away would impact the chapter overall whatsoever. You can still have a nod, but a "while they are naturally adept at infiltration operations given the influence of their gene-father, they prefer to fight in X manner" kind of thing.

 


Stealth tactics make sense for a Chapter with limited numbers, to be honest. Even more so for RG successors. sweat.gif
I don't really know what I'd replace it with.
 

I've never seen someone with so many ideas as you Ace. Don't get me wrong that's a compliment! I mean, I've never seen someone with so many workable ideas. Lord knows most of mine have been fairly awful and I scrapped them before they even got to the writing stage. You've got some gumption for this schtick!


Thing is, I've been working on most of these ideas for several years. Plenty of time to mull things over and make sure they work. (Or at least are close enough to be plausible!)

 

Having a job that largely doesn't require the use of my brain really helps, since I can, with luck behind me, spend up to ten hours a day deciding how I want a Chapter to function and then working everything backwards from that. laugh.png


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#43
Grey Hunter Ydalir

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Having a job that largely doesn't require the use of my brain really helps, since I can, with luck behind me, spend up to ten hours a day deciding how I want a Chapter to function and then working everything backwards from that. laugh.png

 

 

That sounds like half of my work. I just started taking to posting here while at work. Oh the woes of the slower Liber board. At least it's safe for work! teehee.gif


The Octaguide.
The Thousand Marine Myth.

On the scale mismatch of bolts and bolters by Coldfyre

Commissar Molotov's Castigators - Essential reading for IA Creation.

"...I have seen the birth of this world and I have seen its death. I walked with the first men and I shared a beer with the last. For me everyone is both old and young at the same time as a million lifetimes pass before my eyes and humanity is like the grains of sand in the desert, each breath to me a sigh in the vast never-ending vacumn of space."
-Silver Phoenix






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