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You know you're an Iron Hand when...

- - - - - humor Iron Hands

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129 replies to this topic

#126
Bjorn Firewalker

Bjorn Firewalker

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Your response to the comment "Feirros is not worth it" is to shoehorn the Iron Father into a suitably modified Imperial Knight's Throne Mechanicum.

Feirros (as his Imperial Knight's TWIN DEMOLISHER CANNON vaporizes three Hammerhead gunships whose railguns failed to penetrate his ion shields): "Who's unworthy now, you fools who stand against the Emperor and His Imperium?"
Wolf Scout- Catachan barking toad eggs+ Thousand Sons Marine= Fun! (Wolves of Catachan)

Warhammer 40,000+ Star Wars- Rian Johnson- Reylo= AWESOME! (Knights of Renaissance)

Reasons to use the Steel Crusaders ('Codex: Space Marines' supplement) or the Iron-hearted Angels ('Codex: Blood Angels' supplement): Because you think giving Sternguard Veterans a heavy bolter wtih special issue HEAVY BOLTER ammunition is ALMOST as much fun as shoehorning an Earthshaker cannon into a Land Raider.

#127
Bjorn Firewalker

Bjorn Firewalker

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After reading No Guns Life, you resolve to replace your head with a quad lascannon, becoming the perfect weapon the Emperor may wield in defense of His Imperium. You're already giddy at thought of all the augmetic enhancements you'll need.
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Iron Hands Brother Juzo: "I should relocate my brain into my chest cavity, to make room for the quad lascannon. My rib cage will have to be expanded to accommodate my brain, so I will need to replace the ribs with an adamantium shell. I might as well add a third, artificial heart while I am at it, to take advantage of the expanded chest cavity."

Juzo: "Without a skull, I will no longer be limited to two eyes, so I might as well install optics on the back and sides of my head, granting 360-degree vision- plus an integral auspex, to better aim the quad lascannon. I will also need to reinforce my backbone, hips, and legs to bear the weight, so I might as well install an artificial spine to serve as backup, so I will not be paralyzed or crippled in the event my original spine is severed. I should also boost the actuators at my joints, to improve my mobility- maybe even salvage a jump pack's turbines and mount them to my waist, so my silhouette will resemble that of a trench coat wearer."

Juzo: "An A2W nuclear reactor should provide sufficient energy to power the augmetics- unless I need to overcharge them in the face of a Daemon Prince- best install two reactors. I should also integrate a heavy bolter into the power fist replacing my right hand, so I can deliver a proper Funke Faust."

Edited by Bjorn Firewalker, 10 December 2019 - 05:23 AM.

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Wolf Scout- Catachan barking toad eggs+ Thousand Sons Marine= Fun! (Wolves of Catachan)

Warhammer 40,000+ Star Wars- Rian Johnson- Reylo= AWESOME! (Knights of Renaissance)

Reasons to use the Steel Crusaders ('Codex: Space Marines' supplement) or the Iron-hearted Angels ('Codex: Blood Angels' supplement): Because you think giving Sternguard Veterans a heavy bolter wtih special issue HEAVY BOLTER ammunition is ALMOST as much fun as shoehorning an Earthshaker cannon into a Land Raider.

#128
Aothaine

Aothaine

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When the local Adeptus Mechanicus is planning on holding a symposium on how to advance yourself through machine augmentation and you are the star guest speaker.


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#129
Bjorn Firewalker

Bjorn Firewalker

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You try to make your other armies more "Iron Hands-y."

For example: The Black Templars player who tried to have an Imperial Knight "count as" the Emperor's Champion. Or the Astra Militarum player who tried to have a Land Raider count as a guardsman.
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  • Aothaine likes this
Wolf Scout- Catachan barking toad eggs+ Thousand Sons Marine= Fun! (Wolves of Catachan)

Warhammer 40,000+ Star Wars- Rian Johnson- Reylo= AWESOME! (Knights of Renaissance)

Reasons to use the Steel Crusaders ('Codex: Space Marines' supplement) or the Iron-hearted Angels ('Codex: Blood Angels' supplement): Because you think giving Sternguard Veterans a heavy bolter wtih special issue HEAVY BOLTER ammunition is ALMOST as much fun as shoehorning an Earthshaker cannon into a Land Raider.

#130
Bjorn Firewalker

Bjorn Firewalker

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Khorne worshipers leave the battlefield the moment you arrive.

Khârn the Betrayer: "I do not fear the Iron Hands' courage, or their augmetically enhanced strength. I simply do not see the point in fighting machine men with no blood for me to shed in Khorne's name, or skulls to harvest for the Skull Throne. No, look again, before I carve out your eyes: the Iron Hands have no skulls, they relocated their brains to the adamantium shells replacing their rib cages, so gun turrets may replace their heads.

"Yes, I admit it is frustrating the quad lascannon-headed Iron Hand keeps sending me to Khorne's realm before I may cross blades with him."
  • Aothaine likes this
Wolf Scout- Catachan barking toad eggs+ Thousand Sons Marine= Fun! (Wolves of Catachan)

Warhammer 40,000+ Star Wars- Rian Johnson- Reylo= AWESOME! (Knights of Renaissance)

Reasons to use the Steel Crusaders ('Codex: Space Marines' supplement) or the Iron-hearted Angels ('Codex: Blood Angels' supplement): Because you think giving Sternguard Veterans a heavy bolter wtih special issue HEAVY BOLTER ammunition is ALMOST as much fun as shoehorning an Earthshaker cannon into a Land Raider.





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